Joke of the Week

Before the joke, I just wanted to give a quick update on the kittens: all five survived and are eating and playing and being kittens! And while that’s wonderful news (and much better than I was led to believe it would be earlier this week) it was also strongly hinted that, since they will need homes soon, I should adopt one of them. Uh… no! Still not a cat person, here.

Besides, while the boy dog may grudgingly look the other way and pretend a cat doesn’t exist, the girl dog would think it’s a new chew toy. Chew toys don’t have a good track record when it comes to things like surviving a day with the girl dog. “It used to squeak but it don’t squeak no more! Where’s the squeak?”

Now, on to the joke (it’s been around awhile, but still funny):

St. Peter is doing his daily duties at the Pearly Gates when the need for a bathroom break comes on. He looks around and sees Jesus walking by, and asks him if he can fill in for him.

“I’ll be glad to, Pete!” Jesus says. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Oh, it’s dead simple,” Peter explains. “When someone comes up to the gates, ask them about their background and what was important to them in life. Then based on the response, you decide if that person deserves to come into Heaven or not.”

“That sounds easy enough.”

Peter hurries off to find the facilities and Jesus eagerly awaits his first customer. Soon enough, an old man appears and greets Jesus. Jesus starts questioning the man about his life on Earth.

“I was a carpenter for most of my life,” the man says. “I didn’t have much except for my son.”

 “A son, you say? Tell me about your relationship with him.”

“Well, he wasn’t technically my son, but I loved him and raised him as my own. And truthfully, he wasn’t entirely human.”

This piqued Jesus’ attention; it was starting to sound strangely familiar. “How do you mean he wasn’t entirely human?”

“There is some question about how he came into the world and what his purpose was. I think he was supposed to learn what it means to be a man, and to bring love and understanding.”

Now Jesus was almost certain who the old man was, but needed one last piece of confirmation. “Tell me, did your son have any distinguishing features?”

“Oh, certainly,” the man replied. “He had holes in his hands and feet.”

With a tears streaming down his eyes, Jesus hoarsely whispered “Father?”

The old man started crying too, and whispered “Pinochio?”