This isn't the first time B has gotten physical with her; he left a bruise on her eye a few months ago and there have been other little things. I feel like I'm not doing my duty as a brother because I haven't beaten his ass over it, but there's always mitigating circumstances. Every time L has told me about one of these "B pushed me, kneed me, grabbed me, etc" episodes, a day or two later she'll admit that she had hit, kicked, or thrown something at him first, and the contact he made with her was reaction.
Like the time she tried to kick him in the balls, when he turned and raised his leg to block her, his knee hit her in the stomach. When L sent me the picture of the bruise, she just said that B had kneed her in the stomach. It wasn't until days later that she admitted, off-hand, what had really happened.
I was brought up that you don't hit a girl, ever, and a man who does isn't a man. But as I've said before, L can be vicious when she's mad, and I can't really blame B entirely for protecting himself from her attacks. She said last night that "this time" she didn't touch him, and that he was drunk and mad and this all started over... blah blah blah. Maybe, maybe not.
But it doesn't really matter what happened, this relationship has gotten too dangerous for the both of them. She needs to get out of there before something worse happens.
I just wish I didn't feel so god-damned impotent to help!
Damn. Yea, I'm with you on the being brought up not to hit women. And of course, our son was brought up the same way. Then he married a a nut case who was physically abusive to him. He never hit her back in response to her punches and kicks, and finally left the bitch. I only say this to point out that nowadays, we realize that abuse is not always one-way.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, I think it is safe to say it is time for that relationship to be over with. When people end up with bruises and bloody noses, no matter who is at fault, it is time to be done.
so here's my 2cents. if she is sending you the photos, she's asking for help, even if it seems like she's not or that the way she does it is very passive aggressive.
ReplyDeleteI agree, you never hit a woman.
Rob, either you or you and your wife, need to drive down, pack her up(probably just you, that's what she's asking for really) and bring her home. Once she's with you guys, contact a support group for abused women either for her(to go to) or to help you understand better the warning signs and how to help.
I understand it's all very messy with what's going on with L and everything, however, it needs to be done.
this is just my 2 cents.
good luck honey, you're going to need it.
xo
mg
James: exactly how I feel, and what I've told her. Unfortunately...
ReplyDeletemg: It's more complicated than that, though I suspect a part of it is true. But L ties my hands to really do anything for her by continuing to go back to him. It is a mess.