As I wrote earlier, it appears Dizcreet.com is down for the count. They started showing a “technical issues” page last Monday, and that hasn’t been changed since then. I would think that if the owners were planning to bring it back up they would have some kind of information about what’s going on and an ETA for the site being available. It’s very telling that they haven’t bothered to do that so far.
It’s a shame, too. I was having fun on the site. I could freely explore and talk with others having similar experiences (or lack of, but wanting some). Of course I can do that some here on my blog, but there it was more of a two-way street as far as communication goes. The chat feature had problems, but it worked well enough.
I did make a couple friends on there that I can still communicate with via email, fortunately. But I still miss the day-to-day chatting with semi random people. And the dick pictures; those were fun too.
One day a few weeks ago, a man I’d just become friends with started chatting with me. After the preliminary, polite “hellos” he asked what I was looking for on the site. I thought he was trying to initiate some “naughty fun”, which would have been fine but I was at work at the time. I had some time to chat here and there, but nothing like what I’d need to play.
Just as I was thinking how to word it so that he wouldn’t be offended and we could try to setup something for another time, he started telling me his story. Like a lot of us, he’d had feelings for a long time but just ignored them, out of denial and fear of being found out. I can’t remember how long he said he’d been married, but he had just gotten a divorce and was obviously still bitter about it. Children were involved, which makes any divorce that much worse.
Most of the people in his life, including his ex, did not know anything about his sexuality, though he said he had come out to a few close friends who were accepting. He said the ex was being a real bitch about the divorce and telling their kids a bunch of lies about him to turn them against him. He said the two older ones saw through it, but the youngest one believes the mother. I’d hate to think of what she’d do and say if she knew about his sexual preferences.
On the positive side, he did say he met a man, and now feels like he finally knows what it means to be truly loved. I don’t see me ever having that feeling for another man, but I told him I was really happy for him that he’d found that. He mentioned being concerned that it meant he really is gay and was living a lie the whole time, but that he was still attracted to women. The chat ended when one or the other of us had to go for work purposes.
I hope that he will be able to find peace with his ex-wife, and be happy with his current fella. I also hope he can get past being hung up with labels, and just enjoy the ride no matter who it’s with. If this were just a physical thing, and exploration for him like it is for me, I’d caution against coming to his family. But if he wants the guy he’s with now to be a part of his life for a significant amount of time, he probably will have to tell them something eventually. I hope he can find acceptance with them that he’s found with the few close friends he’s confided in.
The divorce thing is a touchy thing. I often wonder if my ex-husband whom I share custody of with my young daughter will ever bring up the issue of my sexuality and experiences, since he knows that my boyfriend and I swing. His mother and sister know everything including my supervisor adventures. At this point, since things are messy, I would hope he would keep things quiet for a bit until he is sure what he wants. It sucks to be that way, but we all know how conservative the courts are, even though all the judges normally have bigger secrets then we do!
ReplyDeleteOh the funny thing is my ex's sister always thought he was gay til he got with me. I stupidly told him and he didn't believe me. After he left me he called his sister and told her that he wanted to introduce her to his new love (a man). She started screaming "I knew it, I knew it" and then he told her he was lying. I wonder though if he really is. Maybe one day he will come out! lol
That is funny. One of the things that would bother me the most about some of the people in my life finding out about my tendencies are the people who would say "I knew it!" For years I've been a proponent of equal rights for the GLBT community, including marriage rights. Some of my more conservative friends and family disagree with me strongly, and a few have gone so far as to say I must be secretly gay because of it. Oh, but of course they're "just joking."
DeleteI've countered by saying that I also support equal rights for Black people, does that mean I'm secretely Black? Thats been pretty efficient in shutting them up about that, but if they knew I consider myself bi now, especially if I actually get a chance to go through with it, that'll be all they need to say they were right all along and they knew I was gay.
That actually bothers me more than the thought of being rejected by them, lol.
Well that makes sense, we hate when others are right! lol But I do like your comment about being secretly black!! lol
DeleteMy sister and her husband had some issues that she wouldn't tell us about (I know about it now and would love to talk about it to get views BUT because there are a few bloggers who know my real identity, I wont do that and risk hurting my sister and her husband). I told my mom that I now know what it was and that she shouldn't worry. She says to me "Your sister is gay, isn't she?? Tell her I don't care I would still love her anyway" I laughed so hard and told my mom, that if anyone was going to be gay in the family it was diffidently going to be me! lol Unfortunately, I am a little too open with friends and some relatives, and they know about my bi side and swinging (well kind of lack of it), but I do think many think less of me because of it.
I think if it did ever come out, my family and friends are already aware that they have to accept me for who I am. I didn't let them brow-beat me when I declared my atheism, so I think they know they can't intimidate me into other "acceptable" behavior, lol.
DeleteSad about Dizcreet going down. To be honest, I simply didn't have enough time to fully check it out or chat with anyone, tho I did enjoy a few pictures!
ReplyDeleteI genuinely think that if they gave the nation a mass lie-detector test, we'd learn that 25-35 percent of the population has at least some Bi-tendency. I think that is why the older I get, the less surprised I am by all the married guys hitting their 40s and 50s and realizing that nagging urge to suck a dick isn't going away.
Anonymous GAM here. Coming out is very difficult. I was in denial for many years. I came out at 26 in 1999. Back then, Gay.com was my outlet and they had bi-curious chat rooms. Then I moved to the San Diego chat room and met some of guys that are my best friends today.
ReplyDeleteI discovered that other gay men like stocky hair men also. I did not know of the bear culture. Shattered a lot barriers.
Fast forward to 2013 and we are talking about same-sex marriage. Things have moved really fast for the better for cultural acceptance for the difference between people.
Rob, I too am quite heartbroken over Dizcreet being offline. I keep hoping they are just working on improvements and getting rady to move out of Beta. I'll keep checking until I get a 404. In the meantime, I'd like to continue our online friendship, so hit me up frankpyleatrocketmaildotcom
ReplyDeleteHey, Frank, thanks for stopping by! Yea, let's definitely keep in touch. You can use the email link on this blog to get in touch with me as well.
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