Small Update

Things are starting to get back into the same rut. It seems the majority of the wife’s attention is on baseball, either with the local games or (when they aren’t in town) following them online and monitoring other games. I suppose we’ll need to have another talk about it, but honestly I don’t know if it’s worth the effort. It just feels like we’re saying the same things over and over and it gets a little better for a time but then soon enough we’re right back where we were.

As I think it through, I’m not really sure what I’m complaining about anymore. I really don’t mind her going to the games; she enjoys them and I have a little time to myself. If I weren’t so apathetic about everything, I could use that time to get out and do things, but mainly I just stay home and read. At least this year I have the gym, which I still try to stay steady and consistent with. We go together when she doesn’t have a game to go to, and when she does I try to get over there on my own. But other than the gym, I really just don’t have motivation to do anything else.

I complain about how much time and energy she devotes to baseball, but why does that bother me? I know I’ve said before something along the lines of “If she would put half the work into ‘us’ as she does into baseball…” but the truth is I couldn’t stand a tenth of that focus. If she dropped baseball tomorrow I certainly wouldn’t be able to absorb the energy, and I suspect that I’d be just as resentful of any other hobby she picked up to replace it.

After some little reflection, I think I’m jealous of her ability to be so immersed in a hobby and maintain the passion and joy for it. I’ve never been able to do that because I lose interest so quickly in things. I used to play golf; poorly, but I enjoyed it. When I had time and money, I’d go to the driving range three or four times a week, and try to get on the course at least once every week or two. Then, almost overnight, nothing; I lost complete interest in it. I tried going to the driving range a few times to see if the spark could be rekindled but it never was. It was the same with computers, bowling, music, etc.; all things I deeply loved doing until one day, nothing.

So I’m going to try criticizing her baseball hobby less. Despite occasionally going overboard with it, she’s really not hurting anybody, least of all me. I wish I could enjoy it with her, because I know she’d love that, but I simply can’t. But I can allow her to enjoy it without trying to make her feel guilty about it.