Do I Want to Play a Game?

L came by the house several weeks ago so I could setup a new email account on her phone and disable her old one. I didn’t ask (because I just don’t anymore) but I figured this was to keep the boyfriend from contacting her. Over the past two years she’s changed mobile numbers twice and has blocked him at least three for four times, but always winds up in contact with him again. Changing her email won’t keep him from talking to her, or her to him, but I didn’t bother saying anything; I just did what she asked.

In the process of setting up the new account, she forgot what password she used. Since it was a Gmail account, I logged out of mine then did the “forgot password” function on the login page, which started the process for her to enter a new password. She didn’t want me seeing it so I handed her my computer to let her type it in herself. Somehow, my Gmail accounts came up, and she saw the name of the one I use on this blog, curiousinroanoke AT gmail DOT com.

She didn’t see anything other than the account name, but that was enough for her to start accusing me of having some “whole secret life.” Well, yea I guess I do, but I’m not going to admit it to her! At first she assumed it was all about trying to hook up with women, which is also partially true (LF and I had been talking already by then), and when I tried changing the subject she said “fine, but this isn’t over.” She was saying it with a laugh, but it was a rueful laugh that left no doubt that she wasn’t pleased.

Later, after she’d left, she texted saying “curious is the word they use when talking about same-sex stuff.” I acted shocked that she would even think such a thing (Ha!) and told her it’s just a name I made up to stay more anonymous. She wanted to know what I needed to be anonymous for, and I said if I wanted to tell her that, I wouldn’t need to stay anonymous. She responded “Ha ha”, and that was it.

(I made the address last year when I was trying to use Craig's List to hook up with guys, and now I use it for everything I want to keep as hidden as possible.)

It was right after this that I started noticing that she was being flirtier, which I wrote about earlier this week. We’ve been alone a few times since then, and I’ve been expecting her to bring the email account up again but she hasn’t. In one way I’m glad, but in another way I kind of want a confrontation about it. Really, I guess I just want her to be jealous of what I might be doing (though I don’t want her to suspect any of the bisexual activities.) And it’s frustrating that she hasn’t brought it up!

I’ve been tempted to “accidentally” send her a text; something that wouldn’t be too sexually blatant but would be obviously meant for someone else, and be just suggestive enough to indicate something naughty (or at least sneaky) is going on. And yes, I KNOW exactly how childish that sounds, which is one reason why I haven’t done it. Another reason I haven’t is because L is so unpredictable; it may start up the conversation I want, with me getting to play coy and watching her get jealous. Or she may fly right the fuck off the handle and go nuclear. I admit a small part of me wonders about just how that would play out and thinks it could be interesting to see, but the repercussions could be huge and I’m reluctant to take that chance.

There are other reasons I haven’t yet done it: For one, it feels creepy to think about trying to be that manipulative of her, and the potential pain it could cause her. Also, what if I do send something and L just doesn’t care. I’d apologize, saying that the message wasn’t meant for her or to ignore it or whatever, and she says “oh, okay” and that’s it. I think that would be worse than “nuclear” reaction.

But despite all of that, I’m still sorely tempted to do it. I’ve almost sent some carefully formed text two or three times a day all week, and I already have in mind what I would send today if I were to send it. I have the same feeling I usually do after two drinks on a work night when I’m thinking about getting a third: I want my wife to tell me not to, even though I know I’ll resent her for it. And though I’m hoping she’ll say “go for it”, I would consider it irresponsible of her to encourage me in that way. I want to say maturity will prevail, but I’m not at all certain of that right now. On the bright side, if I do send something, it will make for one hell of a post later, right?

For the record, it’s harder to write about L now. I feel like everything I talk about is being drowned out by some air raid horn blaring out “SHE’S MY SISTER! SHE’S MY SISTER! SHE’S MY SISTER!” I think that will pass over time, or at least I hope so. As I said, this blog will be useless to me (and boring for you, the readers) if I’m not able to write honestly about everything, including L.

All in the Family

Yesterday, June 24, was a special anniversary for me. Not my wedding anniversary (though that is special too, of course) but one of a different sort.

Three years ago yesterday I received an email that would change my life. It was from a woman, and she gave me a brief history of her growing up in the same area I did, and graduating from the same school I did, but five years later than me. She’d been adopted as a baby and over the years she followed up on different leads and finally thought she knew where her family on her father’s side was. “That’s right,” she ended the email, “I think you’re my brother.”

