Joke of the Week

I love a good shaggy dog. Don't you?

Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs, and great relationships with all staff/pupils.

Recently he had accepted a job at the largest, most run down, violent school in the area. It was full of underprivileged children who were taking their poor upbringings and cynical views on the world to school every morning. No staff wanted to be there, no pupil felt safe there. Bullying, drugs, it truly was a mess.

However, over time, Mr Johnson began to work his patented magic. Within a year the school's fortunes were turning around. Bad behaviour was dropping, students were learning to believe in themselves, staff were actually enjoying teaching these students who were all becoming willing learners. Violence stopped, the drugs supply stopped, bullying stopped, students were actually happy.

As time passed, the school began to churn out successful alumni. Lots went on to college thanks to the ambitions installed in them by one understanding, knowledgeable headmaster. Students when asked about Mr Johnson would often describe him as a friend, but also an interesting teacher who they wanted to listen to every time he spoke. The schools facilities were upgraded to become state of the art thanks to Mr Johnson's financial control, and parents began fighting over getting their children accepted in to it when they were old enough to go rather then fighting to stop it!

But one day as Mr Johnson was strolling down the corridors exchanging pleasantries with students and staff he was accosted by a tearful young boy named little Timmy. Timmy Announced:

"Mister Johnson! My Dad is always angry at my Mum. He says she can never do anything right. He says she is a worthless wife and she could never satisfy him, he says he should cheated on her or leave her!"

"Oh dear..." replied Mr Johnson. "I'm so sorry to hear that Timmy, but in domestic affairs like this I have no control. Unless your parents are violent or bad towards you, I can do nothing but offer you my emotional support"

"Right..." Timmy sniffed. And with that, he was gone.

Mr Johnson didn't hear from Timmy again, he noticed the boy was sad, but on close inspection he couldn't see any signs of abuse. What could he do unless the parents came to him?

Mr Johnson had an idea. A few weeks passed and it was parent's evening at the school, where parents come in to meet the teachers. Mr Johnson had organised it and it was going really well. He had arranged to meet Timmy's parents so he had an excuse to fix things. But to his dismay, things had escalated before he got the chance - As he passed through the main school hall were teachers, parents and their children were all happily conversing a loud scream echoed down the hall - it was Timmy's Dad.

Timmy's Dad was causing an enormous scene, shouting at Timmm's Mum. " You are worthless! You can't do anything right! You can't satisfy me! I should CHEAT on you or LEAVE you!!"

It even looked like Timmy's Dad may be threatening to throw a punch. Timmy's mother was just standing cowering there in tears, as was poor little Timmy.

Mr Johnson rushed up to them and proclaimed "YOU TWO! Come with me! Now!"

The crowd which had formed watched the three walk off into a nearby walk-in cloakroom, leaving Timmy standing in the main hall. One parent went to comfort the boy.

Everything fell silent, then a few minutes passed and some of the crowd began to dissipate. All of a sudden Mr Johnson and Timmy's parents emerged from the cloakroom. Timmy's Dad was wearing a wide, ear to ear smile like the cat that got the cream. His wife was tucked under his arm beaming with shy, cheeky, happiness at the floor.

"Come on Timmy, we're leaving!" Announced his father triumphantly, and off they went.

The parent who had been looking after Timmy when they were gone picked up her jaw from the floor, turned to Mr Johnson in amazement and asked:

"Wait, he said she was worthless; she couldn't do anything right; she couldn't satisfy him; he should cheat on her or LEAVE her!! How on earth did you fix that?!

Mr Johnson coolly replied: "I'm just a really great head-teacher"

FFF - Yes! - 2/28

Word Limit: 250

Bonus Words: +50 if there's a happy ending.

Required Word: Voilà

Forbidden Word: Viagra

Extra Credit: If you're a man, write it from her point of view; 

if you're a woman, write it from his.

I was still half asleep when David came out of the bathroom, showered and wrapped in a towel.

“I shaved,” he said.

“Big deal,” I mumbled, eyes still closed. “You shave every day.”

“No, I mean I shaved… down there.”

That woke me up. I’ve been asking David to manscape for the two years we’ve been together and he’s always refused. Even when I “blow-cotted” him he stuck to his guns; he knew I love going down on him too much to resist for long, hair or no. He claims he trims it now and then, but I’ve never been able to see much of a difference. I asked if I could once but he said “no!” so quickly and emphatically that it kind of hurt my feelings.

I sat up in bed. “Okay, let’s see it.”

He shouted “Voila!” and spread the towel, displaying his glory. It took me a moment to understand what I was seeing; I loved the look of his impressive cock almost completely bare, except for the pattern he’d left. Then I looked at the pattern more closely and was stunned.

I looked at him and growled “C’mere, you!” When he got close enough I threw him on the bed, and without another word I gave him the best blow-job I knew how. It was so much better without the hair tickling my lips and nose, and when he came I had him as deep as he could go.

I licked him clean and crawled up beside him, kissing him as I went. “Do you like it?” he asked. “That’s why I let it grow for so long.”

“I love it,” I purred. “And the answer is ‘yes’!” When your boyfriend shaves his pubes to say “Marry me Kate” what other answer can there be?

300 Words, thanks to the "happy ending."

I was going to write a story about a woman who is friends with identical twins. The only difference between them, which she hears from another woman who has slept with both, is that Alan's dick is bigger than Adam's. When she drunkenly follows one of them upstairs, she's not sure who she's with until he removes the towel; thus the happy look. Meh, it sounded better in my head, and it was going to take a lot more than 300 words to pull it off.

Anyway, get over to Tom's Three Spelling Mistakes to read the rest of today's wonderful entries!

Probably Should Have Ditched This One Too.

I don’t want to write about L anymore. I don’t want her to be such a focus for me, such a priority that I feel the need to work through my thoughts by writing it all down. It’s clear I don’t mean that much to her, so I’m a chump to let her mean that much to me.

