Needed Relief

L stayed overnight, and will possibly stay other nights with us. She's working a new job in my town, and it's too much driving for her to go home every night all week long. Her ex's father has a house here too, though, and there's a little house in the back of his property that's fully ready for someone to stay there, so she might wind up staying there more often than here.

But I digress; she stayed here last night, and even though nothing happens anymore, just being close to her makes me horny. The wife went to work at her normal time, and since I have the day off L and I talked about how she'll get out of her latest mess with the boyfriend and keep the ex from kicking her out. She left for work half an hour ago, so I finally had the opportunity to have some quality time with myself.

Unfortunately, the niece isn't working today either, so I had to be quicker than I would have liked. Still, it was a good, much needed orgasm. I posted the pictures I took on my Photobucket account, and you can see them here if you want. The password is bl0gshar3 (that's a zero, not capital o). Praise or criticize them as you will, but all comments are welcome.

(I posted them on Photobucket so that it would be your choice to view them or not, instead of me just throwing them up here all willy nilly. So I don't want to hear any "Dude, I did NOT want to see that!")

As always, reciprocal sharing, from men and women, is appropriate and appreciated! I will never post anything shared with me without express, written permission. :-)

I Want to be a Loser!

It's the end of March, and I need to lose the same 30 lbs I needed to lose at the beginning of March. I told myself I was going to track what I ate, exercise more regularly, and try to drop 5 to 10 lbs per month. It didn't happen this month, not even close, but I still think I can get on track and be feeling better about myself by this summer.

And you can help. Along with the other things I post here, starting today I will post my weight every Friday and whether it's higher or lower than the previous week. I promise to post the actual weight the first thing every Friday morning, after I pee. If it's up, bust my chops a little (but not too harshly; I'm fragile). If it's down, give me the praise I so richly deserve. Treat me like the person in your life that you care enough about to want to see them improve themselves, but aren't afraid to hurt their feelings if needed.

I won't bore you with the details of the food diary that I'll be keeping, but it's my plan to stay under 2200 calories per day. At my last physical, my doctor said that was a reasonable goal, so it's not unhealthy. I'm not doing anything specific like low carbs or high protein, just keeping track of calories. Because I like to eat, I'll naturally gravitate towards foods lower in fat and sugar, and higher in fiber.

Also, at the end of each month, I'll post a body picture so you can see what (if any) progress I'm making. Post a comment here or send me an email to cast your vote if I should be nude or have underwear on in those pictures. (If I don't get at least a few votes, I'll assume you don't want the picture at all.) I won't post one tomorrow because you can see where I stand now in this post, and it's too late to complain about it being nude.

As of today: 251.8

This is, in fact, lower than I started at the beginning of March after all, by about 3 lbs. However, it could and should have been much better. 

Good day, and bad.

I wrote the following yesterday at lunch when, for whatever reason, I was feeling particularly low. I've gone back and forth since last night whether or not I should post it, because now I read it and hate the "oh pity poor me" tone of it. But for me, this blog is more than just documenting my quest to fool around with men or women, or tell funny stories about my past; it's also a way to work through some of the problems I have. I can't do that if I don't expose myself and really examine these things. I could write a journal that no one would see, but I think I get more out of it knowing others will see it too.

Just know that, as I indicate at the end of this, I am embarrassed about it. Knowing you've read this will give me that same uncomfortable, awkward feeling I've gotten when I have to face someone who's seen me cry. Fortunately, I rarely cry, and almost never in front of anybody.

I had a relatively good day yesterday, having taken a vacation day while the wife and the niece were at work. Originally I was supposed to spend the day with L (no hanky or panky was in the cards though) but she found out Friday that she'd gotten a job and started Monday. So I used the day off to get a plumber in to take care of some issues that had been annoying me, and got some time to myself (meaning not with the wife.)

By the end of the day my mood had darkened, and though its a little better now, I know I'm in for a bad ride. Times like these I really want to get a hotel room and hide away from everyone, especially the wife. I'm on edge and feeling like I'm going to blow up any minute. I'm easily irritated under the best of circumstances, but last night and this morning even I didn't want to be in the car with me.

Some of my bad mood has to do with being pretty certain this latest Craigs List attempt is going to wind up like all the others, but there's so much more involved.

