Things are starting to get back into the same rut. It seems the majority of the wife’s attention is on baseball, either with the local games or (when they aren’t in town) following them online and monitoring other games. I suppose we’ll need to have another talk about it, but honestly I don’t know if it’s worth the effort. It just feels like we’re saying the same things over and over and it gets a little better for a time but then soon enough we’re right back where we were.
As I think it through, I’m not really sure what I’m complaining about anymore. I really don’t mind her going to the games; she enjoys them and I have a little time to myself. If I weren’t so apathetic about everything, I could use that time to get out and do things, but mainly I just stay home and read. At least this year I have the gym, which I still try to stay steady and consistent with. We go together when she doesn’t have a game to go to, and when she does I try to get over there on my own. But other than the gym, I really just don’t have motivation to do anything else.
I complain about how much time and energy she devotes to baseball, but why does that bother me? I know I’ve said before something along the lines of “If she would put half the work into ‘us’ as she does into baseball…” but the truth is I couldn’t stand a tenth of that focus. If she dropped baseball tomorrow I certainly wouldn’t be able to absorb the energy, and I suspect that I’d be just as resentful of any other hobby she picked up to replace it.
After some little reflection, I think I’m jealous of her ability to be so immersed in a hobby and maintain the passion and joy for it. I’ve never been able to do that because I lose interest so quickly in things. I used to play golf; poorly, but I enjoyed it. When I had time and money, I’d go to the driving range three or four times a week, and try to get on the course at least once every week or two. Then, almost overnight, nothing; I lost complete interest in it. I tried going to the driving range a few times to see if the spark could be rekindled but it never was. It was the same with computers, bowling, music, etc.; all things I deeply loved doing until one day, nothing.
So I’m going to try criticizing her baseball hobby less. Despite occasionally going overboard with it, she’s really not hurting anybody, least of all me. I wish I could enjoy it with her, because I know she’d love that, but I simply can’t. But I can allow her to enjoy it without trying to make her feel guilty about it.
As I think it through, I’m not really sure what I’m complaining about anymore. I really don’t mind her going to the games; she enjoys them and I have a little time to myself. If I weren’t so apathetic about everything, I could use that time to get out and do things, but mainly I just stay home and read. At least this year I have the gym, which I still try to stay steady and consistent with. We go together when she doesn’t have a game to go to, and when she does I try to get over there on my own. But other than the gym, I really just don’t have motivation to do anything else.
I complain about how much time and energy she devotes to baseball, but why does that bother me? I know I’ve said before something along the lines of “If she would put half the work into ‘us’ as she does into baseball…” but the truth is I couldn’t stand a tenth of that focus. If she dropped baseball tomorrow I certainly wouldn’t be able to absorb the energy, and I suspect that I’d be just as resentful of any other hobby she picked up to replace it.
After some little reflection, I think I’m jealous of her ability to be so immersed in a hobby and maintain the passion and joy for it. I’ve never been able to do that because I lose interest so quickly in things. I used to play golf; poorly, but I enjoyed it. When I had time and money, I’d go to the driving range three or four times a week, and try to get on the course at least once every week or two. Then, almost overnight, nothing; I lost complete interest in it. I tried going to the driving range a few times to see if the spark could be rekindled but it never was. It was the same with computers, bowling, music, etc.; all things I deeply loved doing until one day, nothing.
So I’m going to try criticizing her baseball hobby less. Despite occasionally going overboard with it, she’s really not hurting anybody, least of all me. I wish I could enjoy it with her, because I know she’d love that, but I simply can’t. But I can allow her to enjoy it without trying to make her feel guilty about it.
"lose interest so quickly in things." With 248 entries in two years, writing seems to be your baseball. I almost have the same thing about hobbies, there's a half a chance that I'll just drop it or I'll be obsessively into it.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a lot the first year but I've slacked off since then. I can easily see this hobby becoming another one dropped some day down the road.
Delete"This too, shall pass"
DeleteI suspect your writing is the cathartic salve that it is to so many of is in the blogworld. I also doubt it takes away from your wife.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be sort of an "I don't know where to turn next" post. I have to think that finding something, anything, to do with your wife on a regular basis would be a good thing, but I get the whole motivation thing...just look at my blog.
Peace <3
Jay
I can say without hesitation that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I'd love for my wife to have a hobby that gave me several hours of fre time at a stretch. This, coming from the guy who gets up an hour before work just so I can read my blogs, occasionally post and catch a little Tumblr action with a cup of coffee. It isn't just about the need for some free porn time, it is this feeling that, unless I'm at work, my wife must be tied to my hip at every moment, or feel as though I'm ignoring her. Honestly, if my mower had a second seat, she'd want to sit next to me as I mow the yard! Heaven forbid I take up a hobby that would take me away from the house for a few hours at a time - she already says I work too many hours.
ReplyDeleteCertainly not to dismiss your wife's obsession with baseball. You did try to catch some games with her before and if you are feeling lonely, you can do some more of that. But honestly, until you've been limited to reading books in the bathroom only because at least there you aren't accused of ignoring your wife, enjoy the free time.
I second.
DeleteI remembered a feeling similar to what Rob's experiencing, that I tend to be very familiar with. It sounds like: "I should be doing something... but this ain't it!"
Fuck everyone. Feel sad. Be upset.
ReplyDeleteI have a thousand hobbies and I suck at all of them...but even in my apathy they are mine.
I am not a professional...I am a hobbiest...therefore AT MY WILL.
If my wife were more into my life then I would not be able to fuck around. As it is, she is happy and I get my wick dipped.
I would love it if her hobby was sucking my cock until my eyes rolled back in my head...fucking every cute little guy and girl we could find...but as she told me TONIGHT..."I am a jealous lover...I can't share". Fine...then you are relegated to sloppy seconds...
I see your cock in your photo and in some way I KNOW you....
Pheel Phree to Pheel.....
Kenny - if you have a blog, I want to follow!
Delete