But here I am in a funk again because of her, and not able to write more than a few sentences before my thoughts get all jumbled up and I erase everything because it doesn’t make any fucking sense. Since Monday I’ve started three different posts that I wound up deleting. Four if you count this one, because it was much longer before I deleted it and wrote this. And honestly, this one may not survive the cut either.

I decided this weekend to start distancing myself from her, the way she’s seemingly doing to me. We still text most days, at least a little, but I haven’t initiated the conversations and I’ve kept my replies short. Of course I want her to notice, and to feel the kind of sting I felt on Saturday when I saw on Facebook that she and B had been in town. I want her to see that I’m moving away from her, and for her to feel the helpless emptiness that I feel because of her moving away from me.

Oh, you think that’s immature? That’s not even the beginning of it. I’m still trying to think of a plausible excuse for the wife and I to drive down there this weekend without telling her, and check in all kinds of places on Facebook; shopping, eating, whatever, just to let her know we were there and didn’t want to be with her. How’s that for immature?

There are two reasons why it won’t happen, though. For one, the wife wouldn’t understand, and it would be too hard to explain why we were doing that. Secondly, L probably wouldn’t notice, or wouldn’t care if she did. And if somehow she did care and fussed at me about it, I’d feel like shit for having hurt her. How fucked up is that?

But she may have noticed the distance after all. Yesterday evening she asked me to call, and asked me a computer question "for a friend" she didn’t really need to ask. The purpose was to drop just enough hints to get me curious (and probably jealous) and start badgering her with questions. (This isn’t idle speculation on my part, either. She’s done it enough times for me to recognize the pattern.) So far I’ve failed to take the bait; I answered her question as if I were completely uninterested in whatever clues she was dropping and I’m not going to ask for any details. It’s her mess, let her deal with it.

Re-reading all of the above, I feel like a character in a crappy “feel good” movie that only B-list actors are in because no serious actor would want to be in a movie this bad. (I see Brendan Fraser playing me.) This is the point in the movie where you’re rolling your eyes and thinking “This guy is just too fucking annoyingly stupid. Why doesn’t he just cut the crap and tell her how he feels? It would clear everything up, the happy music would play while the credits roll and we can move the fuck on!” (Maybe Renée O'Connor could play L.)

What you don’t see after the credits roll (if you even made it that far into the movie) is how two days later everything goes to shit again, and you’re right back where you started.

I Probably Worry too Much.

I did something that I didn’t think I’d ever do. James has done it, and if I remember correctly he often thinks it was a mistake afterwards. That’s one of the reasons I thought I’d never do it. However, James also talks about how it’s scary, but also a little liberating to do it, and that’s why I ultimately did it as well.

So what did I do? I invited a friend to my blog. Yes, someone I know in real life to read my blog. And not just any someone; this is a guy I’ve known since elementary school and have been good friends with for years. In fact, he was the first person I ever told about L, and he knows all of the ups and downs of that relationship.

But he doesn’t (or didn’t) know the other thing… my “curious” nature. I invited him because I wanted him to read a specific article (“I’m not a Poly-Sci Major”) and comment on it. I could have emailed him the text and we could have discussed it among ourselves, but I thought others might like to see the interaction.

Plus, let’s face it; I wanted at least one “real life” person to know about me. (Simplicity is different because she knew about me from the blog before we met in real life.) Of all the people I know in real life, he’s the only person I trust with this information. I wouldn’t even want T to read this blog, even though he knows about my desires, because of all the other things he’d find out. My friend knows about everything else already (I think) just not the bi side and it felt easier to just point him at the blog than to come out and tell him.

I did warn him first, though. Nothing specific, I just told him that once he was done with that article, he might be tempted to read some of the others. I told him I was fine with that, but once he read them he wouldn’t be able to unread them. He commented on the article, so I know he read that one at least. And because I access my own site primarily through my phone, I didn’t think to warn him of the dick picture I have on the site. Oops.

Even if he hasn’t read the other articles, the name of my blog (CuriourRob) and the tag-line (“A (slightly less) sexually curious straight man”) along with all my warnings should be enough to give him a pretty good idea of the one thing he didn’t know about. I trust him that he wouldn’t tell anyone else, including his wife, about whatever he would learn here, but it’s still a little scary to think he now knows.

So far he’s commented on the article and I replied to his comments. I sent him a text this morning saying nobody else had jumped in, but the article as a whole has gotten decent views. He said he was working on a reply to my reply, but life got in the way. I asked him if he had any comments on the blog in general, but he never answered.

I don’t really care (beyond my normal desire for praise) what he thinks of the blog. I just want to know what he thinks about my being (kind of) bi. I guess I just want his assurance that he can understand and accept that about me and it not have an adverse impact on our friendship. I know he’s not homophobic, but I am worried that it has at least made him uncomfortable since he didn’t reply to my question.

Weekend Update

I'm writing my weekend update early because I don't anticipate much of anything exciting happening today. Not that a lot of exciting things happened Friday or yesterday either, of course.

The wife and I went to the gym Friday for a quick workout, but I ruined whatever benefits I got from 30 minutes worth of cardio (Treadmill) by getting a deli sub from a sandwich shop we have here. It's called a 6" sub, but it's closer to 8" long (imagine that, a guy lying about the length in the other direction!) and it's packed with meat (there's a joke here somewhere, but I'll let you figure it out for yourself.) In fact, there have been times when the wife and I order one 6" sub and split it. A lot of times we remove half of the meat and use it for another sandwich the next day.

But Friday night I ate it all. Fuck it, right? We're still going to the gym most days, and I really do want to lose weight and get in better shape, but sometimes I just don't give a shit and I want to eat all the things! I did try to be a little more responsible with my eating on Saturday, though.

Speaking of Saturday, while looking at some porn before the wife woke up, I decided it was finally time to get a cock ring. I've thought about it for years but never pulled the trigger, but when the wife got up and we were planning our day, I told her I wanted to go by a sex shop in our area and get one. She agreed, and that was where we went after we visited my parents (which will be part of my rant later.)