I'm angry at L because she keeps doing the same shit, getting herself in trouble again either with her ex or her on again, off again boyfriend. I want to scream at her because she's seemingly oblivious to cause and effect as she cries, once again, "why does this keep happening to me?!"

But it's not even true that she's the problem in my life; I am. I am the first to admit I have things pretty fucking good: a job I like that pays well, a loyal wife who loves me, and many other things to feel good about. And sometimes I actually believe it.

But right now (and increasingly frequently) I can only focus on how I pretty much hate everything about my life, especially myself. I know it's stupid, and I need to pull myself together. And eventually this will fade away to background noise until the next time. Maybe the fact I'm writing about it will help.

I've considered getting counseling through my company's eap program, but the thought of whinning about my first-world problems to some jaded counselor rolling his or her eyes over the same shit they've heard 20 times this week is, frankly, embarrassing. I'm embarrased even writing about it here. If anybody I knew had the same problem, I'd suggest counseling without hesitation, though. I just can't see doing it for myself.

Since writing this, I did start feeling better. I went back to work and got some items ticked off my to do list, and that always brightens my mood. The drive home was relatively asshole free. The dinner I made (chicken tortilla soup) was delicious and both the wife and niece praised it. (I'll post the recipe some time; it's easy and quick to prepare, then let it cook all day in a slow cooker.) And this morning I feel pretty good knowing that I have tomorrow off. The niece won't be working tomorrow either, and I'm thinking maybe we'll hang out together and just have a good "uncle/niece" day.

And I'll try to keep the next bad day at bay for as long as I can.

Wait and See

I didn't have time to give a full update yesterday, so here's what happened. I'd told Jeff (turns out, that's his name) Sunday that I would let him know by mid day Monday if I could meet him for a beer Monday night. He said that would be fine, looking forward to meet you, blah blah blah. Then he asked if I had any experience, and I told him basically no, and asked if he did. I didn't get a response.

Okay, no big deal, he probably got caught up in things at home, with his girlfriend or daughter or whatever. I get that, it happens to me too. I have to keep these types of emails with other people secret too, and if the wife is around it's hard to even read what someone sent me much less respond.

So around 10 a.m. I'd gotten a decent cover story, cleared with the wife that I'd be going out for a while after dinner, and sent Jeff an email saying if we were still on I'd be able to meet if the weather held and the roads were clear. By 3 p.m. I still hadn't heard back from him, so I sent another email saying it looked like the weather should be okay and everything was go on my end.

Around 4 he sent saying the weather had caused him problems with work that he had to get cleared up (I don't know what he does exactly except he said he's in the auto industry and sells directly to dealerships). He asked if there was another day that would work for me. I said Wednesday or Thursday the same time, and I have all day Friday off so we could even meet for lunch if he wanted. As of this morning, he still hasn't responded.

So we'll see. It's starting to feel like this is going to be another promising match that's going to fall through, though I hope I'm wrong. I'd like to at least get past the first hurdle of meeting a guy, never mind where it takes us from there. Hopefully he'll respond later today and we'll setup another date. But just out of mule-headed stubbornness, I won't send him another email until I get one from him. Damned if I'm going to act like some desperate idiot. I mean you guys know better, but he doesn't have to.

On a lighter note, here's one of the pictures I sent Jeff to give him an idea of my body shape. Not my finest moment in the dick department, but I'm a grower not a show-er. Fortunately I sent a better dick picture, and he was dutifully impressed.

At least there's not a turd floating in the bowl.

And I'll tell you like I told him: don't give me shit about being a Cowboys fan; I hear it enough from my family. I would have taken the shirt off, but I didn't want my moobs to show.

Weekend Update

Attractive white masculine male seeking same for a DISCREET meeting. I am 49 yrs old, 5'10", 210 lbs, dark hair/eyes, mustache. I enjoy mutual oral, JO, and being a "safe" bottom. Making out depends on the individual. I am average in length, cut, trimmed/shaved. Can host if needed. Could be regular for future meetings. If interested, reply with STATS, and what you enjoy as well as when available. DISEASE FREE, YOU MUST BE TOO!!! Very serious here. Must put "today" in title of reply.

This is the Craig's List ad I read yesterday morning. I'd sworn off CL back last summer when so many promising starts wound up being disappointments, mainly because the person would stop emailing when it came right down to it. But I looked yesterday on a whim, saw this ad, and I responded.

