Some Afterthoughts

Last night I had a nice phone conversation with Simplicity while I sat outside smoking a cigar. (And yes, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!) I’m generally not a phone person; quick calls to confirm plans or get information that you want quicker than if you text or email are fine, but any longer than a few minutes and generally I’m antsy and fidgety and ready to move on to something else. I’ve been like that all my life, but it’s only gotten worse with the advent of email and texting.

But I really enjoyed our conversation last night, and it did me quite a bit of good. Writing is the way I usually process the big things, but occasionally the “big thing” is just too much, and my thoughts are too jumbled to write them down. I can usually balance trying to write correctly with getting my thoughts across accurately, but times like these I get too bogged down in the minutia and can’t express myself at all.

At those times, I just need to blurt it out to break the wall down. The trouble is, there aren’t many people I can comfortably talk to directly (i.e. not just via my blog) about Thursday night. And frankly, I didn’t know if I’d be able to get past my barriers even with Simplicity, but after she finally coaxed me to start, it became much easier. We've shared so much over the past year, and her friendship means the world to me precisely because I can talk to her. And it did help quite a lot!

Now that I can think straight(er) about things, here are some observations in no particular order:

As I said, T’s cum was not as thick or as present as I had thought it would be. I’d honestly assumed that I would have trouble with my first mouthful, and that I’d cough or gag a little. It went so smoothly and easily that my first thought was “what the hell are women always bitching about?” I told Simplicity this, and she got a real good laugh out of it. She said I absolutely had to share this on the blog, so blame her for it being here, lol!

I’m not sure T was ever fully erect, because the pictures he sent back when he and I first started with this showed him to be at least a little closer to my size. I’m not at all concerned about his size, but it’s mildly disappointing that he wasn’t rock hard! Not that I blame him; with all the commotion going on outside, and I’m sure he had plenty going on in his mind just like I did. Heck, I was never fully erect either.

Then again, I didn’t really need to be erect. For me, the big deal was sucking him off and anything he would have done for me would have been secondary. He later apologized for leaving me hanging, but I don’t know that he could have done much for me anyway.

Two days removed from it, I still see it as almost entirely positive. I’d rather it not have been in a bathroom, as I’ve said, but beggars can’t be choosy. There wasn’t anything wrong with the bathroom; it was clean and well lit, so not actually as seedy as in my mind sex in a public bathroom always seems.

But yes, otherwise a positive experience. I’ve had no remorse or regrets about it, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be happy to do it again, either with T if it works out or with someone else under the right circumstances (yes, James,that includes you.) The pressure to fulfill the fantasy is gone, but I think I’ll enjoy sucking the occasional cock.

After my experience with Brent last year, James asked if I thought I’d do it again or if I’d gotten it out of my system. I honestly didn’t know then, because I hadn’t fulfilled the whole of the fantasy. Now that I have, it’s kind of a yes and yes. I have now gotten the pressure to experience this out of my system, but just like finally fucking a girl for the first time relieved that pressure, it doesn’t mean I won’t want to do it again.

Despite everything, a part of me wonders if I’m making too much of this. I mean, it’s just a cock, right? Women, and men, do it every day! What’s the big deal? But of course it’s a big deal for me, and I know a lot of you agree, and are happy for me (based on your comments.) I appreciate all of you putting up with me being so melodramatic! :-)