Monday, September 30, 2013

The Anti-Weekend Update

Sorry, no Weekend Update this week. The weekend was really pretty dull and just not worth writing about. Then my Dallas Cowboys lost, which pretty much capped off the whole ball of fuck it. Maybe I’ll feel more inspired later in the week.

Friday, September 27, 2013

FFF - Summer Threesome - 9/27

James and I met Cynthia at summer camp the year I turned 14. She was my age, and James was two years older than us, but we quickly became fast friends. James and I were already close, almost like brothers instead of cousins, and our friendly rivalry for Cynthia lead to many late-nights where the three of us would meet in the woods to touch, lick, and suck each other to exhaustion, though she never let us fuck her. We tried to keep in touch with her after that, but after a while… well, one season leads into the next. James and I continued to play together, with or without girls involved, until his parents moved them to Texas, and we grew apart as well.

Cynthia called last month when she graduated college to ask if she could visit. Of course I said yes, and we planned a hiking trip along the Appalachian Trail. I had our supplies packed and ready when she arrived mid-morning, after driving down from Northern Virginia. We drove to the nearest Trail access and headed out. I let Cynthia lead the way so I could admire her ass, and we relived our days from summer camp. She asked about James, and I told her we keep in touch, but aren’t as close as we were back then.

Time had been good to Cynthia. The skinny, gawky kid was now a stunning young woman, and I couldn’t wait to get her into the tent that night. We found a likely spot beside a creek, and started setting up camp. After everything was up and ready, we waded out into the creek to freshen up in the cool water.

Cynthia smirked at me as she took off her top, exposing her firm tits. I got hard immediately, and almost lost it when she shucked off her shorts and panties. I quickly followed suit and took off my clothes, then moved to her to take her in my arms. We kissed passionately as we stroked and petted each other, then I led her into the tent.

We rolled out our sleeping bags for cushion and she lay back, beckoning me to her. We spent a little time reacquainting each other with our oral skills, but we both wanted our first fuck together. I positioned myself over her, between her spread legs, and entered her smoothly. She wasn’t a virgin, but she was tight and wet, and I almost came immediately. I paused a moment to gather myself, then picked up the pace again. Soon we were sweating and grunting, and her pussy clenching on my dick as she came caused me to come. We went back into the stream, giggling like kids, and rinsed off.

The rest of the weekend was a blur, as we made up for all the sex we didn’t have in summer camp years earlier. Cynthia set up her camera to take a picture of us kissing against a boulder while she stroked me, but the camera didn’t catch when she took me into her talented mouth and swallowed my cum.

Soon it was time to head back to civilization, though I didn’t want to. She asked for James’ number before she drove away, and he called me that night to let me know she was on her way. I told him he was in for a real treat, and fucking her was better than we ever imagined.

I haven’t heard from either of them since, but James did send me a picture. I don’t know why she dyed her hair.

Word Length:  225 for each picture, 
Required Words:  Season(s), Cousin
Forbidden Words:  Ranger, Farmer, Park, Rock, Wheat, Trombone
Extra Words:  Go up to 600 words if you use both pictures in the same story.
Extra Credit:  Make us hope that winter never comes

My offering this week is part of a collaborative effort between Simplicity, James F. Break, and me, so be sure to click the links to read theirs as well (assuming James found the time to write his story this week.) None of us knows what the others have written, but we agreed to a skeletal framework to go by. It will be interesting to see their vision of the parts they've taken on. Hat tip to Simplicity for coming up with the idea!

Also, be sure to go to Advizor's site to read the other outstanding entries.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Weekend Update

Happy Monday, everyone! Another late(ish) update because what little time I did have to write yesterday evening was spent on the L situation (already posted.) Fortunately this morning she texted me that she’d started her period, which is really good news.

Friday night the wife and I went to dinner with a friend and her daughter. I’ve written about them before, I think; the daughter, 25, has a bit of a crush on me (according to the wife.) Lately she’s been seriously dating a guy she’s known for some time and who finally made it out of the friend zone, so hopefully her attentions will diminish. Don’t get me wrong, if she were willing I’d almost certainly fuck her, but I could see that biting me in the ass.

But we had a good dinner, the four of us, at our favorite sushi/Asian cuisine place (it’s actually a newly opened branch of our favorite place, and fortunately it is every bit as good as the original.) The daughter might weigh 110 lbs. soaking wet, and almost as tall as I am, but she can put away some sushi!

Saturday we drove down to L’s neck of the woods, but mainly because there’s a few shops there that the wife likes. We stopped by to see L and them for a few minutes, and I dropped off some more of her things that I was holding for her. They had plans to go into Greensboro for the day, and the wife and I didn’t really want to be gone that long. We finished up our shopping and headed home early, but there was too much rain to spend any time outside. I made a big pot of chili and we watched college football all night. The niece was home, so we didn’t fool around any. Besides, I was bushed and probably wouldn’t have been up to doing much anyway.

Sunday we took my parents out to celebrate both of their birthdays; my stepfather’s is the 11th, and my mom’s was yesterday. We went to a favorite Mexican restaurant and had a really good meal. My Cowboys won handily over the Rams, and the rest of their division lost (sorry, Simplicity, but the Redskins are looking rough right now) so it was a good day in the NFL as far as I’m concerned. Plus, even though the niece was home, the wife sneakily gave me a blowjob in the shower and let me come on her tits since she could wash off easily.

Better still, this morning the wife called me back to the bedroom, saying I owed her one. I happily went to help her get off, but when she saw I was hard she eschewed the dildo in favor of my cock. I fucked her while she worked her clit with her massager until she came, then I came on her stomach. We agreed that it’s a great way to start a morning, especially a Monday!

So how were your weekends?

Bitter Pills

If there’s one thing that can be said about L, it’s that she does learn from her mistakes.

Wait, that sentence doesn’t look right.

Oh, there it is: she does NOT learn from her mistakes. There, that’s better.