I was surprised at how complicated (and expensive!) some of the cock rings were; cages and gauges and what not, some as high as $80. I was just looking for a simple something that would tighten around either just the base of my shaft or around the shaft and balls, depending on my mood. I also wanted something that could be released, like a strap, instead of a solid ring; I've heard horror stories of guys having one on that's too tight and their erection not subsiding because the blood flow out is blocked. I didn't want any embarrassing, hard to explain trips to the emergency room! And I didn't want to spend more than $20 because I'm a cheap bastard, and I have no idea if I'm going to like it or not.

I wound up settling on this one, which was $12 at the shop. I'm really pissed now because my google search for the right picture turned up this one, which was at the Walgreens website. They sell them for $4! Dammit!

While we were there, the wife also picked out a new toy (I can't find a picture of hers, but maybe I'll put one up later.) She wanted something that would curve down so that the angle going into her would be comfortable and it would be out of the way of her using her other vibrator. Despite my keeping my nails trimmed and as smooth as possible, she's really sensitive inside her vagina and doesn't like being fingered.

Later that afternoon, when the niece was gone, we got to try them out. I really wanted my first time with it to be around my shaft and balls, but it was difficult getting the loop big enough. That's not me bragging about my size; my balls are about average size I guess, but tend to want to draw up quite a bit when I'm erect. So it took a while to get a good grip on them and get them through the loop with my dick, and there were a few times I made myself wince (guys, I'm sure you can imagine why.)

I liked the feeling and how veiny it made my dick. I might not have had it on tight enough because although I did get pretty hard, I did start to lose my erection at one point while we were playing with the wife's toy and I wasn't getting any direct attention. Maybe that's normal; I don't have a lot of cock ring experience.

After she came, I quickly got hard again with a little stroking and fucked her until I came. It was a really different feeling, a good one, coming with that tightened around my cock and balls and I shot with a good bit of force. It was a little easier getting everything out after, but still a bit of a problem because it was hard (ha!) to widen the loop enough. I finally got freed from it, and felt a little achy in the balls. Again, that might be normal. Plus, the silicon left a red mark all around that was a little tender.

Next time I think I'll get a strap that can be more easily wrapped around and buckled, then released afterwards. Something like this.

I wonder if Walgreens will carry it?

I'll post more about the weekend later; for now I have to get the wife up and start our usual Sunday.

I'm Not a Poly-Sci Major.

I had my annual performance review yesterday, and all in all it turned out pretty good. I met most of my goals for the year, and the one goal I didn’t meet was mostly due to other people not getting with me despite my efforts. I made a point to take on more responsibilities during the year that were outside the scope of my actual job description, and that was recognized.

My review plays a part, albeit a small one, in determining if I get a bonus, and how much of one I will get. Theoretically, I can get anywhere from 0 – 10% of my base salary; realistically it’s going to be much closer to the 0% than 10%, or even 5%.

My company has two different incentive plans, one for grades 11 and up, and a different one for grades 10 and under. Since my position is a grade 6, I fall under the second plan. I don’t know exactly what metrics are used for each plan, but the higher grades always tend to get a bonus based on overall profits as well as goals set for them individually. The lower tier’s bonuses are based first on earnings per share for the company, then on our own performance.

So no matter how well I do my job, if the company doesn’t meet a vaguely identified mark for EPS (seriously, we’re not even given a number until the end of the year) I won’t make a bonus. I am directly involved in setting my own goals (with my supervisor), but have no input (nor do any of us) in the EPS goal; that is set by people much higher up. People who are in the other incentive plan, in fact.

Where my bonus depends on EPS, the other tier’s depends on profits earned by the company as a whole (or, perhaps, profits earned by their specific divisions.) Our CEO crowed, and rightly so, about record profits for the year, based on the strength of our third and fourth quarters. Except for some areas that underperformed, my company as a whole kicked some serious ass last year. So profits were up, and significantly so, for the year. Unfortunately, EPS was down.

Oh, no wait, shareholders wouldn’t put up with that at all. EPS was NOT down last year; EPS was up to the tune of around $.60 per share. When this was reported in January, it was made clear that, though good, it did not quite meet the goal set at the beginning of the year. We weren’t told at the beginning of last year what the EPS goal was, but we’re assured now, when it’s being reported, that the goal was more like $.70/share. Man; we missed it by THIS much! (Imagine Maxwell Smart holding up two fingers millimeters apart.)

Based on publicly available records, our CEO made almost $2 million dollars in bonus in 2012, just under a third of his total compensation for the year, and the other executives’ bonuses were in the high six to low seven figure range. All of them received raises of their base salaries in the 20% to 40% range in 2012.

My full-time employment started in 2013, so I had no expectations of a raise or a bonus, of course. But I know my coworkers here who fall in my tier were disappointed by not only the lack of bonuses, but apparently raises were either minimal or non-existent. I’m not sure how those in grades 11 and up fared for raises, but I know my coworkers here who fall into that tier, managers and most of the engineers, received something in the way of bonuses. I wasn’t being nosy; some of them excitedly talked about the bonuses they got (not the amounts, just the fact that they got them.)

So in a year when my tier was told “sorry, goals weren’t met so there’s no money for raises or bonuses for you”, the other tier (especially those really high up on the ladder) seemed to make out pretty good. All indications are that 2013, though a much better year profit-wise than 2012, will wind up being much the same; great profits but so-so EPS means tier 1 should do just fine while tier 2 will just have to suck it up another year and hope for better outcome next year.

Now I like my job, and get fairly compensated for the work I do. And I don’t begrudge anybody the wages or bonuses they earn, but something is definitely wrong with this scenario. I’m not going to walk out in protest over the situation, but there is a big problem and it’s pretty blatant. I’m not saying I think the government should step in and tell any CEO how much they can be compensated and how much their workers should get paid, but “free market” and capitalism simply don’t address these inequalities.

