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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What the L (Part 4)

For almost two weeks, things were good between L and me. Well, as good as things ever really were at that point. I was still way too obsessed with her, and she still wouldn’t give me the reassurance I constantly needed that things were fine and we were still “on.” She worked that weekend, so even though we chatted on Skype and talked on the phone, I didn’t get to see her again until the following weekend. Meanwhile, she didn’t want to play any and would barely talk about the naughty stuff.

We didn’t just fuck that day she was with me; we also talked quite a bit. She told me a lot of things from her past that she hadn’t before, including her first marriage. They’d been together a total of 12 years, 6 of them married. Near the end of the marriage, she told me, she started feeling disconnected from him and knew that she would be leaving him. She also started having an affair with a guy she worked with, which the first ex found out about. They tried to patch things up, but he was still neglecting her (she said) so she wound up meeting her current husband (now ex number two, but that happened later) and left the first for the second. Confusing? Yea, it happens when L is involved.

She also told me more about a guy she’d been fucking the year before. She’d told me some of it earlier, but I got more of the details. It was kind of the same deal, that she was feeling disconnected from her husband, but she said she was just acting out and wasnt thinking about leaving him. She broke it off with Shithead (my name for him) near the end of that summer because of other drama, but they still were in contact. Because of this, and because of what looked to me like her pulling away from me, I became paranoid that she was still seeing (and by that I mean “fucking”) him. It turned out later that she wasn’t, but at the time it was a major concern.

I mentioned before that the stress of all this did help me lose weight, but let me break it down a little more. Between the last few days of August until this time, which was the first week of October (a little over five weeks), I’d lost more than 20 lbs. When things were good between us, I was stressed about keeping things good, and figuring out a way for us to get together. When things were bad, I was stressed about how to get things back on track. I was also constantly keeping a lookout to make sure the wife didn’t suspect what was going on.

As much as I’ve always loved food, I just wasn’t eating. I had very little for breakfast most days, and would often skip lunch because of being in a sour mood. By the time I’d get home I’d eat a small portion of dinner and put the rest aside. At night, when I’d usually snack, I was on Skype with L so I didn’t bother. I’d have four or five beers, but they didn’t make up the calories I didn’t get otherwise.

We did go stay with them the next weekend, which meant more drinking outside with a fire going. The wife and L’s husband had to take a friend of theirs home because he was wasted drunk, which gave L and I about an hour. L’s daughter was home, in her room, so we couldn’t do much more than kiss and fondle, but I was happy to have that much. I half-heartedly tried to talk L into letting me bend her over her bed for a quickie, and I know she considered it, but we both agreed it would be a bad idea. We broke from a passionate kiss and I leaned my forehead on hers and said “I love you.” I waited for her to chastise me and tell me how stupid I am, etc.

“I love you too,” she said.

“Wait, really?” I asked. “No fooling, no take-backs?”

She laughed. “No fooling, no take-backs. I love you. Now we got to get back outside before they get home.”

The rest of the night was mostly a blur, but in a good way. I was on cloud 9! The wife and L’s husband came home and the party broke up soon after. I slept better than I had in several weeks, and woke up feeling rested and cheery. The others woke at various times, we had coffee and breakfast, and planned what we’d do the rest of the day.

L had showered and dressed, but was finishing up her hair in their bathroom. She and I talked while everyone else was in the living room watching ESPN.

“Did that really happen last night?” I asked.

“Yes,” she smirked, “it really happened. But it was just the alcohol talking.” I must have looked crushed, because she laughed and said “I’m just kidding, silly.”

“So you do love me?”

“Yes! Now let it go.” She said it good naturedly, but I also knew she meant it, so I let it go. The rest of the day was also a blur, but we (all of the adults) sneakily planned more about her daughter’s birthday party the next weekend. The wife and I left around 6 that evening.

L was supposed to work Monday and Tuesday, but wound up leaving work early Monday because she was feeling sick. She had a terrible cough and her lungs hurt. She went to her doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis and ordered to rest. We decided it might have been because of the smoke from the fire that weekend, plus the colder air. She was off Tuesday morning, and I was hoping she’d feel up to playing but she didn’t.

We chatted on Skype for a while, though, and I was hoping we could continue on the whole “I love you” theme. I was getting frustrated because of the increasingly longer times it was taking for her to respond, and when she did it wasn’t the way I wanted! I finally had to leave for work and asked if I could call her, and she said I could.

It was better on the phone because of the immediate feedback. But I was still feeling a little miffed about how she was ignoring me on Skype (so I thought.) I asked her if it was scary, being in love with me (I was again just looking for assurance.)

Look, it went back and forth, she said some things and I said some things, but it boiled down to she was starting to feel guilty about what we were doing. It was supposed to be no strings attached, just for fun, and here we were talking about love. It was hopeless, and no matter what we couldn’t do anything about it anyway. Finally, we just agreed that the best thing would be to call it off again. I didn’t want to, but it seemed like she did and I didn’t want her to be stressed out like me!

Later that night I noticed she became friends with a guy on FB. Wednesday she told me she’d talked with him on the phone for a long time, and said he was her first boyfriend from back when she was in the 6th grade. She also said she wanted to tell me more but it would have to wait until she had more privacy (family was around her at home while we were on Skype.) Honestly, I already had a pretty good idea what she was going to say. I knew Thursday morning we’d talk, and I dreaded it.

I’m going to be a dick and end this part now. I can’t tell what happened on Thursday without going through the whole weekend and beyond, and that needs to be a post all of its own.

1 comment:

  1. You being in love sounds a lot like my relationship with my lady friend.
    Many years ago we did have a great relationship, we fucked, sucked, went down on each other, and masturbated each other, but it was a very turbulent and rocky relationship.
    I sort of loved her, but it was her dramatic and instant mood swings that sort of turned me off.
    When she wanted to marry pencil dick (her waste of skin husband)back then, I told her that it would be a big mistake.
    She ignored my advice, and as it turned out, it was a big mistake on her part.
    I knew I was right, but she still refused to admit that I was right, until years later when we got back together again.
    Part of me wanted her to leave, but the sexual activities was what i would miss most and I didn't want her to leave.
    She moved away from town a short while later.
    Then a few years ago we ran into each other.
    She was sort of split from pencil dick, but still together in some sorts.
    She is afraid to cut all ties, but I keep telling her to do it, because he does nothing but call her down, say derogatory things to her, and beats her up when he gets drunk or is drinking.fast forward a couple more years, and we still get together as often as we can and talk on the phone almost every day.
    I am now her rock, and can usually calm her down and de-stress her when she is upset with things.
    When we reaquanted our sexual activvities, it was supposed to be a NSA relationship, but she fell in love with me again.
    I didn't, or atleast right away.
    It took a few years of getting together for sexual satisfaction rom each other, but i do love her.
    And yes, I had to admit it to her, and she was very happy, and I think it changed our relationship.
    Not a bad thing I guess, but it was not supposed to happen, and it did, with no regrets from either one of us.

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