To say I was shocked is an understatement. The wife was sitting beside me doing something baseball related, but even she noticed something was wrong. I told her about the email, but I couldn’t sit still. My initial reaction was to think it was some kind of joke, or a scam, and it couldn’t possibly be true. But I remembered how irresponsible my father was, and how bad a husband and father he was, and something deep down started to think this might be real. I paced and muttered for 20 minutes before finally answering her email.

I responded to the email the way I typically do when I don’t know what else to do: with a joke. “I’ll say this,” I opened, “you certainly have the [family name] flair for dropping bombshells!” The long and short of my reply was that I could tell she was sincere in her belief, and in her desire to find her missing family, and I would do everything I could to help her. I told her that even if it turns out we aren’t related, at least that would possibly give her some other clues. Okay, I was babbling at that point, but come on, I was still in shock!

Over the next few days she and I talked, and the more she told me about what she knew of her “real” father (which she learned years ago from her “real” mother), the more I was convinced that we were related. We finally decided to have a DNA test done to see if it’s the case, and by this time we both admitted that we’d be sad if it turned out we weren’t related. My father had been dead since 1982, so it would have to be just us, with no confirmation from him.

I have two older sisters who I considered calling immediately, but decided to wait until the DNA test came back before saying anything. There didn’t seem any point in introducing a lot of drama before we knew for certain. I didn’t want to say anything to my mother at all, no matter what, because the timing of her birth would have been when she and my father were still married. She had no illusions as to what kind of man he was, but she didn’t need proof thrust in her face.

July 9th, Friday, is the second anniversary related to this event, because that evening is when we got the DNA test back: 93% chance that we are half-siblings. My concern was that there would be some ambiguity in the results, especially after spending over $500 for the test. But in the world of DNA, 93% is as close to dead certainty as you can expect (in terms of determining being related.) I actually passed out a few “It’s a girl!” cigars to some close friends. What can I say; I’m a goofball.

The next day I told both of my sisters in a conference call. They didn’t take it well. The oldest sister was excited about it at first, but then changed her mind. The middle sister was cool to the idea from the beginning and, as far as I know, has not changed her mind at all. I’m very sad, and disappointed, by their reaction. The oldest sister gave up a baby girl for adoption when she was 17, and still has regrets about it. The middle sister’s husband was adopted and has often said he wishes he could find out about his biological family, whatever there is of it. It’s astounding to me that the two of them, under the circumstances, can’t find it in their hearts to at least meet their half-sister before deciding to keep her out of their lives. If for nothing else, they should consider the possibility of her being a source of a kidney should they ever need one, for fuck’s sake.

And damned if the both of them didn’t almost immediately tell our mother about it! When she told me she knew, she said they each did it independently, and both of them sounded like they were doing it as much to get me in trouble as anything else. It's really driven a wedge between us

Imagine being 45 years old, and finding out you have a sister who is 40 that you had no clue whatsoever about! My sister (I no longer consider her a half-sister, and only use that phrase when I’m being precise) and her husband became really close with the wife and I. We went to dinner together a few times, got drunk together, and had a lot of fun. Some things have changed over the past three years, but we’re still close and I love her dearly.

I’ve started this post a number of times over the past month or so, only to discard it. I’ve been concerned about what it will mean to some of you, and how you’ll react. This blog is for me, of course, and for my own healing, but I’ve grown close to many of you who have interacted with me either on the blog or via email. I’d hate to think that I might lose some of you as internet friends, or lose your respect. But ultimately, I have to continue to write about the things I have to work through or this blog is just meaningless rambling, and I’m wasting my time. That’s why I’m posting this, and telling you:

My sister is L.

Weekend Update

Good morning and happy Monday! Time to get the week started and push on until Friday. Is it bad that by Sunday night I'm already looking forward to Friday?

I don't have a lot new to report with LF. With no games for the wife to go to until this Friday, LF and I haven't been able to play on Skype. We text and email during the day while at work, and a little over this weekend, but that's not the same. And now her work schedule is changing so it's going to become even more difficult for us to get together. Not impossible, though. I've got some ideas, if we can work them out.

My girl dog has had some problems recently with her lady parts. Specifically, she's apparently gotten a UTI and the poor thing spends the majority of her time outside going from spot to spot trying to pee. We got her to the vet Saturday and now I have to force two Amoxicillin capsules down her throat a day. In two weeks we have to get another pee sample from her to the vet so they can see if it's cleared up. Meanwhile, we also have to keep an eye on her for a bad reaction to the meds. Fun times!