In a perfect world, no executive officer in a company, big or small, would feel right about rewarding themselves based on one set of criteria while telling the “lesser” employees that there’s not enough to go around based on another set of criteria. Of course we all know this is not a perfect world, and there are far too many people absolutely willing to do just that. I don’t know what the right answer is, but our current system isn’t working for the average Joe. Does it hurt me? Yes, a little, but the wife and I both are working and we don’t have kids, so we’ll get by just fine.

But there are a lot of people who bust their backs for big companies like mine, year-after-year, and whose wages have remained mostly stagnant. I’m not talking about lazy malcontents who don’t apply themselves; these are people who are good at their jobs, and collectively are as important to a company’s success as anyone else. Yes, their positions are perhaps easier to fill, but that doesn’t mean they should get overlooked when it comes to fair wage increases and, yes, bonus pay-outs.

It’s easy to say “if they don’t like it, they should quit and work for someone else” but that’s bullshit; In America we’ve let things progress to the point that most medium-sized companies and up practice the same type of unequal policies. Besides which, the drive to keep shareholders happy (and profits up high enough to justify the upper tier’s raises/bonuses) has led to lay-offs, downsizing, “rightsizing”, etc., which means jobs are scarce. And those lucky enough to keep their jobs wind up overworked, still underpaid, and stuck right where they are. They know it, and employers know it, and in America employers have carte blanche to practice whatever pay inequalities they wish.

And you know what the really crazy thing is? It’s not surprising that people who benefit the most from the status quo work towards, or won’t work against, maintaining it. The crazy thing is the number of people who are negatively affected by it who support the status quo! Their reasoning is “well, I want to be rich like that and benefit the same way.”

Heck, I guess most of us would like to be rich like that; if not CEO rich then at least well paid enough to see stock options, bonuses, etc. But I just don’t know what to think of people who support a system that rewards some workers at the direct expense of the group of workers they belong to. I can’t understand the mindset that says “It’s okay for me to experience this inequality now, because I too aspire to be in a position to get more and more by taking it directly from the pockets of others like me.” It’s the same attitude I saw in the Army; NCOs who treated their troops like shit because it was how they were treated before they became NCOs. It didn’t make sense to me in that context, and it certainly doesn’t now in this one.

But if I’m against executives getting more and more at the expense of the “average Joe” worker, how can I justify taking away from the executives to give to the workers? It’s the same thing in reverse, right? Isn’t it hypocritical to be against one but for the other?

The best way I can explain it is this: if someone receives enough food every week to feed their family for a month, I don’t feel bad asking them to sacrifice half of that in order to help five or six families that are struggling to eat three days a week. Those who do so voluntarily are to be commended, and applauded. Unfortunately, there are far too many who don’t.

I don’t much like labels, especially politically driven ones, but if this makes me a Socialist, then so be it.

Weekend Update

Happy Monday, everyone.  My weekend officially started Thursday, thanks to Mother Nature and about 22" of snow. In fact, it continues today thanks to President's Day and an employer that considers it a holiday for American workers. So what I'm saying is this update will be kind of long. Maybe; we'll see.

Where to start... Oh, L is going through another pregnancy scare. Two weekends ago when she tried to have sex with M, she meant to ask him if he was fixed but "got distracted and forgot." Though he never got hard, never really penetrated her, and never finished, she's feeling nauseous after eating and she says her nipples are sore. Her breasts aren't sore like they were last year when she really was pregnant, but she's got it in her head that she might be.

Technically, yes there is the possibility that a woman can get pregnant from just pre-cum, and honestly that would be L's luck, but I just have a hard time believing it happened. But if it did somehow, this is one she definitely can't tell B about. She chatted with M Saturday when B was at work, asking if he was fixed (he's not) and if he had finished (he didn't). I asked her if she would get M to pay for the abortion if she is pregnant and she said no, because he wouldn't want her to get one (based on the conversation they'd had previously when she told him about last year.) Normally I'd tell her to make him pay anyway, but he knows B and she's afraid he would tell B about it to keep her from getting one.

She asked if she had to get the abortion if I would go with her (because again, B can't know) and I said of course I would. Because, you know, of course I will.

The wife and I have talked more, and I clarified that it isn't just the sex that we need to work on. We agreed that we need to spend more time "together" at home; not just buried in our computers in our own world all the time. And we have started doing that; Saturday and Sunday both we took some time to watch a movie or some shows together, leaving the computers off. And it was nice, and I think it's a good start. Next up: a conversation about baseball.

We did have sex, and I can tell she's really trying to be different. She didn't put a time limit on my going down on her, and even initiated it a couple of times by climbing up and sitting on my face. I don't know if she yet feels it the way I want her to, but she did get pretty wet. And who knows, if she puts the effort in, even if for now it's to please me, maybe she'll learn to look forward to it. And I did read sometime back that sex kind of builds on itself; the more you have it, the more orgasms you have, the more you want it.

Huh. I just realized that I summed up the major events from this weekend pretty succinctly. I guess this update wasn't so long after all. So, uh... that was my weekend. How was yours?

Flash Fiction Friday - Read My Lips - 2/14

Word Limit: 100
Word Bonus: +100 for every time you've had your heart broken.
Required Word: Truth
Forbidden Word: Love
Extra Credit: Tell us your Valentine's Day plans!

Olivia felt another orgasm build, the delicious release almost painful. She looked down at the man licking her as he thrust the dildo in her. “Oh, Dillon,” she moaned. “I can’t do this anymore! Stop, please!”

He lifted his head and grinned at her, her juices glistening on his chin and mouth. “Too much, baby?”

She looked at him, eyes half-closed in exhaustion. “I’ve never cum so much in my life,” she sighed. The dildo was still in her, and it felt good; his cock would feel better, she thought. “Please, Dill, fuck me now!”

