A Loyal Reader™ sent me the following joke, and it was so funny that I had to share it.
<Blockquote>
An elderly man and a woman met in a retirement home. One night, over dinner in the cafeteria, the conversation turned towards reminiscing over "the good old days." Eventually, it wandered into fond remembrances of sex.
What do you miss most about sex?
How good it felt...
Why don't you meet me later at my room? I have idea...
A few hours later, they sat side by side on the bed. His cock was out of his drawers and she held it gently in her grasp.
How's that?
Oh, that's nice.
Eventually, they developed a ritual. Every night they would sit side by side and she would hold him in her hands. But one night, he didn't show. Hurt and confused, she confronted him the next day.
Where were you?
Well, I had a date with Esther last night...
What about us?
I know, but you see, Esther has Parkinson’s...
</blockquote>
Apologies to Michael J. Fox, who I’m sure has never held an old man’s cock in his hand.
It’s funny, but I kind of feel sorry for the first woman. The man should have asked her to do more than just hold his wiener if that’s what he wanted.
I just thought of two funny nun jokes from my childhood (which doesn’t say a lot about my upbringing, I guess.) The first:
<Blockquote>
Mother Superior gathered all the nuns around her and said “Sisters, it’s been discovered that a man was in the convent last night!” Twenty sisters said “Oh no!” and one sister said “Tee he he!”
“Further, a used condom was discovered in the trash!” Twenty sisters said “Oh no!” and one sister said “Tee he he!”
“And the condom had a hole in it!” Twenty sisters said “Tee he he!” and one sister said “Oh no!”
</Blockquote]
And the second:
<Blockquote>
The nuns were all gathered in whatever room the nuns would be likely to be gathered in, and Mother Superior was listening to their public confessions. (Yea, I don’t know how it works either, but as kids we really didn’t question such things. I’ll thank you to not question them either!)
Sister Rose said “Forgive me Mother, for I have sinned. I saw a man’s privates.”
Mother Superior said “Say 20 Hail Mary’s and wash your eyes in Holy Water.”
Sister Dorothy said “Forgive me Mother, for I have sinned. I touched a man’s privates.”
Mother Superior said “Say 35 Hail Mary’s and wash your hands in Holy Water.”
Sister Blanche stood up and said “Move over, girls; it looks like I’m going to have to gargle!”
</Blockquote>
I know they aren’t really that funny, but they tickled me when I was a kid. What are your favorite “dirty” jokes?
<Blockquote>
An elderly man and a woman met in a retirement home. One night, over dinner in the cafeteria, the conversation turned towards reminiscing over "the good old days." Eventually, it wandered into fond remembrances of sex.
What do you miss most about sex?
How good it felt...
Why don't you meet me later at my room? I have idea...
A few hours later, they sat side by side on the bed. His cock was out of his drawers and she held it gently in her grasp.
How's that?
Oh, that's nice.
Eventually, they developed a ritual. Every night they would sit side by side and she would hold him in her hands. But one night, he didn't show. Hurt and confused, she confronted him the next day.
Where were you?
Well, I had a date with Esther last night...
What about us?
I know, but you see, Esther has Parkinson’s...
</blockquote>
Apologies to Michael J. Fox, who I’m sure has never held an old man’s cock in his hand.
It’s funny, but I kind of feel sorry for the first woman. The man should have asked her to do more than just hold his wiener if that’s what he wanted.
I just thought of two funny nun jokes from my childhood (which doesn’t say a lot about my upbringing, I guess.) The first:
<Blockquote>
Mother Superior gathered all the nuns around her and said “Sisters, it’s been discovered that a man was in the convent last night!” Twenty sisters said “Oh no!” and one sister said “Tee he he!”
“Further, a used condom was discovered in the trash!” Twenty sisters said “Oh no!” and one sister said “Tee he he!”
“And the condom had a hole in it!” Twenty sisters said “Tee he he!” and one sister said “Oh no!”
</Blockquote]
And the second:
<Blockquote>
The nuns were all gathered in whatever room the nuns would be likely to be gathered in, and Mother Superior was listening to their public confessions. (Yea, I don’t know how it works either, but as kids we really didn’t question such things. I’ll thank you to not question them either!)
Sister Rose said “Forgive me Mother, for I have sinned. I saw a man’s privates.”
Mother Superior said “Say 20 Hail Mary’s and wash your eyes in Holy Water.”
Sister Dorothy said “Forgive me Mother, for I have sinned. I touched a man’s privates.”
Mother Superior said “Say 35 Hail Mary’s and wash your hands in Holy Water.”
Sister Blanche stood up and said “Move over, girls; it looks like I’m going to have to gargle!”
</Blockquote>
I know they aren’t really that funny, but they tickled me when I was a kid. What are your favorite “dirty” jokes?
Oldies but goodies!
ReplyDeleteThere were three buddies who got to the country club and discovered the fourth friend had a broken leg and could not join them for awhile. They picked up a guy from the pro shop to tee off with them. He was a pretty good player and could putt well, especially for a lefty, so they invited him back the next week. He showed up with different clubs and played right-handed! They invited him to join them regularly. Sometimes he played lefty and sometimes righty. He was a good 4th except that he was late now and then. They were puzzled as to how he decided which hand to use so one day they asked. He said, "If my wife is lying on her right side when I leave, I take my right-handed clubs. And if she's lying on her left side, I'm a lefty that day." "What if she's lying on her back?" "Oh. Then I'm late."
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