Back in January, L went through one of her “I miss S and love him so much!” phases, and snuck out one weekend while B was working to fuck him. I knew she was talking with S again because she told me, but I didn’t know until later that they’d actually gotten together. Then she decided that she couldn’t be with S after all, and predictably S then texted B to gloat about having fucked L to drive a wedge between them.

Somehow B and L worked it out and decided to stay together, but I imagine that had to be yet another bitter pill for B to swallow. Worse for him was when L found out she was pregnant, since he got snipped years ago. She wasn’t going to tell B at first, but then decided to after all. He took it well, realizing it didn’t change anything he already knew. He told her he’d go along with whatever decision she made, and fortunately she chose to get an abortion. B went with her to the clinic and comforted her later. B has burned a lot of good will in my mind over the past 2 ½ years, and rightly so, but he’s banked some too, and it’s things like this that’s the reason why.

Anyway, flash forward seven months and two more “I miss S and love him so much” episodes (that I know of, anyway.) Five weeks after the weekend she spent with S, and four weeks after the weekend she moved in with him (therefore three weeks after moving back) she’s starting to have some of the same symptoms: sore, swollen breasts, frequent urination, and morning sickness. Now just under three weeks ago she did have her period, but (apparently) that doesn’t mean she isn’t pregnant. And yes, L does know what causes this; I can only refer you to the (corrected) sentence I began this post with.

Now some of the more observant of you might be thinking “Ut-oh, Rob, if it’s been five weeks since the weekend she spent with S, that means it’s been around that same time since you fucked her.” And it just now occurred to me that you might have thought that on Friday when I first mentioned L might be pregnant.

Oops, sorry, I probably should have mentioned  that apparently I’m shooting blanks. It’s never been definitely confirmed, because Army doctors suck and can’t perform a simply semen analysis without fucking it up twice, but the wife went off birth control back in 1991 and she never caught preggers, despite everything on her checking out just fine. So there’s not really any chance it’s mine.

So she’s going to get another pregnancy test and find out if she is. She said this time she just can’t tell B, so I told her I’d go with her to take care of it. But if she is pregnant, I bet she’ll tell B again. And B will be pissed, and bitch and moan about it, but in the end he’ll go with her again, and comfort her afterward. 

But it’s just another one of those bitter pills for him to swallow.

UPDATE: This morning (after writing this) L told me she took the test and it was negative. That's good news, but I advised her to wait a week and take it again just to be sure. I don't know what the symptoms would be for if she's not pregnant, but we'll cross that bridge later.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Surprise - a Friday Post

We’re swimming in donuts at work today! Between a vendor who dropped off two dozen first thing this morning, and the guy who’s leaving to go to Houston coming by with three dozen a little later, we got more donuts than we can shake a dunkin’ stick at!

I wish they’d let me know in advance when this is going to happen so I can wear my stretchy sweat pants.

It’s a good group of people I work with, but to be as smart as they are they’re awfully bad at figuring things out. This week in particular has been bad, and I’ve almost blown my top a few times.

I don’t mind the constant need for hand-holding in order to perform the simplest tasks; as intuitive as a lot of computer and intranet things are to me, not everybody is going to grasp it as quickly as I do. A big part of their need for me here wouldn’t exist if they didn’t need my help with things. But I can’t stand the whining! (Also: I’d make a lousy parent.)

I am as patient as… well, I’m never very patient, but I can fake it pretty well when someone asks me about the same process we’ve gone over three times already. It’s not good for my teeth, but no biggie; they grow back. They will grow back, right?

But it drives me to the edge when I’m attempting to answer the question or demonstrate the process (again!) and the person who asks keeps whining! “Why does it have to be that way?” “I don’t like doing it this way!” “That doesn’t make any sense!” That was what I heard earlier this week from one of the guys who hired a Kelley Services temp. There was paperwork he was supposed to fill out last week, before his guy started, but he “didn’t know” he had to do it. Never mind that it was clearly spelled out what his responsibilities are; he’s an engineer and I don’t expect him to follow instructions. But quit bitching about the process! Or at least quit bitching to me about it; I don’t have anything to do with it and couldn’t change it if I wanted to.

What’s worse is when, like today, someone starts bitching about a process because they don’t see the benefit of the end result. And when I try to explain the very real benefit, they dig in their heels and insist the old way is better. Maybe it is, but if you don’t shut up long enough to find out what the new way is, you’ll never know!

No, I didn’t say that, as much as I wanted to. But what I did say was “If you aren’t going to listen to the answer, don’t ask the question” and walked away.

Oh, and L might be pregnant.

Have a good weekend, y’all!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Am I a Dick?

I’m probably a dick. I mean, I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now anyway, but specifically today I’m probably a dick. I went to a local deli to pick up a cake we’d ordered for a get outta here going away party for one of the guys who’s transferring to Houston.

Aside: I’m jealous because I often fantasize about transferring to Houston or Louisiana through my job. The problem is, my position isn’t that hard to find people for, so any openings that come up in those locations can be filled by people there just as easily. Also, the whole point would be to go alone, and I’m pretty sure the wife would insist on going with. So why bother, right?

Anyway, they brought the cake and I whipped out my credit card to pay. When she gave me the receipt to sign, there was a line for a tip. This isn’t a restaurant, mind you, where you sit down and are waited on by a server. You stand in line, ask for what you want, pay for it, and take it to your table if you chose to dine in. I doubt anybody working there is getting paid less than minimum wage, and this was no different than a transaction that I would do at a bakery. So I left the tip line blank and wrote in the total at the bottom.

As I handed the receipt back to the girl at the register, I asked for a couple of the cookies they had on display. I paid for those with cash, and as she handed back my change I noticed a tip jar which I hadn’t seen before. I thanked her, put my change in my pocket, and left.

So I’m probably a dick because I didn’t leave a tip when I had two opportunities to do so. But you know what? I’m kind of tired of all the tip jars I see anymore! Tips have traditionally (in ass-backwards America, anyway) been for servers who work for two-something an hour, take your order and bring you drinks, etc. They were never meant for just anybody who happens to be working a cash register.

