In my mind, the first possibility would be good. I think a lot of my dissatisfaction with being married comes from the frustration of wanting more than she can provide. If I could pursue my fantasies (and of course that would include fucking other women as well as the oral with guys), I'd be content with that. I wouldn't want to leave the wife, and we could go on happily ever after.
And the second option would work for me just as well. If she divorced me because she couldn't deal with this part of me, then I'm off the hook. And she would feel justified in leaving, so neither of us would be the bad guy. I can't say for sure, but I'm almost certain she wouldn't out me to my friends and family out of spite; as many faults as I can list when I'm in a nit-picky mood, so far that kind of mean-spiritedness isn't one of them.
Unfortunately, the actual outcome would be neither of those possibilities, but something awkward and uncomfortable in between. She'd be able to accept acknowledge that I have those desires, and she might even sympathize with me. In the moment of the conversation, she might come around to agreeing that I would have to experience it at least once to know if it was really something I desire or not.
But when push came to shove, she'd balk. If an opportunity came along, she give me that disapproving look and say "do what you have to do" in her dismissive way. And if I headed for the door to do what I have to do, it would become a fight. She'd have reached a specific conclusion when I first said "I'm bisexual", and nothing I said after that would sway her from that specific conclusion. She'd make snide comments, insinuating that something must be going on any time I mentioned something funny one of the guys at work said. She'd assume I was lusting for every guy out there.
So if this happens, it's going to have to happen without her knowing about it. That will make it even more difficult to manage, but I don't know how else it could be.
Coming out to my wife was a slow process that involved lots of liquor and confessions during sex. It was one of those things where I would say "I'm Bi" and she would either pretend she didn't hear it or just say, "No you're not, don't tell me that." I think she finally got it when I tried to join her in blowing our friend during a threesome. That didn't go well.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of women get off on the idea of seeing their husband or boyfriend playing with another guy. My wife is not one of them. So in the end, she knows, and she knows that I have had some encounters, but we have instituted the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy at our house. Which of course makes her all the more suspicious when my exact whereabouts aren't known to her.
I do think that if you present it as a fantasy - something you'd do if the opportunity arose, that might give her the chance to react in a way that you can determine how next to proceed.
My wife enjoys gay porn, but she's more intersted in when the guys are fucking. I'm just really not into that scene, even though I do enjoy her playing with me while blowing me. And that's when its guys she doesn't know; she might not like it as much if I were involved.
ReplyDeleteWhenever she's watching that stuff, as a cover I'd act disgusted and look away. Maybe I could start by acting more interested and watching with her and see if that leads to any conversations.