L and I have gotten a little more flirty lately, which has me wondering what's going through her mind. This is a pattern we've gone through before, though it's been a long time, and it's telling that in some cases she's the one who starts it. She mentioned last week that she'd caught me looking at her boobs when we were in the pool, and I told her about the slippage (which she claims she didn't know about.) I admitted that even though we aren't like that anymore, she's still always going to turn me on, and she admitted it makes her feel good to know that. She also said she still thinks I'm sexy, though at my current weight I don't see how that could be.

One part of my brain is telling me that I'd be a fool to start getting my hopes up about something happening again. L is probably feeling down and needing an ego boost, which I don't mind giving her, but she's almost certainly not wanting anything to start up again. Another part of my brain is saying even if she wants something to start up again, I need to run from that as fast as I can. There are too many factors against us for it to turn out well. 

But if she said the word, I know I'd jump right back into that with her again.

I'm supposed to meet T for dinner Tuesday night (he contacted me this time), but I don't think any shenanigans will ensue. We'll catch up, though, and I'll tell him about Brent and I getting together. It should be an interesting evening, that's for sure!

I ain't Stella, but I'm Getting My Groove Back

I started my current job a year ago this month, but as a contract employee through a temp hiring service. I really enjoy the job, I like the people I work with, and I respect the company I work for. It also helps that it pays more than any other job I’ve had before, which is kind of sad when you consider it still barely cracks $40K/year. I can’t complain, though; it’s twice what I was making at my old job, and far far more than I made owning my own business.

The one downside is that I start at 8 a.m., and it’s a 30 minute drive, so I have to leave the house around 7 so I can get here and get my work area settled, relax, etc. It’s fine, though; I’m a morning person and I’m usually up by 4:30 or 5:00 most days anyway (I sleep in until 6:00 on the weekends when I can), so it’s not like I have to rush to get out. It’s just been an adjustment.

Previously, when I had my own company (I was a co-owner, actually), I wouldn’t have to be at the office until 10 or so. If I had clients needing immediate attention I could get there whenever they needed me, but for the most part I would wake up at my normal 4:30 or 5:00, exercise (if I had the motivation), have coffee with the wife, then wave good bye as she left with at least two hours before I had to start getting ready for work! Guys know what I’m getting at here, right? Well, women who read my blog probably know what I’m getting at here too for that matter. Alone time!

“Alone time” is my euphemism for masturbation, and WOW! did I do a lot of that! Every day I was on my favorite sites reading sex stories, watching videos, and slowly stroking myself. I could take my time and “edge” over and over, letting the pleasure build up then back off. Usually I’d just sit on my couch with a towel (that’s where I keep my laptop), but sometimes I’d kick it up a notch and spread out on our bed. That way I could be a little more adventurous with positions and toys (yes, I like toys as long as they’re small and thin enough). The orgasms weren’t always mind-blowing, but they were always satisfying.

And despite the daily jack-off sessions, I would still be aroused enough to want sex more often than not. The wife isn’t always likewise ready, so I’ve learned over the years not to put myself in a position to be too disappointed when nothing happens. And heck, there’s always the next morning to enjoy myself, so no biggie, right?

Even after giving up on having my own company (going months at a time without receiving even a weekly paycheck tends to sap your enthusiasm) and starting the phone support job, I didn’t have to be in at work until 9:30 or 10:00, depending on how they changed the schedule. That meant I didn’t have quite as much time, but it was still enough to enjoy myself thoroughly. The freedom to be completely naked while I played was heavenly.

But then I started this job. Again, I like it, and it pays well, but I’m out of the house every morning before the wife is. That means I don’t get much time to play, and even my ability to exercise in the morning is hampered because it throws off my timing. Last summer I could make up for it when the wife had games to go to that evening, but it’s not the same. As I said, I’m a morning person and that includes being at my most horny in the morning. That’s not to say I can’t enjoy myself at nights, alone or with… someone. But it’s just not the same for some reason that I’m not sure I can adequately explain.

And once baseball season was over, even that window of opportunity went away. I rapidly went from pleasuring myself almost every day (morning) to the occasional wank when I had the time and motivation.

And I was slowly losing the motivation, to be honest. Not only was I not getting to jack off, a lot of times I just didn’t feel like it even if I did have time. Part of this was the depression I started going through at the same time (mostly because of L and the ups and downs of our fucked up relationship) but that wasn’t all of it. It was just a general lack of interest in getting off, either with the wife or alone.