Tipping is a ridiculous custom anyway. Oh, sure, I tip; I’m an over-tipper in fact. But you go to Germany, and tipping as we know it in America is unheard of. Servers get paid a reasonable wage for their work from their employer, and the customers aren’t expected to subsidy their pay on top of paying for their food.

I gave up arguing for the same kind of system in America, though, when a buddy of mine pointed out that the tipping mentality is so ingrained in our society that if servers made $15 an hour, they’d still feel slighted if they didn’t get an additional %18 to %22 of the bill. It’s hard to argue with that.

But, man o man, everywhere you go these days there’s a tip jar! More and more people who are in some way involved in giving you food have their hands out looking for that extra bump, and I’m tired of it. I won’t be at all surprised (though of course I’ll bitch about it) when we start seeing tip jars in fast food restaurants and at the end of checkout lines in the grocery store! (A quick google search indicates that is already going on in some areas. I’d link to it but it’s harder to do from my phone than it should be.)

So I’m a dick, right? I’m probably a dick.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Those Old Familiar Feelings

So in the course of our normal texting the other day, L asked questions about my dalliances with Simplicity (who L only knows as my “friend”, of course.) She didn’t ask for any identifying information, just what seemed to be curiosity as to what I thought of the sex, would I see her again, etc. I answered her questions honestly, under the impression that since we are as close as we are, she was genuinely interested and would want me to be honest.

Finally, she sent a text saying “Maybe we should just not talk about her anymore.” She went on to say she couldn’t engage is “just” casual sex, she has to have some feelings, and that she doesn’t even like what happened between us. That last part really hurt, because once again it was like she was implying that she never wanted anything to happen, and that I took advantage of her in some way. Or maybe I’m just projecting; she never actually said it outright, but I felt like it’s what she was saying.

She went on to lecture me about how I should talk to the wife about what is bothering me in our marriage, and work things out so I wouldn’t feel the need to cheat. She’s missing the point, of course, that it has nothing to do with the wife and everything to do with me. She said she could understand an affair where there’s some deeper feelings (like she had), but just to do it because I want different sex is somehow wrong.

I was in a funk the rest of that day, and most of the next. It wasn’t so much that it now seems like we are “off” again, at least for the time being; I’ve come to understand that no matter what she says now, it could be back on in a day, a month, a year… or maybe never. The point is, I don’t stress about it because the potential is always there. I was more down because I felt like she was judging me, and I’d lowered myself in her opinion.

But now I’m also kind of mad at her too. Who the hell is she to lecture me about hurting anyone, after all the shit she’s put both B and S through the past 2 ½ years?! Who is she to say her cheating, because she was “planning” to leave B (which is a good bit of revisionist history there, by the way) is somehow more acceptable than my cheating when I don’t plan to leave the wife? I’m not saying that what I do is right, but who the fuck is she to judge me and say I’m wrong, especially compared to her?

But this is life with L, and I know this so I really have no right to complain. Her mood and even personality swings are border-line bipolar, and even when she makes completely contradictory statements from one day to the other, I think she sincerely believes both at the time. It’s hard not to take it personally, but I know I shouldn’t.

There are times I almost convince myself that I wish we’d never crossed that line and did anything sexual at all, but I know that’s bullshit. For all the pain and agitation it’s caused, I’m glad it happened. I’m glad we had sex last month, even though it reopened wounds I’d almost fooled myself into believing were finally closed. And if she is closing that door again, down the road the opportunity will come up and I’ll jump in with both feet knowing what I’m getting myself into. I’m no better in that regard than B or S, or any other guy she’s ever been involved with.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Weekend Update

Happy Monday, everyone! My weekend was pretty good, all things considered. Friday night we met my cousin at a local watering hole and waited for other people from our class to show up. It was our 30th reunion, and they were coming after the home coming game which we chose not to attend. I also didn't go to the dinner Saturday or the brunch Sunday, but that's because I'm a curmudgeon.

I saw a few people there that I remembered (other than the ones in the area that I keep in touch with anyway), and a lot more people that I didn't remember and who didn't remember me. That's cool; I wasn't one of the popular ones in high school, and didn't try very hard to get along with others who weren't in my circle of friends. And I find that there's a reason I didn't bother keeping in touch with them.

I managed to avoid spending too much money, or even a bad hangover Saturday morning, which is good because after doing our Saturday chores and visiting my mom and step-father, we drove down to visit L. We went to Greensboro NC to walk around the big farmer's market they have there, and as usual L and I spent the day making each other laugh while the wife had that "I'm not with them" look on her face. More than once, as we stopped at booths and talked to the proprietors about their wares, it was assumed that L and I were the couple and the wife was the tag along. This happened even when the wife and I were holding hands, or standing closer together than I was with L. We laughed about it at the time, but secretly I loved it.

A friend of hers from work was helping out some people she knew at a popcorn booth, and one of the owners of the booth also thought we were the couple. Her friend then said "Oh, is this the brother you keep talking about?" L said it was, and the girl said "I've heard a lot about you!" I said "It isn't all true!" and she said "Oh, half of it is good stuff." I said "that's the part that isn't true!" The wife and I got home around 9 Saturday night, had a few drinks, and I was barely able to keep my eyes open so we went on to bed. Again, I avoided a hangover and got some much-needed sleep.

Later Sunday morning L and I were texting before the wife got up, and talked about people thinking we were the couple. It turned out she kind of liked it too. I said we made a cuter couple than 95% of the people we see, and she said "I know! But I'm 90% of that and you're 5%!" She said she was just kidding, though actually there's a good bit of truth to that I suppose. I told her that I loved that her friend said she (L) talked about me so much at work, and L called me goofy, but with a smiley face.

Sunday we went to my step-father's family reunion, which I really didn't want to do but we went because it makes my mom happy. I don't know most of the people there, although I see them every year. The problem is, that's the only time I see them, so I can't remember names nor do I have anything in common with them. But it's free food, so I can't complain too much.