He crawled up her body, kissing her stomach, breasts, neck, and finally her mouth. She tasted herself on his face and liked it.

“Say it again, Livy!”

“I need you to fuck me now, Dillon! Please!”

She wrapped her legs around him and drew him towards her. The feel of his cock head nudging into her caused her to shiver, and when he buried himself deep in her she exploded with yet another orgasm. “Oh, fuck!” she shrieked, gripping his ass in her hands.

He lay atop her, thrusting slowly and rhythmically, enjoying her responsiveness under him. He reached back and found the dildo, and maneuvered it under her and between them. He nudged the narrow tip against her puckered butthole, and her eyes widened in surprise and a little fear.

“Trust me,” he whispered. She took a breath and nodded, trying to relax. He gently worked the dildo back and forth, countering with the movements of his cock. As he slid in, he’d pull the dildo back; as he pulled out, he’d nudge the dildo back in, a little deeper each time. She was so wet that her own juices provided all the lubrication that was needed.

It hurt, a little, but Olivia also liked the alternating fullness that his cock and the dildo provided. Soon she was thrusting against the dildo, encouraging Dillon to penetrate her further with it. He eased his dick out as he pushed the dildo forward, until all 5 inches were in her. He gave her a moment to get used to the sensation, and when she was ready he thrust forward again so that both holes were filled.

“Oh, god! That’s so good, Dillon!”

“One day soon that will be my cock in your ass!”

“Oh, yes!” she moaned, coming again. Her cries sent him over the edge, and he filled her pussy with his cum.

“Did you really like that?” he asked her later as they cuddled together.

“Yes, and that's the truth,” she answered. “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to walk right, or even sit for the next week though.”

He chuckled. “You’ll be fine, baby. Maybe a little sore for another hour, but that really isn’t much bigger than my finger.”

“Maybe I should stick it up your butthole and see how you like it,” she responded, giggling.

Dillon smiled and his cock stirred. “If you really want to,” he said.

Deciding how many extra words I got for this week’s FFF was hard! On the one hand, if I counted every “broken heart” that I was sure had left me devastated beyond recovery I could probably have written a novella. On the other hand, if I’d counted every “broken heart” that actually did leave me devastated beyond all repair, I’d have been stuck with the 100 original words. So I picked the top three heart breaks; Becky, Miranda, and… well, trust me, there’s a third.

The wife and I usually don’t do a lot on Valentine’s Day; sometimes we go out for a quick bite, and sometimes we just kind of ignore it. This is the first year that I’ve given her a “real” gift (see Monday’s Weekend Update) in a long time, so to continue the specialness of this year (I guess) we’re also going to Red Lobster tonight for dinner. Yes, I know it’s not the best seafood, but it’s the best we’re going to get in our neck of the woods this time of year. If the niece cooperates and leaves for the night (or, dare I hope, the whole weekend) then maybe we can have some wild, loud, monkey sex.

Now get on over to Three Spelling Mistakes and read the other wonderful entries!

Born to be Wild!

It’s been an interesting (though boring) past week at work. Last Friday, my boss walked by my desk while I was in the middle of texting, or maybe just catching up on Facebook or something. Whatever I was doing, I honestly shouldn’t have been doing it during work hours. But I do it a lot, and he’s apparently noticed, because he fussed at me about it. It really wasn’t a big deal; he just pointed at my phone while frowning and said “I’m going to take that away from you some day.”

I’ve tried to be more discreet with my usage since this past summer when pretty much the exact same thing happened. I keep a notebook in hand to cover the phone with if someone walks by; and since I’m at the front desk for our building, everybody walks by. But I don’t pay as close attention as I should and sometimes I’m a bit late. But this time I blatantly had it in my hand when he saw me, and was clearly not just checking the weather or time, so he gently let me know it’s been noticed.

Monday morning I let my two biggest texting buddies, L and Simplicity, know that I have to cool it. L is typically busy throughout the day too, so we don’t text a lot unless she has big drama to relate (which means, okay, we text quite a bit.) Simplicity and I have a lot of fun texting, though; the past two days have really drug by while I go through withdrawal. I can chat briefly in the mornings, then again at lunch, and that’s about it except for the odd bathroom break.

Ironically, I can write posts all I want because I do that in word. If someone walks by it just looks like I’m working on something, and if they get close enough that they might read it, I bring a “real” document to the front. Then I copy and email the post to my phone and use bloggeroid to publish to this blog when I have time to do it safely.

And yes, admittedly, I’m getting a little more work done because I can’t kill the time as easily as before. Between not texting and not reading Reddit and Crackd.com I have to do something to pass the time, and I guess it might as well be the work I’m supposed to be doing. *Sigh.* Life is so hard sometimes!

As of yesterday I’m apparently in another spot of trouble. I logged in to my computer Monday morning, entering my username and password at the security encryption screen as I always do, and went about my morning routine. It can take anywhere from five to ten minutes for my computer to finish booting up, and being the impatient person that I am I can’t stand to sit at my desk waiting for it. I’m not on the clock at that point, but I do try to use the time productively by either restocking the printers (highly paid engineers or not, they still haven’t managed to figure out how to put paper in the empty trays), checking the facility for overall cleanliness, or just taking a dump.

When I get back to my computer, it’s usually sorted out and ready to go. However on Monday, there was a new, additional security screen reminding me that the computer is for company business only and should not be used for any illegal activity. I had no idea at what point in the boot-up process this happened, but when I clicked “Okay” it took another four minutes or so before the computer was ready to use. I wasn’t annoyed enough to go onto the company’s message board site and post a complaint about it, but someone else was and I simply replied to his post saying that I agreed that it was annoying and seemingly unnecessary. I ended my post with a “hint” to the Security team that such a message will not deter anybody who has nefarious purposes in mind (yes, I wrote “nefarious”), and only serves to annoy and delay those people who just want to get to work.