At the same time this was going on, I was still half-heartedly trying to get something going with A, the girl I worked with before. I wasn’t making any progress, but the hope was still there. Also, it was near the end of that summer that I started really feeling the urge to get with another man so strongly. If I did get motivated to masturbate, it was usually to fantasies involving A, T, or some other man-on-man situation. And even then I noticed that my erections weren’t really as strong as before, and though I would enjoy the orgasms they just weren’t as satisfying as they had been.

So fast forward to this past April, and that’s where I was. Except the rare times alone at home became even rarer because the niece is staying with us, so even if the wife is at a game I still don’t often have time. But I’d honestly just gotten to the point where it didn’t matter. I worried about my lack of desire to get off in some way more than the fact that I wasn’t getting off. I thought maybe it was age, or being out of shape. I even considered that I might have low testosterone, as I seemed to have a lot of the same symptoms, which includes depression and decreased sex drive. (As it happens, my testosterone level is fine, according the lab tests done this summer.) I didn’t know if the depression was keeping me from wanting sex, or if the lack of desire for sex was making me depressed. It was probably a little of both, one feeding the other in a vicious circle.

But by April I’d been blogging for a month, and exorcising some of my demons, which has helped. (Don’t worry, there are still some demons left; I’m not going anywhere for a while.) I also discovered Dizcrete, though sadly now defunct, and there I talked to a number of men who were going through the same closeted bisexual urges that I was. Of course you know that’s also where I met Brent.

I started noticing, from chatting and looking at pictures there, that I was slowly starting to get back some of those old feelings. Not like before, mind you, but I was aroused more often. I was finding time in the morning once in a while to rub one out before the girls woke up, or ducking into the men’s room at work to sneak one in. I still had times where it was the last thing on my mind, but more and more it was becoming something to look forward to again. And I was starting to get interested in sex with the wife again, though there’s still the issue of synching up the timing.

The more Brent and I talked, and planned to meet, the more I was getting back to my old self. My biggest worry was that my libido would pick the day we actually did meet to go back in hiding, but it turned out that wasn’t the case. I was nervous, and it took some bit of effort to get me going, but once I did everything was fine. In fact, after I came I might have been able to go again (with some effort), but we ran out of time and had to wrap it up.

In a comment on the post where I told of Brent’s and my adventure, JFB asked if this was now something I’d gotten out of my system and was ready to move on, or did it make me want it again even more. After some weeks of reflection, here is my current answer:

I enjoyed the encounter (thanks again, Brent!), and I think there is no doubt I needed to experience it. I didn’t, and don’t, have any negative feelings about it like regret or guilt, and I’m definitely open to the possibility of doing it again at some point in the future. The desperation for the experience that I felt last year isn’t there, and that’s probably a good thing. But I could see, under the right circumstances, doing it again, and I think my anxiety level would be less the next time around. I’m not actively searching for anything at the moment, but I’m keeping my eyes (and mind) open to opportunities that might come along.

My somewhat ambivalent feelings about future experiences should be in no way considered a reflection on Brent, and I hope it doesn’t come off that way. My desire for sex with guys has always been this way; sometimes very strong and other times barely there. If it weren’t for the logistics, I’d definitely be willing to meet up with him for another encounter, and that’s something that may happen down the road anyway.

In the past few weeks, LF and I have been talking more and more, and now it’s like every day I’m in need of finding time to take care of business. My concern used to be whether or not I could even get an erection; now it’s how to hide the obvious bulge in my pants from my coworkers.

I mean, look at this thing!

I don’t know if there’s any one thing that’s been the cause of the turn-around; likely it’s a combination of a lot of factors. But I believe the excitement of a new, naughty relationship with LF has a lot to do with it. It’s hard to stay in a dark mood when I'm anticipating meeting someone for the first time, kissing her, getting sweaty together… yea, I think I’m going to have to go to the men’s room againtoday.

 I’m also more responsive on those occasions when the wife wants some action, which is nice. On the other hand, that also means more often than not I’m horny and she’s not, but that’s at least another sign of things getting back to normal.

And heck, there’s always the next morning to enjoy myself, so no biggie, right?

Miscellaneous Notes

In no particular order:

- I've made a few adjustments on the site recently, adding a blog roll on the side (if you're viewing the full site) and removing the challenge for posting. Blogger recommended not using the challenge since they have their spam filter in place, and it does make it easier (I hope) to just post your comment, without having to enter two obscured words or collection of letters. I know it's a particular pain on a smart phone, especially when I'm wearing my contacts and my close-up vision of small type isn't very good.