Afterwards, I went to the old office to hang out with my former partner. I'd told him about L early on, as he was one friend I knew I could confide in without judgement. In fact, he had similar relationships when he was younger with cousins of his, so he could understand. I caught him up with all the doings since we'd last had a chance to talk, which has been close to a year. Oh, we've hung out in those times, but haven't had time for private conversations.

I didn't tell him anything about the bi stuff; I've been tempted to mainly because I appreciate his insight on things, and I don't think he'd judge me too harshly. And there's the possibility (based on things he's told me about his past) that something could happen between us if he knew, but in no way is that a definite thing. And I'm not sure I would want to when it really came down to it. Still, I've considered telling him just to see what would happen. So far I haven't had the courage to do it, though.

Maybe I'll just send him to this blog and let him find out that way.

How was your weekends?

Friday, September 13, 2013

Slow Friday at Work

A Loyal Reader™ sent me the following joke, and it was so funny that I had to share it.
An elderly man and a woman met in a retirement home.  One night, over dinner in the cafeteria, the conversation turned towards reminiscing over "the good old days."  Eventually, it wandered into fond remembrances of sex.

What do you miss most about sex?
How good it felt...
Why don't you meet me later at my room?  I have idea...

A few hours later, they sat side by side on the bed.  His cock was out of his drawers and she held it gently in her grasp.

How's that?
Oh, that's nice.

Eventually, they developed a ritual.  Every night they would sit side by side and she would hold him in her hands. But one night, he didn't show. Hurt and confused, she confronted him the next day.

Where were you?
Well, I had a date with Esther last night...
What about us?
I know, but you see, Esther has Parkinson’s...


Apologies to Michael J. Fox, who I’m sure has never held an old man’s cock in his hand.

It’s funny, but I kind of feel sorry for the first woman. The man should have asked her to do more than just hold his wiener if that’s what he wanted.

I just thought of two funny nun jokes from my childhood (which doesn’t say a lot about my upbringing, I guess.) The first:

Mother Superior gathered all the nuns around her and said “Sisters, it’s been discovered that a man was in the convent last night!” Twenty sisters said “Oh no!” and one sister said “Tee he he!”

“Further, a used condom was discovered in the trash!” Twenty sisters said “Oh no!” and one sister said “Tee he he!”

“And the condom had a hole in it!” Twenty sisters said “Tee he he!” and one sister said “Oh no!”

And the second:

The nuns were all gathered in whatever room the nuns would be likely to be gathered in, and Mother Superior was listening to their public confessions. (Yea, I don’t know how it works either, but as kids we really didn’t question such things. I’ll thank you to not question them either!)

Sister Rose said “Forgive me Mother, for I have sinned. I saw a man’s privates.”

Mother Superior said “Say 20 Hail Mary’s and wash your eyes in Holy Water.”

Sister Dorothy said “Forgive me Mother, for I have sinned. I touched a man’s privates.”

Mother Superior said “Say 35 Hail Mary’s and wash your hands in Holy Water.”

Sister Blanche stood up and said “Move over, girls; it looks like I’m going to have to gargle!”

I know they aren’t really that funny, but they tickled me when I was a kid. What are your favorite “dirty” jokes?

FFF - Good to Find a Hard Man - 9/13

Word Length = 9 inches  (LOL)
Word Count = 200
Forbidden Words = Cock, Penis, Schlong, Tower of Power
Required Words =  Tentiginous, & Anticipation
Bonus Words = See Comment section below ((Birthdate + age)/3)+15
(Ladies) Tell us about your biggest
(Men) Admit one insecurity
Extra Credit = How long has he been like that and did others see him?

Abbey smiled at the dapper, elderly gentleman who entered the clinic. His suit was of an older style, but immaculately kept. She gave him a quick once-over, approving of the cut and the way it flattered him, when she noticed IT. She knew her experience with such things paled in comparison to Melissa’s, in accounting, but she was fairly certain the old man was sporting more wood than a minor league baseball team.

Without preamble, the gentleman walked up to her counter, unzipped, and pulled out what was easily nine inches of tentiginous manhood. “Miss, can you take a look at this for me?”

Trying her best to maintain her professionalism, and not to let her anticipation show, Abbey composed herself as best she could. She fought the urge to reach out and touch it, just to verify that it was real. If Jim were anywhere near this big, she thought, I wouldn’t have to use my “black” dildo every night!

“Well, Miss?” the gentleman urged. “What do you think?”

“I’m sorry…” Abbey’s voice cracked with embarrassment, both for herself and the poor, confused man. “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not a doctor, or even a nurse. I’m just the receptionist at the clinic.”

“I know that,” the man replied, smiling.

“Oh,” she answered, confused. “Well, then why are you showing me this?”

“This hasn’t happened to me in 20 years,” he winked. “Hell, I’m showing everybody!”

Word count: 237

At the time of this writing, Advizor had not specified how many bonus words we’d get so I made a command decision that it would be 37. Therefore, I nailed it right on the head!

Update: Hell, it's even better than I thought! After I wrote the story and chose my own bonus word amount, Advizor gave us the formula ((date + age)) / 3) + 15. I was born on the 17, I'm 48, which gives 65. Divided by 3 equals 21.666, add 15 for 36.666, or round up to 37. God DAMN I'm good sometimes!

Now to earn those bonus words: Technically, I could tell about the biggest I’ve had as well as any woman could, but I’ll play by the rules and admit one insecurity. One insecurity? Hell, pull up a chair and I can keep you here all day.

I’m too fat, I’m not good looking enough, I don’t earn enough money, I’m not smart enough, I’m not talented enough, and though I’m technically bigger than average, I’m sure that my own cock, penis, schlong, Tower of Power, isn’t enough to satisfy.

And now I’m worried that my insecurities aren’t as good as other men’s are.

Get over to Advizor's site to read the good entries.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

... and I Endorse This Message

This is what I posted on Facebook this morning.

