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Friday, January 24, 2014

So Much for That

This is why it’s so hard to be L’s sounding board on her sexual relationships. She tells me now TOG wants her to fuck him and his friend, and maybe bring the friend’s wife into it. Apparently TOG and his friend (and his wife) do this on a regular basis. L asked TOG why he doesn’t do these things with his girlfriend, and he said she is in no way interested in that. “So why be with her?” “Because we get along well together.”

L wants a relationship with TOG, and doesn’t want to just be his plaything. But she won’t push him to find out what his ideas about the two of them together are because they’re planning to get together mid-February and she doesn’t want to be let down before then. She wants to keep this fantasy alive that he’s going to be hers, and she’s going to be his, at least until she gets a good fucking out of it.

And apparently that extends to at least playing along with the idea of fucking him and his friend. She told him she wants him alone first, then they can talk about it. She asked him what his friend’s dick looks like, and has set parameters like “you can do this but not that.” Maybe it’s all talk, and she wouldn’t really go through with it (she told him it would have to be an overnight stay, because she’d have to be really drunk to do it) but if she’s desperate enough for his attention, and to try to hook him, she just might. Plus, as she’s said, she’s had these fantasies before so why not try it?

And really, what’s wrong with that? For anybody else I’d say “go for it if that’s what you want.” Why does it bother me to think of L doing that? Because she wouldn’t do it for me? I guess that is a part of it; the jealousy and envy, that she wants him enough to do things I really don’t think she’d otherwise do.

But honestly, a lot of it is my wanting to protect her. If she and TOG were an actual couple, and he wanted to introduce this into their relationship, and she was curious enough to try it and later decided she liked it enough to continue, I guess I’d be okay with it. I wouldn’t necessarily need to know about it, but if it slipped or whatever I wouldn’t find it anything really bad. In fact, it would probably be hot for me to hear about it.

But I don’t see any reason to believe, from all the things that she’s told me about hers and TOG’s conversations, to think he wants her as an actual girlfriend. He’s already got one, and one that he “gets along well” with. She doesn’t like the more exotic side of sex like he does, so he’s looking for a willing partner. He’s looking for a known good piece of ass (and goddamn it, that’s exactly what he sees L as, nothing more!) to share with his buddy. And hey, if she’s down for it, and they can get her to do it however often they can, then all the better!

And if L is into that, if she didn’t mind just being the side-action that he uses to play with him and another cock, and maybe another woman, then I guess that would be okay too. It would be a different L than who I think she is, but that’s really none of my business, and there’s nothing wrong with her being that way if that’s what she really wants.

I want L to understand that he’s just looking for someone to use; she’s not going to be his girlfriend (in anything other than the sense of being just one of the girls he’s fucking) and she’s not going to have this beautiful relationship with him that she’s fantasizing about. I don’t blame him, he and I are probably very much alike in that regard (except he got a divorce and has been smart enough to not get married again since.) Maybe she already knows this, but is so desperate for attention, and a way to get away from B, that she’s denying it so she’ll have an excuse to fuck him. I don’t know.

But when L tells me about this, and I try to talk with her like a friend would, it’s driving me crazy. I’m sorry, I just can’t sit here and tell her “you’re right, if you fuck him and his friend, he’s bound to get rid of the girlfriend and make you his one and only love.” Because it’s not true. I couldn’t tell anybody that, much less L.

I held in there for a while, letting her express her concerns but also letting her talk about how she’s thinking about it, and how it would happen, and how it would be. But when she said she asked him if he was going to spring anything else on her, like “oh there’s this orgy going on that we could check out” and he said “oh, no, nothing like that” I couldn’t help but say that it wouldn’t really be all that much different than what they would already be doing. She said it would be more people, and random people, and that she didn’t think he’d be into that. And I said it sounds to me like he’s into a lot of things.

She said that I’m just trying to make her mad because my jealousy is coming through, which yea, that’s not completely off the mark. Instead of trying to explain all of the above, and how I just don’t want her to set herself up for this big ideal that will never happen, I just said “Sorry. I’m sure it’s all just like you say! *thumbs up*”

She hasn’t replied yet, but when she does I’m sure it won’t be pleasant.

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