- LF and I spoke on the phone for the first time yesterday. We've been emailing, texting, and even Skyping, so a phone call shouldn't be any big deal. But somehow it was, at least a little. It seemed more... intimate, I guess. Anyway, for now we're just playing around and having fun, but hopefully there will be a chance for us to get together for, uh... a drink. Yea, a drink.

- L came by last night and hung out with the wife and I. I'd put our little blow-up pool up Sunday and filled it with water, and last night was just warm enough (80º) to sit in water slightly warmed by the sun all day. The top of L's one-piece suit was just a tad small for her, and her left boob kept trying to sneak out over the top. I don't know if she noticed how often her aureola peaked out, but I sure did! The wife didn't see it or she would have said something to L. I'm mostly done with mooning over the loss of the sexual relationship with L, but dammit, I'm gonna look at boobs!

- I have 13 followers now, and over the past 3 1/2 months I've posted 75 articles, including this one. I'm still averaging around 40 to 50 views a day, with big spikes on some of the posts. "Lost and Found" has been the most read, but I think that's because other people who've been searching for news on Dizcrete have landed there. Otherwise it was a pretty innocuous post. Next up in page views is the post "I don't see it..." which has a picture of my eyes. I'm not sure why that one has gotten such a good viewing. I've had a total of 6,822 page views all time, and a total of 293 comments thus far. All in all, I'm not setting the world on fire, but I'm happy with the progress. Thanks, everyone, for your continued reading and comments.

Weekend Update

Happy Monday, everyone!

Not a lot to report from this weekend, though it was a pretty good one overall. I got to play with LF a bit Friday night on Skype, but we had to cut it off when the niece came home earlier than I'd hoped. That left me really horny and hoping the wife would want some action when she got home from the game, but no dice. It was "too late" and she was tired. *sigh*

Saturday was a good day for riding, so the wife and I hopped on the motorcycle to run a lot of our errands. We had to use the car for grocery shopping of course (ever try to carry several bags and a case of sodas on a motorcycle?) but the rest of the running around was doable on the motorcycle. It's actually preferable; our ability to impulse-buy crap we don't need is hampered by the lack of trunk space.

I grilled a couple of ribeyes for an early dinner, but I'm still not getting that right. We both like our steaks medium-rare, but I keep jumping the gun on getting them off the grill, so they wind up rare. I don't mind it so much, but the wife really doesn't like it that undercooked. I try to keep them on longer but I get too impatient I guess. Plus, the meat had more gristle and was tougher than it really should have been, so overall I was a little disappointed in them. They had a good flavor though, and the leftovers, cut into little chunks, made for a decent omelet Sunday morning.

Despite having taken care of myself Saturday morning, and again Saturday night while the wife was at yet another game and the niece was gone for a short time, I woke up Sunday morning as horny as ever. Okay, it was partially my fault for spending much of the morning looking at some of the sites on JFB's Awesome Links, but by the time I woke the wife up I was in need. She must have been too, because she responded immediately to my touches and hints. We had to be a little careful, and quieter than usual, because the niece's room is right next to ours, but it was satisfying and fun for the both of us.

We got to do a little more riding Sunday, but the wife left for a double-header at 12:30 while I mowed and took care of a few other chores. I sat outside later and had a cigar (I need to cut back on that, I think), then grilled some bratwursts for dinner when the wife got home around 7:00.

There are no games this week, and not for the next ten days or so. I want to be glad that the wife will be home, but I'm really not. She'll be here, but won't really be "here" in a meaningful sense. She'll have all of her attention on whatever baseball games are on, either on TV or her computer, and I'll wind up reading or whatever. Beside each other but in our own worlds. I won't be able to "play" with LF during this time, of course, so that's another problem with it.

That's all for now. Have a good week, y'all.

FFF - Apartment #6 - 6/14

Word Limit - 369
Required Phrase - Bewildered
Forbidden Words - Knock, Lock(ed), Super
Extra Credit - Set the story during mid-day.
Bonus Words -
Tell us how she got the slipper (25 words)
Tell us about the neighborhood (25 words)

Jenny took a deep breath, gathering her courage. She knew she should have insisted on meeting Henry somewhere public for the first time. She really should have insisted on wearing clothes, but he had been… persuasive. Besides, when you meet someone on Ashley Madison, there’s no doubt you’re going to fuck. At least this way he’d know instantly that the carpet matched the rich, red drapes.

