I told L about the text chat I had with A Saturday night. Her reaction was pretty much what I expected, and mirrored the comments on the post, that it seems like something is there and you never know what will happen in the future. She's known since I first met A that I was interested in her; I told L about it at the time because I wanted her to be at least a little jealous. And I told her about Saturday's texts with A for the same reason. Hey, I know it's childish, but that's how she and I roll. She denies it, but she does the same thing to me.
I would never tell L about this blog, because I would never tell her about my "curious" side. I know her well enough to know that she would most likely act understanding and supportive if I were to admit to wanting to explore that side of me, but she would also use it as a weapon at some point. She'd use the threat of telling "everyone" if I didn't do what she expected me to. And if she became angry with me over some stupid little thing (which she frequently does), she'd throw it in my face, in an attempt to belittle me because of it.
In fact, she's used the threat of telling "everyone" about us having sex in the same manner. I usually do what she wants anyway, but she doesn't understand that I truly don't care if she tells everyone about us. What's the worst that could happen, the wife gets pissed and divorces me? I'd feel bad about the hurt she'd feel, but it wouldn't crush me if that happened. I'm certainly not afraid of the (now ex) husband; he acts like a tough guy, but if the chips were down I think I could protect myself. And really, after all the things she's done to hurt him just for him to take her back (and his drinking gets worse and worse) finding out I fucked her would just be the icing on the cake. I feel like one day she's going to threaten me with that and I'm going to say "fuck it" and tell the ex about it myself. Trust me, once he knows "everyone" else will find out too.
But the being bi thing, well that's another matter. (I've said before that I don't know if the "bi" label fits me, but it's close enough and makes it easier when writing about it.) It feels like it would be easier to come out if I were gay than telling people I've known my whole life that I think I'm bi. Mostly there would be the denial. "You've been married 20 years!" they'd say. "This is just some play for attention?" they'd say. "Huh?" my wife would ask as she dragged her attention away from the spring training stats and Candy Crush game on her laptop. "Did you say something?"
No, L is probably the last person in the world I would say anything about this too. But if the thought I might get a little side action from A makes her a little jealous? Yea, I'm ok with that.
I would never tell L about this blog, because I would never tell her about my "curious" side. I know her well enough to know that she would most likely act understanding and supportive if I were to admit to wanting to explore that side of me, but she would also use it as a weapon at some point. She'd use the threat of telling "everyone" if I didn't do what she expected me to. And if she became angry with me over some stupid little thing (which she frequently does), she'd throw it in my face, in an attempt to belittle me because of it.
In fact, she's used the threat of telling "everyone" about us having sex in the same manner. I usually do what she wants anyway, but she doesn't understand that I truly don't care if she tells everyone about us. What's the worst that could happen, the wife gets pissed and divorces me? I'd feel bad about the hurt she'd feel, but it wouldn't crush me if that happened. I'm certainly not afraid of the (now ex) husband; he acts like a tough guy, but if the chips were down I think I could protect myself. And really, after all the things she's done to hurt him just for him to take her back (and his drinking gets worse and worse) finding out I fucked her would just be the icing on the cake. I feel like one day she's going to threaten me with that and I'm going to say "fuck it" and tell the ex about it myself. Trust me, once he knows "everyone" else will find out too.
But the being bi thing, well that's another matter. (I've said before that I don't know if the "bi" label fits me, but it's close enough and makes it easier when writing about it.) It feels like it would be easier to come out if I were gay than telling people I've known my whole life that I think I'm bi. Mostly there would be the denial. "You've been married 20 years!" they'd say. "This is just some play for attention?" they'd say. "Huh?" my wife would ask as she dragged her attention away from the spring training stats and Candy Crush game on her laptop. "Did you say something?"
No, L is probably the last person in the world I would say anything about this too. But if the thought I might get a little side action from A makes her a little jealous? Yea, I'm ok with that.
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