Yesterday a meeting invitation came into my Inbox from no less than the Director of IT Security & Compliance (Thin-Skinned Division). He would like to take the opportunity to explain to me, my boss, and my boss' boss the new security screen and why it was added. Additionally, he wants to talk about the message itself, and I don’t think it’s to congratulate me on my writing skills. I wonder if he’ll want to discuss the reasoning behind him not making a general announcement of the change ahead of time and why it was done so that everyone would be aware of it. It just seems that would be more efficient than telling just three of us, after the fact, but that’s probably why I’m not a director of anything.

Neither my boss nor his boss (both of them are great guys, by the way) has said anything to me about it. Perhaps they haven’t seen the invitation yet; they’re both pretty busy. I haven’t accepted or declined the invitation myself, but I’m tempted to decline it with a note to Wayne that 1) I apologize for the admittedly combative tone of my message (I could have used more tact, truthfully) and 2) suggest that it may be more helpful to explain the reason for the extra security screen to everyone instead of just us three. I have a feeling that could just cause me more trouble, though.

I’ll probably get my wrist slapped and a warning to be less sarcastic in the future (or just stay off the message board altogether.) I would certainly hope that it wouldn’t go beyond that, but I guess it depends on how much weight Wayne has to throw around and how badly his panties got bunched up.

On the plus side, I have something new to worry, and write, about that doesn’t involve L or the wife. (But don’t get your hopes up; I’m sure something will come up soon.)

Weekend Update

Happy Monday, everyb… ugh, I can’t do it. I’m still fighting off this cold, and I’m just not up to being that cheery. Sorry. I do hope you’re feeling better than I am, though.

Nothing much happened this weekend; the niece was sick too, so she stuck around most of the time. Even when she was gone, this cold has me feeling pretty cruddy so I wasn’t much up for sex. The wife and I did touch and hold each other more and we talked some more, just about us in general, and I think that’s helping.

I keep going bouncing between optimism and pessimism about how much will really change, though. The fact is, for whatever reason, the wife is sexually repressed (at least compared to me.) There was a time when our love-making was more vibrant and intimate, and she seemingly enjoyed it. But that feels so long ago that I can’t really say that she truly felt it even then (but I suspect she did.) I know my own moodiness and withdrawal, especially in the past three years or so, has been a factor, but it’s the chicken and egg thing; did my withdrawal cause her withdrawal, or did hers cause mine?

It could prove that the actual root cause will be important, but for now I think we need to focus on the now and not the past. We both need to be more engaged in our relationship and put other things on the back burner. For instance, she’s going to have to be willing to set aside the computer games now and then. It doesn’t mean she can’t play them at all, but I’d like to see them take less precedence for her on a day-to-day basis. The same with baseball; I want her to enjoy the games, but “we” need to be more important than “we” have been the past few years.

And for my part, I need to stop making L such a central focus of my life. That’s not easy for me to do, and I feel some anxiety when I think of it and the implications, but it’s just got to be that way. Of course I’m still her brother, and her friend, and I want to be there for her when she needs me. But I can’t keep obsessing about her, either in regards to what we used to be and how to get that back or what she might be doing with others. That doesn’t mean I won’t be writing about her, of course, and updating on her adventures. But I have to relegate myself to more of a bystander role.

That won’t be an overnight change either, of course. I caught myself a number of times this weekend falling into the same mental vortex, getting sucked into wondering and worrying about L. I’d start getting myself worked up over the past, thinking about things she’d said and done. And when I would realize that I was doing that, I would make an effort to wrench my attention away from her and towards the wife. I would force myself to start a conversation with her about something, anything, and actually concentrate on what she was saying instead of drifting off into my own thoughts. It helped, and I’m hoping that over time it will become easier and easier to do that.

We did get out of the house yesterday and go to the mall to shop for a new necklace for the wife. I gave her a heart medallion and chain almost 25 years ago, and she’s only had it off once since then for repairs. The heart is engraved, with Ich Liebe Dich on one side and our names on the other. Lately the grommet (or whatever it’s called) has worn down to the point where she’s worried it could break and she’d lose the pendant, and has been wanting a replacement. She was ready to buy something cheap from Groupon, but I wanted to do something more; it’s almost Valentine’s Day, and she deserves it.

The one we found is nothing special, really; it’s pretty enough (and if I I’m able to get an image here you’ll see for yourself) but not overly expensive. But we spent the time going to a few different stores and she picked it out as the one she likes best. It will take time for it to have the meaning her old one does, but that’s okay; we’ve got nothing but time.

That was my weekend; how was yours?

Joke of the Week

One day an old man was sitting on his porch and sees a young boy walking by holding a spool of chicken wire. The old man calls out to the boy and asks, "What do you have there boy?"

The boy says, "I got me some chicken wire, I'm going to catch me some chickens!"

"I don't think it works that way, son." said the old man and the boy continued on.

Sure enough a few hours later the boy walks by with a bunch of chickens attached to the chicken wire. The old man finds this quite baffling, but lets the boy continue on.

The next day the old man sees the boy walking by again carrying a roll of duct tape. "What do you have there boy?" asked the old man.

"I got me some duct tape, I am going to go catch me some ducks." Replied the boy.

"I don't think it works that way." said the old man.

The boy continued on and sure enough he walks by a few hours later with a bunch of ducks attached to his roll of duct tape and once again the old man is baffled by this.

The next day the boy walks by again with a long rod and fuzzy thing at the end. "What do you have there boy?" asked the old man.

"I got me a pussy willow." replied the boy.

The old man studied the boy a moment then said "Wait right there, let me go get my hat."

So, We Had a Talk

I finally talked to the wife last night. In some ways it went better than expected, but in other ways not as well as I’d hoped. I wound up needing some liquid courage in order to get started, but I wasn’t drunk by any means. I could see her getting defensive, and maybe a little panicky, when I first started talking, but she relaxed and we were able to get through it.