Her one act of defiance was at the last minute stopping at the nearby Wal-Mart and picking up a cheap pair of slippers. Jenny never did like going barefoot, and wasn’t about to start now. People had looked at her funny because of the trench coat on such a hot day, like they knew she was naked underneath it, but it was hard to be concerned about the opinion of people at Wal-Mart.

When she pulled up into the quaint, brown-stone neighborhood, she’d wanted to leave the coat in the car, but there were children playing. A month earlier and they would have still been in school, but now they were on summer vacation. She left the coat on until the elevator stopped on the third floor, then disrobed before heading down the hallway to apartment #6.

Suddenly her nerves started getting the best of her.  What if Ian, her husband, called the office? They’d tell him she’d left early, saying she wasn’t feeling well. That would lead to an awkward conversation. Jenny’s hands started getting damp, and she worried the pages she held would get stained. She had a feeling Henry wouldn’t like that.

There was no buzzer on the door, so she’d have to announce her presence the old fashioned way. She rapped on the door and waited, fidgeting and shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She heard movement form the other side of the door, and a thrill of excitement shot through her. She felt herself getting damp despite her nervousness.

The old man who answered the door looked nothing like the pictures Henry had sent. When his bewildered look was replaced by a wide grin, Jenny knew something was wrong. She desperately covered herself as much as she could while she stammered out “Isn’t this Apartment #6?”

The old man looked at the door number, sighed, and flipped it up. “One day I’ve got to get that damned thing fixed!” he said, looking Jenny up and down. “But I’m glad it wasn’t today!”

I don't remember the actual word count per MS Word, but I know it's under the 369 plus 50 bonus words. I did some last minute editing before posting as well, so I should be golden.

Go on over to Advizor54 to read some good submissions from the other fine folks who play FFF with us.

"Cheating" Makes it Sound Bad

Tom at Three Spelling Mistakes asks this week “What’s worse: Cheating or Divorcing?” I don’t pretend to have the answer for anyone else, of course, but for me divorcing would be far worse than cheating. At least as far as my initiating the divorce is concerned.

I’ve said before that I would be okay with the wife leaving me for someone else, as long as she would be happy. But I’m not going to leave her, and though I cheat I’ll do everything in my power to not get caught. That would hurt her, whether she decided ultimately to stay with me or to leave, and I just don’t want to do that. And yes, I know that if I’m cheating I’m always taking that chance on being found out, but that’s just something I have to work around.

I’m not sure, though, how it is that casual sex outside of marriage got such a bad reputation. I’m not talking about falling in love with someone else and fucking while planning to leave your spouse for that person. I understand that aspect of “cheating”, where the unknowing spouse will lose the affection and security to which they’ve grown accustomed. To me, that’s a different situation entirely. If you know you no longer want to be with your spouse, then end the marriage before you start fucking around. Neither of you are helped by staying in a marriage that is essentially over.

But in my case, I don’t want someone to replace the wife; I do love her, for all the complaining I do on here. I wish I could simply tell her that I need a variety of sex to feel fulfilled, and though I understand that she doesn’t want to be as adventurous as I do, I still have the need for it. In a perfect world, I could convince her that I’m not going to leave her for whatever sex partner I might get involved with; it’s just sex, probably with some level of affection, but not love. And I’d be fine with her doing the same thing. We could either talk about our flings, or not, depending on her feelings about it, and of course we would both be as safe as possible.

But that’s a pipe dream, of course. She, like so many other people, ties sex and intimacy closely together, and can’t imagine having sex with someone unless “forever love” is attached to it. And that’s fine for her; I just wish she’d understand that’s not how I feel about it. With another hat tip to Tom, wouldn’t it be nice if sex were seen as just another biological function like eating, with no more significance on it and who you do it with? “Honey, I was having lunch with Carol today and she said to tell you that bacon is on sale at the Piggly Wiggly.” Replace “lunch” with “sex” and it would be a perfect world.

So yes, I cheat, but I do it because I have no intention of leaving the wife. Does that make it okay? Probably not in most people’s eyes, but it’s an ethical distinction for me and I can live with it.

Lights! Cameras! ....

I had another nice chat with LF (short for Lady Friend) last night. This time we video chatted with Skype, since both the wife and the niece were away and out of my hair. We chatted about work and vacation and a lot of stuff. She's really very nice and easy to talk to, and I enjoyed it.