Never forget? Of course we’ll never forget. We’ve been attacked before, but never have so many innocent people been so viciously attacked on our own soil. So I, for one, will always remember this day, and the thousands of lives lost, as being the start of far worse brutality. The attacks that have made us look as bad in the eyes of our friends as we always have in the eyes of our enemies; the attacks on our personal freedom; the attacks on our personal liberties; the attacks on our poor and less fortunate.

All of these attacks have happened before, of course, but September 11, 2001 will always remain, to me, the day these attacks started in earnest, and remain unabated. And the enemy is, indeed, within.

Please understand, I don't hate America. I love the country I grew up in, and spent 8 1/2 years defending. But I do hate what is being done to my country under the guise of "protecting" us from terrorists. Who is going to protect us from the leaders who chip and gouge at our Constitution, until it's rendered meaningless?

I'm not a political person by nature, and I stepped back from any and all politics back in 2009 when I saw that the party may change, but the end result is the same. I still doubt that the current downward spiral we're in, as it pertains to liberty and freedom, can be corrected, but I'm certain that it won't get better under our current choices of Republicrats and Demacons.

Does that mean I'm a Libertarian? No, not really. I agree with a lot of their ideas, and they certainly sound reasonable at times. But some of them act like they're just another social conservative in disguise.

I'm a member of the "had it up to here" party!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Catching Up - Random Thoughts

My weight loss “efforts” are generally going nowhere. I’m in my third (and final) month of the Weight-Watchers program, and I haven’t lost more than two or three pounds, which I promptly put back on. The wife and I had a great deal of success with WW  12 (or so) years ago, and I really thought we’d be able to duplicate that this time around. The wife has lost about 10 pounds, so that’s good, but neither of us were able to generate the level of commitment to it that we did years ago. Maybe it’s because I’m older and more set in my ways, or maybe it’s just a mental block I’m putting on myself. I don’t know. <i>Le sigh.</i>

On the other hand, my experiment with being more patient when driving, and in other facets of my life, is going well. I no longer routinely rant and rail about the other dumb-ass drivers on the road; mostly I just keep an eye on them until I’m out of the way of any harm they could do me, if any. The only time I even come close to my previous behavior is when something they do is a direct, immediate threat to me and my well-being, and even then I focus more on getting away (either slowing down or speeding up) and less on bitching about it. Still, I’m not perfect, but it’s a definite improvement.

In fact, it’s starting to have an effect on the wife as well. Over the years her road-rage has gotten as bad as (and sometimes worse than) mine, and it’s almost entirely my fault. My actions influenced her, and her outbursts were more out of sympathy to me being outraged by every little error others made than any anger she honestly felt. Over time it became her anger, but I still feel like it was my doing. And like me, it hasn’t been confined to just others driving habits; she’s as judgmental about every day behaviors as I’ve ever been. As I work to change myself, I gently encourage her to change as well.

The local baseball team made it to the championship, and so far is up two games to none. It’s a best of five series, so tonight’s game at home could be the last one for the season. It was doubtful they’d even make it to the post season a month ago, but they did and swept their semi-finals opponent. Now they’re on the verge of sweeping the team with the best record in the league and winning it all.

The wife is tickled pink, of course, and is glad that they’ll finish up at home. Even if they somehow lose the next two games, the final game would be at home. But of course she doesn’t want them screwing it up, so she wants them to win tonightand be done with it.

I’m conflicted about the season being over. I like having time to myself, but after a while I start to resent her going to every home game. But when there’s a long stretch between games, or when the season is over, I start to resent her being home every night. I never have any space to myself, whether I just want to have some peace and quiet or if I want to engage in shenanigans. How inconsiderate of her to neglect me enough to make me want to cheat in the first place, then not give me the free time to cheat!

(No, I’m kidding. Her neglect, real as it is, isn’t the reason I cheat. It’s much more complicated than that.)

L and B went to Myrtle Beach (South Carolina, for those who don’t know) for the weekend. I was on pins and needles all weekend expecting to get a text from one or the other about things going to hell. But apparently all went well (so far as L has said anything), and they even got tattoos Sunday night. Fortunately nothing with either of their names on them, though.

Have you ever heard Reckless Kelly’s “Crazy Eddie’s Las Hurrah”? It starts off innocently enough, as a fun, rocking “my girl done gone so I got drunk as hell” kind of song, but it ends like this:

Well I gathered up all my guns
and a pipe bomb just for fun
and I drove to her house and parked on her lawn
she’s right, I always was the crazy one.

Well her boyfriend was sure nice to me
He said “Calm down, would you like a drink?”
And then I shot him full of holes from his nose to his knees
And I polished off my little sweet pea.

And now I’m crying on my knees, feelin’ dirty and unholy
But I’m never getting’ over Jolie.
Now I’ll probably get life and serve at least forty
But I’m never getting’ over Jolie.

I get the strongest sense of foreboding from these lyrics, but at the same time I’m strangely drawn to reading or hearing them over and over. I’ve read far more gruesome stories than a double homicide committed by a jilted lover, and I know it’s just a song, but something about it really gives me the creeps.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Weekend Update

Happy Monday all! I apologize for the tardiness of my “weekend update” this week; I was up late watching my Dallas Cowboys hang on to a victory against the New York Football Giants (that’s their full name; look it up.) The night games take long enough as it is, but when it’s a Cowboys game, I’m just too keyed up to sleep when it’s over. I’m either very excited (and relieved) that they won, or I’m so furious that they lost, and it’ll take me another half hour or longer to finally sleep. I’m not the young man I used to be, who could function reasonably well on only 4½ hours sleep.

So this was a relatively calm weekend, and I didn’t have to rush to rent a trailer to move anyone, so that’s good. The niece went out of town Friday evening after work, leaving the wife and me alone all night for the first time in a while. And shark week was over last week, so all systems were go for some rolling around in the hay!

Except we had a big meal, and after a glass of wine and a (weak) bourbon we were both just dead tired. There was just no way anything was going to happen Friday night, despite both of us wanting to. I barely stayed awake long enough to floss and brush my teeth, and though I gamely went in for some nipple play when we were in bed, I was asleep before she had time to tell me to stop.