The long and short of it is, she understands my concerns about the lack of intimacy and is willing to work on it together. I really emphasized that I appreciate her willingness to try, but didn’t want it to be about her tolerating things; I honestly want her to be able to enjoy what we do. She voiced some of her concerns and we talked about those and what I can do to help (cutting back on the alcohol, which I’m already doing, will be a big part of it.)

I mentioned counseling and she shot that down right out of the gate, saying that now that we’re talking about it we can handle it on our own. I didn’t push, and agreed that we might be able to work it all out on our own, but to not completely dismiss counseling. I said if we do find it too difficult to handle on our own, counseling can mean the difference between having a breakthrough and continuing on in frustration. That part is still up in the air, but if we aren’t able to make progress in a reasonable amount of time I will bring it back up. And I still may look into counseling for myself to help me deal with my anxiety issues.

I really tried to talk about this in a way that didn’t focus solely on oral sex, but I’m afraid that’s mostly what happened. It was the clearest example I could bring up to illustrate the problem with sex; that we didn’t take our time to enjoy it. She said that she’s shy and embarrassed about that part, even after so long our being together. I asked her if she liked sucking my dick*, and when she said she did I asked why. She agreed that the act itself is fun (she likes taking me in her mouth when I’m still soft and feeling it grow in her mouth), but mostly it’s because she knows how good it makes me feel. I explained that it’s exactly the same for me; I like the act of eating pussy* but mostly I enjoy bringing her pleasure, and that there is nothing she should feel embarrassed or shy about with me.

She also said she doesn’t feel clean enough “down there” unless she’s freshly showered. I pointed out that even after a shower she generally makes me stop after just a short time, which is frustrating because I’d like to really have time for it to start feeling good. I also said that even if she’s not freshly showered, I like the smell. I told her that if it’s ever too bad, I’ll let her know just like she does if I’m a little too funky in my “area.” She agreed that would be okay.

I think I’ve said before that I don’t expect everything to be fixed immediately; there are no magic wands for things like this. But I’m encouraged by her willingness to listen and agreement to work together on these things. Of course my timing couldn’t have been worse; she’s fighting off a cold, started her period on Saturday, and had pretty extensive dental work done early yesterday morning. It’s not like we could go from that talk to the bedroom and test drive everything we’d discussed.

And really, maybe that’s for the best. We’ll have time to talk some more between now and when she’s feeling better, and maybe come up with some specific ideas on what we can do for each other. Because of her cold and my sinuses, I slept in the other room for the third night in a row; we both would have preferred to sleep together, but I’m trying to avoid catching her cold, and her coughing and sneezing would be as bad as my snoring and neither of us would get any rest. I did feel more at ease when I went to bed than I have in a while, even in regards to L and her drama. I don’t know if that will last, and don’t expect any miracles in that regard, but it’s a good start. We’ll have to see how things progress from here.

She never directly ask if I’d cheated on her; if she had I would have outright lied and said “no” because I don’t see where telling her that I had would do any good. She did say something about “so long as you don’t go somewhere else to get it” (meaning intimacy), and I just said that’s not what I want. Right now, I sincerely feel that way.

But between you and me, I can’t honestly say that I won’t want to stray again down the road. Even if we make significant progress and things get better, I don’t know if I am the type of person who can maintain a monogamous relationship. And I know that the urge to suck a guy off will come back some time, and if the opportunity presents itself I almost certainly would do that. (For the record, I feel like that aspect is different than fooling around with other women though.)

But at least for the time being, to give us a real shot I am going to be good. I’m going to try to be good, anyway. Actually, I’m meeting T for dinner next Tuesday (if that doesn’t get pushed back for some reason) but I doubt anything naughty will happen. I might show him my dick, if he asks. And if he shows me his, I might touch it. But probably nothing more, if that. We'll see.

*Once the initial shock for her was over and we started talking, I spoke crudely because I like that. She does too, and it’s just how we’re used to talking to each other, even when we’re being serious.

Weekend Update.

Happy Monday, everyone. If you watched yesterday’s Super Bowl, I bet you didn’t watch for long (unless you’re a Seahawks fan.) Even the commercials weren't worth watching.

This was a tough weekend over all, but only because I made it that way. I never did get around to talking to the wife about the counseling; I still plan to, but the timing just wasn’t right. The niece was gone Friday and Saturday, so it would have been a good time in that regard. And Saturday morning we had sex, which also would have been a good lead-in; we had plenty of time, no reason to not really enjoy ourselves, but it was the same old thing with her just seemingly wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible. Maybe I should have said something a little later, after we were done, but I just didn’t want the rest of the weekend to be awkward.

I’d finally decided that I would tell her Sunday morning, but that plan got messed up too. Saturday afternoon, L texted that she was thinking about coming in and spending the night with us since B was working if that was okay. I said of course it was, but then she started waffling that she might not be able to because she’d have to ask B and he always gives her shit about coming up here (because of his suspicions.) I told her that she was welcome if she did come.

Just before 5:00 she said that she was coming in, but that she was going to meet M (the guy from a few weeks ago) to help him with something. She immediately followed that with another text saying not to read into it, she just needed some outside friendship and companionship, and that was all. She said she’d be there close to 9.

I tried to take her at face value, and not let my imagination run wild, but then she sent another text just before 8 and said it would be later because they were still at the restaurant (he bought her dinner at Applebee’s), and he lived in the next county over. I asked how late it would be, and she said “M said late, like after 11.” It turned out to be almost midnight when she finally showed up.

I was mad at her, and disappointed, because it was clear that she was just using staying with us as a cover in case B got suspicious about what she was really doing, and also a place to stay so she wouldn’t have to be heading back to her area so late. I was tempted to tell her just to stay with M, because it was clear that “helping him do something” wasn’t the only thing on the agenda, but I didn’t. I knew it would sound to her like jealousy, but at that point it really wasn’t.