Of course one thing led to another, and before long we were both nekkid and putting on a show for each other. She's self-concious about her body, but I don't think she should be; she's curvy and I like it. I've always said if I wanted to fool around with a girl that has a ten-year old boy's body, I'd have become a priest. Despite her discomfort and shyness, she did move the camera so that I could watch her stroke and penetrate her soft kitty, warm kitty with her fingers. I love watching women masturbate, and I'm glad she shared that with me.

After we were done and I'd cleaned up (I had a towel with me, of course) we talked some more, but it was getting late and she was tired. We rang off and I spent the rest of the evening grinning and feeling generally pretty satisfied.

We'll probably meet up sometime, at least for a drink if not more, uh... face-to-face activities. She lives closer than Brent by a good margin, but it's still a good drive for either of us. We'll work something out, though. We just have to get the timing right so that the wife will be at a game and I can get out of the house without suspicion.

Weekend Update

Rise and shine, people, it's Monday! Time to start acting like adults again!

The trip to Baltimore went well; it was a long drive but uneventful. We made it to the hotel around 1:00 P.M., grabbed a bite for lunch, then relaxed for a few hours before heading into the part of the city where the concert was. Once there, we walked around some before having dinner at a place called Joe Squared, then made our way to the concert venue.

I'd never heard of Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls until my niece started talking about wanting to see him a few months ago. Turns out, they aren't a bad band. Frank is from Essex (according to one of their songs) and is the songwriter and main singer. From what I've seen, the Sleeping Souls are a good band, but expendable; Frank is the force behind them.

This is one of my favorite songs of his, Plain Sailing Weather, because I can definitely understand the sentiment: "Give me one fine day of plain sailing weather and I can fuck up anything."

It was fun, and the band was good, but the best part of the whole trip for me was just how excited my niece was. We made it back home Friday afternoon and I rested a bit, looking forward to still having a full weekend to recuperate from the driving. I used to love long distance drives, but I guess I'm older now and they aren't as fun.

The wife and I went to a beer fest Saturday, which was okay but I was a little disappointed. All the craft brewers seem to focus on ales, which I don't generally like unless it's an amber or dark ale. And the few stouts and wheat beers there weren't very tasty. I wound up with a decent buzz, but none of the beers really sparked my interest.

Yesterday I mowed, had a cigar, then grilled some chicken for dinner with corn on the cob and potato salad. I finally decided "fuck being self-concious about my weight" and took my shirt off while mowing, and while smoking the cigar I laid out to get some more sun, and wound up nice and red, lol. 

It's not a bad burn, I don't think, and it will turn into a nice tan in a few days. It's a good start, and if it would stop raining all the god-damned time, I might be able to keep it up. I had an uncle who told me once "Tan fat looks better than white fat" and in my case I think he's right.

So that was my weekend; how was yours?

New Friend

I have a new Lady Friend (LF from here on out), and things are starting to get interesting. She reads my blog regularly, and contacted me to let me know she likes my writing and lives pretty near to me. She sent me a picture (which I’m keeping to myself), saying it was only fair since she’s already seen me; the naughty bits, anyway. She very pretty in the picture, and even though she’s wearing clothes (darn it) I can tell she’s curvy and got some really nice boobs.

And last night, I found out I’m right! After some back and forth email, and some flirting, I let her know that I would not be opposed to receiving pictures of any nature (ahem.) LF, being the champ she is, responded with a picture showing her ample attributes! It’s not that her tits are huge (I don’t find really giant ones to be that much of a turn on anyway), but she has some outstanding, suckable nipples! Later on, while chatting on Skype, we exchanged some more pictures (though she’s already seen me in all my glory), and I know she also has something I very much want to dive right into!

Several minutes after we both finally logged out of Skype, she sent an email saying she’d came hard. I sent one back shortly after saying I had too (and boy what a mess I made!)

She’s not, like, right next door by any means, but close enough that if she really is interested in getting together, we certainly can. And if it stays with us just getting online and chatting (hopefully soon with webcams involved) that will be okay too. I’ll be disappointed, of course, because I definitely want to play in real life. But for now we’ll take some baby steps and see where that takes us.

And yes, I did get her permission to post about our fun from last night. “In fact,” she wrote, “I find it kind of hot!”

Like I said: she’s a champ! This could get good.

 

Weekend Update

Happy Monday! 