Saturday morning, after doing our usual chores (grocery shopping then visiting my parents), we were back home considering what we’d have for lunch. We were in the kitchen holding each other and talking when her hand snaked down and fondled me. One thing led to another, and soon we were in the bedroom taking each other’s clothes off. She gave me a quick suck, and let me go down on her for a few minutes, but we wanted to fuck!

After 20 minutes of teasing and varying my tempo, and the angle of my thrusts, she said “I want you to come in my mouth!” It’s not often she says this, so I was immediately closer to the edge than I’d been before! I pulled out, toweled off a little (she doesn’t like the thought of her wetness on my cock when she’s sucking me off) and lay on my side. She scooted down, also on her side, and took me in her mouth. We got a good rhythm going, me thrusting in time to her own movements, and before very long I was panting louder and heavier. I half expected her to change her mind at the last second, but like a trooper she kept me in her mouth as I clenched and spurted. She spit it out on the towel she had ready, and it was a rather large load!

She has on occasion swallowed, but prefers not to. As for me, once I’ve had my orgasm, it really no longer matters to me what she does with it. I’ve hinted that I’d share if she wanted, but she doesn’t find the idea at all sexy. Sigh

She lay back and I brought out her favorite toys; a massager and a vibrator. She ran the massager over her clit while I gently inserted the vibrator and fucked her with it. She was still very wet, and came hard within a few minutes of this.

We continued on with our day, and later had a quick bite to eat out at one of our favorite delis while we were riding the bike. We got home and the wife got into her “walking around the house” clothes while I thought about having a cigar. We started kissing again, and before I knew it I had her bent over the arm of the sofa and was fucking her from behind! We went into the bedroom after a few minutes (in case the niece came home earlier than expected) and continued from there. Because I’d already come earlier that day, I had to work at getting myself to orgasm but afterwards she came pretty quickly again. I love when we both come twice!

We capped off a pretty good weekend by riding some on Sunday, but mostly we stayed home. I grilled some ribs for dinner (the first time I did them entirely on the grill, and they came out really good) made home-made bread, pasta salad, and the wife pan-fried some asparagus. NFL is back, so we watched some fun games all day, and of course the big game that night.

So how was your weekend?

Friday, September 6, 2013

FFF - Pictures of Lily - 9/6

Word Count = 275
Required Word = Wager
Forbidden Words = Porn, Panties, Camera
Bonus Words = Tell us where to the pictures end up a year later (+43 words)
Extra Credit = Add a picture of your own.
The shoot did not start off well; the “professional” photographer was a thick-headed hipster with an overblown ego. I laughed when pointed to the ridiculous red yarn on his wrist, and I wondered if he had bothered skimming the Wikipedia entry on Kabbalah or just jumped into the fad blind.

My husband, Harold won the wager fair and square, though, and that’s what really pissed me off. I’d been so sure I was right this time! But no, Tebow couldn’t beat out Brady for the job. At least I didn’t put anal on the table like I usually do.* But being naked while a stranger takes pictures and my husband directs the action was almost as bad.

“That’s it, babe; pinch your nipples and really make them stand up!”

Despite myself, I was getting turned on.

“Now slide your hand under your thong. Are you getting this, Steve?”

I was surprised at how wet I was, but the delicious feeling of sliding my fingers into me, then across my nub, was undeniable. I slid my underwear down, and raised my legs to remove them entirely, exposing myself completely. Steve snapped pictures at a climatic pace. Harold put my vibrator in my hand, and I came immediately when it touched my clit.

I opened my eyes, still dazed, and saw Steve holding his cock in one hand, still taking pictures. He was close enough for me to hook my feet behind him and pull him to me. He hesitated and looked at Harold, questioningly. “If she wants it, she’s all yours buddy.”

I came again when he entered me, and Harold took over the picture taking. When Steve’s pace quickened, I gasped “Don’t come in me!” He pulled out and shot his cum on my tits and face, and I licked up what I could reach with my tongue.

I knew the pictures would soon be on

*hat tip to Sillyone.

Pretty much straight forward sex with this week's FFF. I'd get "bonus points" for adding a picture of my own, but I don't think I have any pictures of me that I haven't already posted in one way or another so there's not much I can add there. 

Get over to Advizor's site to see the great stories others come up with.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Going to L in a 'andbasket

When we left S’s house on Sunday, he called and said she left some things. I told her I’d pick them up on my way home, but later we realized if I did that he’d know I hadn’t taken her to my town, and would guess she was back with B. At first L said it wouldn’t matter what he knew once she got everything, but then decided it would be best not to say anything that could get him riled up.

I was going to go Monday afternoon while the wife was at a ballgame, but I zoned out while smoking a cigar and really just forgot about it until it was too late. S texted me Wednesday asking when I was coming, and I told him (and L, separately) that I’d forgotten Monday so I’d come that day, Wednesday, if that was okay. I didn’t care that the wife knew I was going, but I wanted to go when she was occupied with something else (meaning baseball) so that she wouldn’t want to go with. S is a large man, and has a touch of crazy to him; I honestly didn’t expect any trouble, but if there was going to be some I didn’t want to have to worry about me and someone else at the same time.

So I drove to S’s place (about a 45 minute drive) and he came out and got L’s things from his truck (he told me it would be there if I came by and he was gone for some reason.) He showed me a ’69 Camaro body he’s working on to get cleaned up and sell (no engine or transmission, but the body is sound and he’s put in a new floor pan) and we talked some, about 20 minutes, before I left. In short, everything was cool and there was no drama to speak of.

Mainly he talked about L, of course, and how frustrated he’s been trying to be with her. A couple times I thought to offer some insight, but it was clear he wasn’t in a listening mood; he wanted to complain about her, and B, and everything that had happened in the past 2 ½ years. I wound up not saying much, just letting him blow off some steam. When I left, the last thing he said was “Tell her that I wish her the best, and hope she finds happiness or whatever she’s looking for. I won’t call or text her anymore, and I prefer that she not contact me.”