I told the wife a plausible excuse for why she was coming so late, and opined that as soon as L got there she’d probably say she was tired or had a headache and would want to go to bed immediately. However, when she got there we wound up staying up quite late talking. The wife hung in there until almost 1:00, but she’s fighting off a cold and had taken some Nyquil. Once she went to bed, L and I started really talking.

She apologized again for getting there so late, and I just bluntly asked if anything had happened. The final result after telling me everything was that they did everything but have full-on sex, because he couldn’t maintain an erection. She also said he had the smallest dick she’d ever seen on a full grown man and doesn’t know if it would have worked out anyway. They played around and he tried to enter her, but it just wouldn’t happen.

I asked if she at least got anything out of it, and she said no, that she still is so hung up on Scott and (even she admitted) the relationship they should have had, that she just couldn’t get into it. She said he was skilled at oral, and she was wet, but just never could let it go and be in the moment. She said she didn’t really want to have sex with him because she knew she didn’t feel “that way” about him, and even told him that. But he persisted and finally she said she did it because she felt bad for him. I asked her if she thought she would have sex with him again and she said she doesn’t want to, but probably would. We laughed, but I asked “Really?” and she said “Oh, I don’t know. Probably not unless I wind up in that same situation again.”

After we finished that topic, I asked if she’d heard anything more from TOG, and she said she had not. I asked if she had told him she was breaking it off, and she said she hadn’t; she’d just stopped texting him and wondered if he’d ever text her. She said he never initiated the texts except for once on her birthday, so she was just waiting to see if he ever would. I asked if he does text her what would she do and she said she’d try to ignore it because she knows if she gets into a conversation with him it would most likely start everything up again with him.

She acknowledged that she knows I’m right about him and that they don’t have any kind of relationship future. She told me that he said he’d had girlfriends in the past who he’d done things with, but that they would wind up always fighting. She told me she figured out that it was because the girls either really didn’t want to be doing that stuff, or they were mad that he was continuing to mess around with other girls and not just them exclusively. (Remember, I never sent her the letter I’d written, nor expressly mentioned all my warnings about what it would mean to be with him; she reached all of those conclusions mostly on her own.)

We talked about these and other things, and were mostly good while we did it. I only pulled my night shorts up far enough for her to see (and touch) my dick only two or three times, and she only pulled her shirt and bra up to let me play with her tits once, and not for very long at that. I did feel like a heel because she would say no, we can’t do that, the wife might wake up (unlikely; the Nyquil knocked her out), etc. But, just like M, I persisted and practically begged, and I guess she just gave in because she didn’t want me to feel bad. She did hold strong on doing anything more than just fondling me, but said it was nice to see and feel a good cock (after being with M) so she wasn’t terribly harmed by it I suppose.

Still, when we both finally went to bed at 2:00, I tossed and turned for an hour before falling asleep. I really did feel bad about it, and knew that I needed to cut that shit out. It wasn’t helping her, it just made me feel bad, and it isn’t fair to the wife. I need to get things back on track with her, and if I’m fooling around it just lessens my incentive to follow through. I finally jerked off (I was pretty worked up) and feel into a fitful sleep until around 6:00 before getting up and taking care of my Sunday morning chores.

L sent a text around 6:30 asking if I was up, and we went in the living room to talk some more. I apologized for how I’d acted, and she brushed it off and said I shouldn’t worry about it and that she wasn’t mad. The she laughingly pulled up her shirt and asked me to check for bite marks. Of course I couldn’t help but look, and I had to get close enough to really see. She pulled her shirt down and said that was enough, and I said I didn’t see any marks. Apparently M likes to bite, though not really hard, and I think that was mostly just an excuse for L to show me her tits. When I told her that, she laughingly said “Maybe, just like you like showing me your dick.” I agreed, and pulled down my shorts to flash her again, but put it away quick so we wouldn’t get caught. And yes, I did realize that I’d just spend the past few hours fretting about doing that, and here I was right back to doing it again. Of course this time she started it.

Anyway, L and I went out and picked up breakfast for us (and coffee for her and the wife) and woke the wife up when we got home. She and I continued to talk about her and B, her and TOG, and her and M, but nothing new came about from any of that. I did tell her (again) that there’s nothing wrong with having sex just to have sex, if that’s what she wanted. But if she really didn’t want to have sex with M, I said she needs to tell him, gently, that she just doesn’t think of him that way, wants to stay friends (which she does) but that there would be no more physical relationship. I suggested that she stop worrying so much about making someone else feel bad by simply saying “no”. I was kind of including myself in that as well. She said she knows, and that she would tell him that, but I guess we’ll see.

After she left to head back home, there wasn’t a good way to bring up counseling with the wife without the timing looking suspicious so I decided to let it wait another couple days. (Plus I was really letting everything get to me; picturing her with M and trying to figure out why it was bothering me so much.) It will be hard to find a time when the niece isn’t around, but I’m still resolved to see this through one way or another.

I’m also resolved to try to stop being this way with L; I have to find a way to stop obsessing about her and what I want, because it’s causing me too much anxiety. I want to be there for her, someone she can trust to talk to, and I can’t do that when all I want is for her to be with me. It’s a pipe dream that can never come true, no matter what happens, and I’ve just got to get it out of my mind.

It’s just so much harder to resist when we’re alone together, so maybe the trick is to not be alone together, or not where I can get away with that shit. I know I like being able to talk with her one on one, so maybe somewhere in public, where we can still have a private conversation but I won’t be tempted to try to get her to show me her tits or look at my cock. I’m not going to offer to send her pictures, or ask her for any even if she tells me she sent some to someone else. If she offers to send them to me, I’ll try to refuse; I don’t know if I’ll succeed, but it’s at least the way I feel about it now.

I got to sleep early last night, and slept well, and I feel much better this morning. My mind isn’t frantically racing with all the thoughts that it was yesterday, so I’ll chalk up at least part of the panicky feeling I was having to just sheer exhaustion.

So that was my crappy (but in the end, okay) weekend. How was yours?