What the L - Part 7

I wrote this part three weeks ago, but forgot to post it! Oh, the joys of growing older.

I’m not sure what all to say about the weeks that followed, or how much detail to put in. It seemed important at the time, and still does to me, but it’s unlikely it would mean that much to any of you. Let’s see if I can breeze through it quickly, and if there’s something I missed I’ll try to come back to it.

L finally called that morning around 11, and she sounded rough! She and B had gone to Buffalo Wild Wings to eat dinner, talk, argue, and drink. And apparently they drank quite a lot! She didn’t remember much after they left, or didn’t want to talk about it.

I knew the whole thing was harrowing for the two of them, but I have to admit I was overwhelmed with relief. Her getting caught before anything had happened was the best outcome I could have asked for, and she couldn’t blame it on me. Now I would have her to myself again. Well, other than sharing her with B, but that was different, if you can understand that.

Originally L said she and I were still on (when I asked), but by the next week she said she needed to be good for B and wasn’t going to cheat anymore. She stayed the night with us the weekend following, and when we were alone for a bit (the wife ran out to do some errands) she asked about even though we aren’t “like that” anymore, could we still talk about it. I said yes, we probably shouldn’t do it in front of our spouses, but it was something that happened. She muttered “and may happen again,” which got me hopeful, but I didn’t want to push so let it go.

The next weekend was Thanksgiving, and though we didn’t see L and them much on Thursday (they were in town at her FiL’s, but she explained that it was to be family time. That kind of hurt, honestly) we did have plans to pick her and her girlfriend up early Friday morning for Black Friday shopping. The wife went with, but was going to have to go to work by 8.

I enjoyed, and took advantage of, any opportunity to be with L I could, even if we were “off” and other people were around. But shopping and traffic are two things that get me in a bad mood quickly, and L noticed. When the others’ attention was elsewhere, she quietly said “You look like you need a big ol’ kiss!” I laughed ruefully and said “I wish,” which got her giggling. She smiled and winked at me and quietly said “you never know what will happen.”

She and her family left later that day, and stopped to see her birth mother whom she’d recently gotten back in contact with after 15 years. There’d been a falling out between them, but they decided to put those differences behind them. The pictures B posted of the two of them hugging and laughing and crying were heartwarming, and it was a really big day for her.

That Saturday the wife and I drove down to stay the night and she told us all about the visit. She was so happy, and I was so happy for her. As usual, the drinks flowed and by that night we were all pretty well buzzing along. B insisted I go outside and have a cigar, and since he usually gets his way that’s what I did. He came with me, telling the girls some bullshit excuse for them to not come out.

His purpose, of course, was to talk about the TOG thing. He told me it hurt him that I knew about it (again, L told him it was just chatting, no intention of meeting or anything) and didn’t say anything. I told him I just wanted to stop her from making a mistake, and hoped it wouldn’t become something bigger. We went back and forth, with him finally asking me to let him know if there’s ever a time something like this is going on. I promised, but knew there was no way I’d ever betray L that way.

He went back inside and L came out to find out what we talked about. I told her what we’d said, and that I’d never betray her. She looked inside and saw that B and the wife were talking about something, paying us no mind, and stepped up to kiss me. I can’t describe how good that brief kiss felt, and what it meant to me. I wanted more but she said it was too dangerous, and of course she was right. I slept better that night than I had in several weeks.

The next morning L and I were awake (as usual) before anyone else, and we sat together while I showed her pictures of the older sisters and I when we were kids, including pictures of our father. We were snuggled up on the couch, really close, and though we weren’t doing anything other than touching side-to-side, my head was swimming. Though it’s possible that was as much due to the alcohol from the night before still being in my system.

We went shopping (we did that a lot) later, and then I rode with L and her daughter while L took her to a friend’s house over the mountain. It was a good 30 minute drive both ways and the wife stayed at the house to get a nap. After dropping off the daughter, I was hoping for a chance to park and neck a little, but L said we couldn’t because B would know how long it takes to get back. We talked, some, but mainly I was feeling frustrated.

During the following week L once again let me know that we were, once and for all, “off” again. I went through my normal anxiety, anger, depression, etc., but by this time I’d gotten the whole process down to like a day or two, tops. I finally got over the worst of the fear, that if we weren’t “on” I’d lose her interest even as family; she’d shown that she still loved me as her brother, no matter the other stuff. I was at peace with it, if not necessarily happy about it.

But with L, nothing is ever that simple.