Tied in Knots (and not in a good way)

In the course of helping L this past Sunday, moving her things from B’s to S’s, she and I stepped over a line. Not the one you’re probably thinking of; we stepped over that line long ago and I don’t feel particularly bad about it. No, the line we stepped over Sunday is much worse.

L had anticipated months ago, when things were seemingly okay with her and B, that it could all go sour and quickly. She was still staying in the little house, and a good deal of her things were there that she didn’t want to have held hostage should she and B split up again, so she had a spare key made that she didn’t tell B or the FiL about. Just in case, you see.

But Sunday, when she and I went over there, the key didn’t work. I wound up taking a window unit air conditioner out of a ground floor window and crawling through to get into the house. At the time it seemed reasonable, and once in all we got out were L’s things. The way B was talking, it was by no means sure that he wouldn’t change the locks and/or do anything else he could to make it difficult or impossible to get to her things that were still there, and we had to get them out before he had the chance to.

But it was wrong. Even if L’s key had worked, it was wrong to go into the FiL’s property without his permission. I have no doubt that, had he been home, he would have allowed us in. He might have watched us to make sure we didn’t take anything of B’s, and he almost certainly would have called B and told him we were there, which would have made it more difficult once we got to B’s to get the other things. But that would have been the correct way to do things.

But he was gone Sunday, not to return until later that evening. L didn’t want to give B a chance to foul things up for her getting the stuff, and though she did fret about it and wish that the FiL had a cell phone so she could at least call him, in the end we essentially broke in. I keep feeling it necessary to say we didn’t take anything that didn’t belong to her, but it really doesn’t matter I guess.

The plan all along was for L to stick it out a little longer with B, hiding the fact that she was going to be leaving as soon as this coming weekend. Meanwhile, I was going to talk to the FiL this week, explaining that they weren’t working out, that B had already told L he wanted her gone and L wanted to get gone. I was going to ask him if the wife and I could get her things that weekend (or whenever L decided), and further ask him to not say anything to B at first. L wanted a clean, drama-free break where she could get her things without B being there to give her shit about it.

But B fucked all that up Saturday night and Sunday morning, agitating L to the point where she panicked and did the only thing she thought she could do. And since the FiL wasn’t reachable, all her intentions of at least handling that part of it the right way went out the window. And I went along with it, despite knowing it was wrong.

I told L on Sunday that I would talk with the FiL yesterday, Wednesday, and explain what we did and why. I was going to apologize for myself, and on L’s behalf, and assure him that we didn’t want it to happen that way but circumstances caused us to act before we were ready. I don’t know how much good it would have done, but it would have been the right thing. The only reason I was waiting until Wednesday was that I didn’t want the wife to be any more involved than she had to be. She knew L and I had gotten her things, but didn’t know how we got in, and might not even be completely aware that the FiL didn’t know something about it from before. So I wanted to go there when the wife was at a game, and Wednesday was the first home game to take advantage of.

Of course a neighbor saw us Sunday morning. We’re lucky she didn’t call the cops, I guess, but she did wind up telling the FiL, who told B (I assume that’s how it happened.) I found out when B sent me an angry text yesterday, ending with the demand to “stay the fuck away from him.” I told him (as I intended to tell his father) that I was sorry, and we didn’t want it to happen that way, but his own actions caused us to jump the way we did. I also said not to blame the wife, because she had nothing to do with it.

She’s quite fond of the FiL, and they go to ballgames together. In fact, he’s paid for her and him to have season tickets the past three years, even though he only goes to six or seven of the games. He just paid for two for next year as well, though I didn’t want him to. I’d already decided to get the money together to pay him back before all this happened, and I’m even more determined to di so now.

Anyway, B just repeated his demand that we stay the fuck away from the FiL. I let L know what was going on, and told her I would call the FiL that evening and see if he’d let me come by to talk to him. I don’t know how mad he is about all this, though I imagine he’s hurt and disappointed. I want to make sure he knows that this wasn’t done as an action against him, and that we wanted to do the right thing.

But when I finally got up the nerve to call on my way home, about 10 minutes from home, he didn’t answer. There’s any number of reasons why he might not have answered, and I could have called back, but I couldn’t get up the nerve to. I don’t feel comfortable initiating phone calls in the first place, but I really hate calling someone I’ve wronged to try to apologize. I especially don’t like it when I don’t know what state of mind they’re in at the time.

I told L this morning that I tried to call once, but then I couldn’t get time alone to try again (the niece was at home, so that wasn’t a lie.) I said I’d call at lunch and talk to him, but when lunch time came I just flat chickened out. L got mad at me, but then apologized, saying it’s the start of shark week and she’s just being pissy. Still, she wants me to call and make sure he knows our side, not just B’s. Also, she still has some things there and wants to know if she can get them, and if she can call him.

The FiL is pretty reasonable, and isn’t the asshole that his son is, so I hope that he will agree to talk to me and let me explain things. I know that, either way, he’ll tell B that I called and B will be even more pissed off. I’m not as concerned about B being mad at me, and truly if the FiL is mad I can’t blame him and I’ll live with it. I just hate that it could affect his and the wife’s relationship.

Fuck, I hate everything about this.