Too Good to be True

I'm starting this Saturday night, but it likely won't get posted until Sunday morning.

I've spent the day thinking about how I'd write this post, what I'd say and wouldn't say. And now I'm as blank as ever.

CR and I decided to try again for this morning, meeting at the church. We talked about it all week, teasing and getting each other charged up. We talked about it again this morning, shoring up our plans and getting the little details worked out. Then the wives woke up and we had to get on with our morning, but knowing we'd see each other (finally!) at nine.

It's been harder (giggity) this week to get excited after the false starts we've already had, but I was starting to get into it. And this morning I was raring to go! But when the I got a text from him at 8:30 I already knew what it would say before I saw it.

So once again something has come up at the last minute. My head is telling me this doesn't happen every time if both parties are wanting to get together. My gut tells me that CR isn't playing games, and that this is just a run of bad luck. Honestly I just don't know what to think.

But it's becoming more and more apparent that this is just not going to work out for us. Not now, not under these circumstances. The church isn't the "safe," reliable place it was supposed to be. There's no way for CR to ensure that someone else won't want to be there at the time we're trying to, and there's no guarantee that once we got started someone won't show up unexpectedly. That would be bad for everyone!

So CR, if you're reading this, I'm not mad. I'm trying to be understanding of how things are for both of us. I hope that we can still chat as friends. But I think it's time to just let it go unless we can figure out something more reliable. I can't maintain excitement about something when in the back of my mind I'm doubting it's going to happen at all.

My urge and need to suck a dick rises and falls seemingly at random. Right now I'm honestly not even sure I want it any more. That will probably change down the road, but for now I think I'm done.