It Shouldn't Be Like This

I shouldn’t be this bothered by it, but I am and I’m not certain why. I can guess, but none of my guesses feel right. I’m not exactly jealous, but I will admit to being envious because of what I can’t have that someone else does.

She told me two weeks ago, on a short, day visit, that she was “talking” with someone. No, they hadn’t fucked (nor even seen each other outside work) but they were texting and she wanted to fuck him. She’d sent him nudes but he hadn’t sent any in return.

She told me later that week that he was going to meet up with us at the St. Patrick’s Day parade downtown, then later thought she might call that off because it would be too risky. The wife would be there, which was one consideration, but she was also worried about coworkers seeing them and jumping to (the mostly correct) conclusions.

Then Saturday, while we’re downtown celebrating at various places, the fact that the parade had been cancelled led me to the erroneous conclusion that he wouldn’t show up. Except that he did, and the rest of the day was just an ambush of us (the wife and I) having to accept this is the way it is. Within an hour they weren’t even trying to be subtle about it anymore.

The plan was for her to stay the night with us; she’d already brought all her things in. The plan was after day drinking downtown, we (the three of us) would come home and have some drinks, watch a movie maybe. The plan was not for him to drive her to our house and join us. The plan was not for them to be on the couch, making out. The plan was not for her to finally drag him back to her room and spend the next few hours noisily fucking.

When I say that the plan was not all those things, I mean it wasn’t the plan that I was aware of. I don’t know if I believe her that it wasn’t her plan all along, at least in part. I do know that at no point were we asked if any of this was alright. It was thrust upon us and we were just expected to deal with it.

 The wife handled it better than I would have thought, especially considering she didn’t even have the warning that I did.

The next morning she apologized, and said she barely remembered the sex. She couldn’t tell me if he had a nice dick, or if she’d enjoyed the sex. I told her that from what we heard it must have been okay. I also told her that I didn’t like B blowing my phone up, asking where she was because she wasn’t answering when he tried texting or calling her. She apologized for that too, and thought it was going to cause problems for her when she got home.

While talking about what little she did remember, I was stroking myself while she watched. She showed me her tits and leered while I came. She went back to try to get some more sleep, and I jacked off again, hoping it would feel cleansing. Of course it didn’t.

When she came back out a while later, she still looked very rough. I told her I jacked off again while she was trying to sleep. She told me she played with herself twice thinking about having seen me cum. That made me feel a little better.

She also told me she didn’t know where this was going. She told him she wasn’t looking to leave B, and he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship either. She said she definitely wants to fuck him again, only this time while sober enough to remember everything. I told her when that happens I want to know all the details.

It felt easier this time than the last time, maybe because it all happened so fast I didn’t have time to think about it. Or maybe because I’m not stuck in the middle, trying to cover for her with the wife. The wife knows, and though she’s somewhat disappointed she knows L is going to make her own decisions.

Then yesterday she said he told her that he liked hanging out with us last week, and that he thought the wife and I were pretty cool. I don’t know if he really told her that, or if she said he did. I think he really did, because L doesn’t generally lie about something like that. It did answer the question of whether they were still talking. And from what she said, L is deeper into this than she’d let on earlier.

I told the wife enough for her to know that the two of them were still talking, and she just shook her head. L is going to make her own decisions, after all. The wife agrees that if it should happen, down the road, that L and this guy are officially together in some way we’d be fine with hanging out with them. We just don’t want to be in the middle of drama like the last time, seven years ago. (Holy shit, has it really been that long?!)

I told L “next time get some pictures for me” and she said he doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like sending dick pictures, and didn’t really like her sending him the nudes. What a weirdo, right? She agreed, laughing. So I again reiterated that when round two happens, remember everything so I can get ALL the details. She told me she thinks it’ll be tomorrow (today, as I’m writing this.) She’s going to visit a friend here in town, but meet him beforehand. He lives somewhere between her town and here, so it will be easy. From what else she said, maybe he’s going with her to visit her friend; I don’t know.

I told her just to tell him that the pictures are for her brother, and he’d probably be fine with it. That got the expected “ROFL”, and I smiled.

I was fine for most of the night. A friend came over for dinner, the three of us watched a movie, had some drinks, then she left. The wife and I had another drink, maybe two, then started getting ready for bed.

With the TV off, and nothing to occupy my time, my buzz fell away and my thoughts teemed. I don’t know why I feel this… despondent? Is that too strong a word for this? I don’t know. I’m trying to be philosophical about it, if that’s a thing, reminding myself that it should be enough that she is in my life. Maybe there will sometimes be room for the other things we have, off and on, and maybe not. As long as she’s in my life, that should be enough.

But is it?