That’s all bullshit, of course; if she starts when she starts missing him she’ll call or text, and he’ll fall all over himself to get back in her good graces. Oh, he may talk it up like he doesn’t want anything to do with her and maybe some small part of his mind will actually believe it, but it won’t last long. In that respect, he and B are very much alike.

Another way the two of them are alike is in how incredibly obtuse they both are when it comes to L. Because they were together for so long, B thinks he knows everything there is to know about L, and he isn’t going to listen to anything different. (Not that I’m surprised by that; he acts that way about any subject.)

 In his mind, he was a good father to L’s daughter (which is true) and a good provider (which is kind of true) and that L only left him because S has a bigger dick (partially true.) He knows about the two times he caught her being inappropriate with other guys, and that it might have led to sex, but he doesn’t know about the actual screwing around she did. He thinks the hatred that has developed in her for him is a recent thing, even though she’s told him that it happened years ago based on his own actions. He brushes that off with a “get over it” attitude.

S thinks L’s biggest problem is that she spent 15+ years with B, and that he’s the cause of all of L’s mood swings and unwillingness to be close to others. Again, there’s some truth to that, but it’s not the whole story. He knows L fucked around on her first husband, whom she was still married to when she and B moved in together (after only knowing each other about a week.) If he’d listen, and think it through, he would realize that most of the things L has gone through with B she already went through with the first husband. B has his faults, and plenty of them, but he’s not totally to blame.

But because S thinks it’s all B’s fault that L is the way she is, he completely discounts any notion of anything he’s done as adding to the problem. He does react to her criticisms, though; for instance, she’s told him a number of times that he’s too clingy so he tries to back off to see if that will please her. It’s a step ahead of what B will do, but it still misses the point. He does it with an “I hope this will make her happy” attitude, instead of seeing how his clinginess and neediness comes through with everything he does. He suffocates her and doesn’t even begin to have a clue about it because he thinks she should be happy with his over-attention. You know, like all “normal” women would be.

These are just examples, of course. I could go on and on about the complaints L has about both of them, and ways they could potentially adjust their own behaviors to try to please her, but I’d be wasting my breath. True, some of the L’s complaints are a bit childish, but some are reasonable and deserve at least some consideration. But both B and S are 1) too unwilling to recognize their own faults and 2) too stubborn to change even if they did.

And frankly, I don’t know how much it would matter if they did change. I suspect that if either of them were to somehow become exactly what she was looking for, she would still wind up feeling trapped and smothered with them. I think she needs to be truly on her own, not dependent on or controlled by anyone, in order to really be happy. She wants to be able to, at her whim, date S or B or anyone else she chooses, and doesn’t want to be tied to any one person.

That’s one of the many ways she and I are alike.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Highlights from Sunday

Here are some conversations and events from Sunday that stick in my mind, either because they were funny (to L and me, anyway) or otherwise interesting (to me, anyway.) I decided to post these separately to keep the Weekend Update post shorter, and because I think it would have interrupted the flow trying to shoehorn them in.

- When we walked into the same U-Haul place as last week, the same guy was behind the counter. He looked at us in surprise and said "Oh, you're back?" I said "Yea, I think we need to talk about getting a weekly rate on the trailer." L laughed and said "I told you last week we should just buy one."

- B sent L a text saying when we started bringing stuff in to not wake the computer because the background was a picture of her tits. He said "I don't want to traumatize your brother." L told me and I said "Tell him I said I'm a good brother, and I don't even look at them when I'm fucking you."

- On the road from S to B, L called and said her step-father called. They chatted about some things, and he'd asked her where she was staying. Speaking as if I were L answering him, I said "Well, it's funny you should ask that... today of all days." L got to giggling over the phone, and I continued. "It was kind of iffy this morning, but now, yea, I'm still in town."

- We stopped at a Sheetz to get me a soda and both of us a bite to eat. L had taken off her bra in the car because she didn't like the sweaty feeling. As we walked out of Sheetz I looked pointedly at her tits through her thin t-shirt and said "I love the air conditioning in that place!"

- We ate at my Pathfinder and talked a bit. L said "Rob, I need you to tell me I'll be okay, and I'll make this work!" After all the energy I'd put into keeping this from happening, it was hard for me to do but I could tell she really needed it. With as much sincerity as I could fake, I said "You're going to be fine, and you'll make this work somehow." She looked relieved, then said "If I could just stop fucking... other people." I laughed and said "Well, just keep it in the family and you'll be fine! It's more fun that way."

- She laughed and said "Rob's going 'hell yea, I'm in; fuck S!'" (I include this because at the time I wondered if she was saying I'm in.)

- After we got the last of the big furniture in L's daughter's room, and into the closet, L quickly lifted her shirt so I could ogle her boobs. She said "I figure you deserve this, but no touching! You're sweaty and icky!"

- After we were done, we stood outside while I sipped a beer and cooled down. She was texting her friend about being back with B, and was telling me what they were saying back and forth. She got that look of embarrassment and said "I'm sorry, brother, I know this is all fucked up. I just couldn't make it there; I can be myself with B even when I don't like being here." I smiled, because what else could I do, and said "Someday you and I will just get a place together." I thought she'd just laugh it off, but she looked at me wistfully and said "Why couldn't you say this before all the moving?" A little taken aback, I replied "Because I don't know when that will be." She said "Yea, it could be another 40 years. But I'll wait." (I think I'll need to explore this some more in a future post.)

- We were back inside a little later, I'd taken a quick, cool shower, and B was up and had come out to talk a bit before going back in their bedroom. L went in and a few minutes later came out walking towards me. She lifted her shirt again and whispered "touch them, quick, touch them!" I stroked the nipples and she pulled her shirt down and said "You're too slow." I laughed and made like I was going to pull the gym shorts down, and she said "No! B could come out!"