Outside of the obvious doings from Friday, this weekend has otherwise been pretty sedate. The wife and I rode the bike around the valley Saturday, and it was mostly a beautiful day for it. It got pretty warm, but as long as we were moving it was enjoyable. She went to a game in the evening and I mowed the lawn and rewarded myself with a cigar. When she got home we had a few drinks then went to bed.

Sunday morning I made waffles for breakfast, with some sausage and bacon on the side. Not exactly a healthy breakfast, I know, but it's one of my favorites. Later the niece left for a while, and the wife and I took advantage of the time alone to have sex.

I cooked a rack of ribs for lunch, and I'm getting pretty good at that. I wanted to grill them, but the weather didn't cooperate so I baked them in the oven. They still come out really tender that way, and with corn on the cob and some potato salad, it was a big meal. Some day I'll post my recipe for the ribs (the dry rub really makes the difference) if anyone's interested. And if you have a rub you really like, please let me know. I love trying different combination of spices.

Despite an off-and-on drizzle, the local farm team still played, so the wife went to the game and I smoked another cigar. When I got back inside, A Fistful of Dollars was just starting. I watched that while reading the second book of Jim Butcher's Codex Alera, a fantasy series that I'm really getting into.

Just a three day work week for me this coming week. The niece and I are driving to Baltimore Thursday to attend a concert that she wants to see (Frank Turner, whom I'm not very familiar with.) She doesn't want to go alone, and none of her friends want to go, so I somehow got roped into taking her. It will be a good adventure for the two of us, I suppose. She's a good kid, and very intelligent (she's my niece; how could she not be?) and I'm looking to spending the time together.

Back to the grind, people, at least for a little while.

Following Up - Slightly Less Curious

Yes, it finally happened; I sucked a guy's cock! Well, technically it finally happened again, but I still don't count the first time (as seen in the "This one time.." series) as a true first time. This time definitely does, though.

The events as I related them Friday, though I pretended it was a dream, are what happened, so I won't go through it again here. But I do want to expound on things a bit, for those of you who wanted more details. And there are some pictures, so if that's not your thing I won't be offended if you don't look.

And JFB, no I didn't end up tied up in some guy's dungeon. Brent is not a psycho axe murderer! Or, if he is, his better nature was able to overcome his baser tendencies on this occasion. (Sorry, Brent, just a little joke.)

Brent, ready and waiting.
I took this shot from a bad angle; he's got
nothing to be ashamed of in the size department.

If Brent hadn't taken charge, I'm not sure anything would have happened. I couldn't get past actually being there with him, and as we talked I realized as much as I wanted this to happen, I wasn't going to be able to make a move. My nerves had frozen me, and all I could do is stand there making inane conversation and giggle like a loon.

Even when we were naked, standing, and stroking each other, it was almost beyond me to even try kissing him. I finally just had to force myself to. Again, it wasn't that I didn't want to, I just didn't... I don't know how to explain it. Once we kissed, though, things just followed, and there wasn't any more hesitation.

Kissing another man was definitely strange. Not bad, mind you, just so different to me. I'm not a small guy by any means, but Brent is taller and heavier (not in a bad way), and a very aggressive kisser. I've never felt like the receiver of a kiss before like that. I've been told by women that I'm a good kisser; I wonder if Brent felt the same way. (It didn't occur to me to ask him at the time.)

But once that happened, the rest just fell right into place. It was still different, and I was still too much in my own head, but it got easier to just let myself go as we went along.

Yep, thats me! I'm not really as bald
as I look here, I swear. 

I was worried about my teeth getting in the way, and it turned out Brent was too, but neither of us had any problems with it. Once I got used to the sensation, I was really comfortable with it, and enjoyed having him in my mouth like that.

He liked it too.

I was surprised how much it was like having sex with a woman; we played, we laughed, we directed each other, I came and he didn't. Ba-dum-tssh! Ha ha. But seriously, he didn't come. I felt bad, like I was leaving him hanging, but he said it was okay. And he felt bad because I didn't get that part of the fantasy, but I said it was okay. And it was, for me; things happen, and really that was just a small part of it. Everything else was just like I wanted it.

Afterwards, we went for lunch and talked about everything. We agreed that we would want to do this again, though with someone more local to each of us. Brent and I may be able to hook up again some day, but it's just too long a drive for both of us to make it even a semi-regular thing. But for me, it was very enjoyable, and I am glad that my "first" time was with him.

Thanks, Brent.