- She'd joked around a couple of times about me staying and helping her organize things, knowing I would have to be heading home. But now I was starting to see some possibilities if I were there after B left for work. I asked when he'd be leaving and she said 5:30. I'd already texted the wife that I would be leaving around 5:00, but told L "I could probably stay for a little bit and help." She made an "I'm sorry" face and said "but I'm on my period." I said, in all seriousness "I don't care." She laughed and said "but I do!"

Again, it turned out B didn't go to work after all, so it was just as well that we didn't make any plans. It remains to be seen if L will continue having thoughts along those lines, but it does make me hopeful. I'll continue trying to keep a careful balance between letting her know I'm still interested whenever she's in the mood (and circumstances allow), and being okay with it when she's not.

I still worry about her and B being together, but we all just have to make the best of it for now.

Weekend Update (Early Edition)

Last week I wrote that I wanted to be confident that L would be able to work through her problems and give her and S an honest try, but that I couldn't be. By Monday she'd already started grumbling, and on Tuesday I had to talk her down from wanting to leave that day. When she said she and S talked and came to some conclusions, I was hopeful that things would get better.

Guess where L is this morning? If you said "with B" then you win the prize. What's the prize? Getting to read me bitching about what a crappy weekend this has been.

She started Saturday morning, making comments here and there about feeling stressed and uncomfortable. I tried to talk her through, remind her she'd only been there a little time and needed to give herself time to get adjusted to the new surroundings. She's never stayed long enough (12 days is the record, but generally she can't make it a full week) to get comfortable with his place and think of it as her place. She would agree, but I knew she wasn't feeling it.

Saturday evening she finally sent a text saying she couldn't take it, she had to leave, and wanting me to call B and get him to take her back. She didn't want to call him herself because she was worried that he'd would text S about it. I pointed out that he could do that just as easily if I call him, but she didn't care. I refused, saying that B was the last place she should be, and that she just needed to give her and S a chance.

Long story short, five hours later I finally agreed to send B a text asking if I could call her about L. She was making vague threats about how I was pissing her off and she was about to do something shitty. Someday I'm going to throw that right back in her face, but not that night. I figured B would be at work (night shift), and would say no. Actually, I'd just sent the text and was working on the next one saying "for both of our sakes, just say no" when his answer came: "Yeah, I guess." Are you fucking kidding me?! (Turns out he'd taken the night off to Virginia Tech against Alabama, hoping VT would at least make a game of it.)

I called, and we very civilly talked about how he just can't do it anymore; he's tried helping her so many times before just to be shit on again, and he isn't going to do it. I frankly told him that I hoped he would stick to that, because as far as I'm concerned that would be the worst thing for him and her to do. 

L wanted me to act like I was calling him on my own, and that even she didn't know about it, and didn't want me to admit that she was with S. Fuck that; I told B exactly what was going on, and hoped that he would stick to his guns. I did ask him to not rat me out to L when she called him later (because we both knew she would) and he agreed to stick to the story that L wanted me to tell him. 

After we hung up I texted L that he said he wasn't going to help, and she answered that I should have tried harder and to call him back. I put the phone aside, on silent, and ignored it the rest of the night and attempted to drink myself into a coma. (The wife would never let that happen, even if I were serious about wanting to do it, but she did let me get pretty fucked up.)

When I got up Sunday morning, hungover of course, I checked my phone and saw she'd been texting for the past hour (starting around 6 a.m.) Still wanting to move, saying she'd pay for the trailer this time, and could she come take a shower because S's well is still fucked up. I said she could come take a shower, and she let me know when she was on her way. I woke the wife to give her time to get herself taken care of, and 45 minutes later L pulled up. She stayed in the care for a long time, talking to someone (I knew it was B) and when she finally came in it was obvious she'd been crying.

She jumped in the shower after greeting everyone, and when she came out a few minute later, hair wrapped in a towel but otherwise dressed and ready, I asked what we needed to do. She said "move me out of there." Where are we taking your stuff. Of course she was still working on B at this point, and about 10 minutes later he gave in. I wasn't one bit surprised; from the moment he'd said I could call him about her, I knew no matter what he said he would eventually do what she wanted. He and I are a lot alike in that respect.

So she and I rented a trailer, went to S's and got her stuff. He was surprisingly calm despite being obviously frustrated with the situation, and helped us load everything. Thankfully the majority of it was still packed up from the week before, but it was another hot, humid day and I was soaked with sweat by the time we were done. L and I rode separately this time, so over all it wasn't as much fun, but she would call while we were traveling and we'd joke around and get each other laughing again.

Another "fuck you" from B, though, as he was sleeping when we got there because he was working that night, so again he didn't help. L and I unloaded everything and got it inside, and I was a hot mess. After we were done I drank a few beers while I cooled off, then stripped and took a shower while L ran my wet things through the dryer so I wouldn't have to put them back on wet and clammy. She gave me a pair of B's gym shorts to wear so I wouldn't be naked. (Honestly, if B hadn't been there, we probably would have both been naked, but alas.) I helped L get things organized while my clothes dried and B, having gotten up by this time, sat on the sofa watching golf.

I left around 5, dropped off the trailer, and headed home. I let L know I was back in town safe and sound, and she thanked me again for being a good brother and helping her, apologizing for the drama and saying that she was going to make this work. I told her she better. I also told her that should the time come when she needs to leave B again, I'd do everything I could to help her but I would not move her back to S. She agreed, saying she knows now that it just won't work with him no matter how she feels about him at times, and she's not going to put either of them through that again. I wish I could believe her, but I have no doubt that sometime down the road this whole fucking process is going to start up again.

The wife and I went to dinner when I got home, and on the way we talked about the move and everything else. She said "L owns you, big time." I figured this was just another one of her mistakes in English, and that she really meant that L owes me, but I was wrong. "She owns you. She says 'move me' and you jump." I pointed out sheepishly that I held out longer this time, but we both knew it was a hollow victory at best. 

Oh, I called L when I was still on my way back home to ask her something, and as it was after 5:30 I asked if B had already left. She said "no, he called off tonight too." That mother fucker!