Married, mwm, inexperienced but bi-curious. Mutual JO and oral is fine, honestly not sure about making out, but might be willing to try. Anything beyond oral is unlikely for me, but not absolutely ruling it out.

6'1" 250 lbs but I carry it well. I'm 6.5" or bigger when really horny. Dark hair, graying, and goatee. I'm 47, DDF, discrete, and would be happier with a long-term FWB situation. This shit is too hard to find the right match to have to start all over! Lol. Let me know if you want to meet.

Thus began a number of emails and picture exchanges with this guy, who's name I still don't know, and the upshot is we agreed to meet for a beer this evening. I don't anticipate anything happening tonight, mainly because my time will be limited. I told him it would likely be when baseball season starts and the wife goes to the home games that I would time for any action. I did say, however, that I might be able to do something on a Saturday or Sunday if things work out, but we'd play it by ear.

We had some snow and wintry mix yesterday with a decent amount of accumulation, but I think the roads will be clear enough this evening. I just need a good story for the wife to get out of the house for a while tonight, but I think I have that covered.

Wish me luck!

Update: the weather fucked things up after all for him, so we'll have to try to meet up another day.

I Think I Write too Much

Back in college I used to be friends with a young lady I'll call Sara. She was actually the little sister of another friend of mine, but she was only a few months younger than me. She was pretty, and quirky, and kind of understood me in a way other girls didn't. Which of course means I was hopelessly friend-zoned.

Oh, I tried to get out of the zone. During my freshman year at college, when she was a senior in high school, I would go over the antique shop her parents owned to spend time with her. They both worked other jobs, so Sara got the chore of watching the place, and it was never busy so I would go over there just about every day to keep her company. I told her more than a few times that I wanted to date her, or at least fuck her (one of the few girls I was bold enough around to be that upfront with), but she'd just laugh it off. She was dating another guy by that time (nominally a friend, but not really part of the core group I hung out with), but it couldn't hurt to try.

Sara's was actually the first bare breast of a person I knew that I'd ever seen. Well, except my older sisters, but that... what? Oh, don't look at me like that; when you grow up in a house of women, you're bound to see the odd exposed boob! Especially if you try as hard as I did to "accidentally" walk in on them.

Anyway, after some cajoling, Sara showed me her boobs one day during a game of "truth or dare." Now most women's left breast is slightly larger than their right, unless they've been surgical augmented,  but Sara's was extreme. The left tit was about normal for her size and weight (trim but not skinny), but the right one was just stunted. But hey, boobs! I didn't care, but she was obviously self-concious about it. I told her I thought they were amazing anyway, because the nipples were both the same and they had a good shape and size.

I'd give her neck rubs and back massages two times a week, during which I'd cop a feel of one tit or the other. And she liked for me to tickle her feet, which would give me ample opportunity to peek up her skirt. I'd feel guilty afterwards, like I'd forced myself on her in some way, but she would be the one asking for the neck rub or for me to tickle her feet the next time. She knew what she was doing, and she knew what it was doing to me, and she liked it. Like I said, she was quirky.

Wednesday evening I saw a comment of hers on her brother's Facebook post so I friend requested her. She accepted almost immediately, and we started chatting. Based on the way she told me about some things, she either wants to have sex with me or she still likes teasing me to see if it will get to me the same way it used to. I'm not sure if I would want to fuck her or not, but I definitely want to know is she wants me. This could be fun!

Dammit, Janet!

I was a virgin until I was 19, despite my lame efforts (I don't count the one encounter I had with a guy when I was 17 because it was just oral, and there was no completion for either of us.) The first cock-penetrating-pussy action I had was... less than ideal. You'd think by that time my standards would have been pretty low, and believe me they were, but even I had my limits. 

I went to a dorm party with my two cousins (brothers who were also my best friends) that the older cousin's girlfriend was having with a bunch of her fellow nursing students. One of the girls there had asked for volunteers for a survey she was doing on the effects of drinking, and since she was pretty and I figured it was the only way I'd get her to talk to me, I said I'd help. Before my first beer (I didn't tell her about the three I'd had before getting there) she gave me a baseline test of motor functions, as well as my ability to say the alphabet backwards, count down from 100 by 3s or 7s or whatever, etc. Then after each beer, she'd conduct one of the tests to see how I performed verses when I was "sober". 

I was a pretty heavy drinker in college, and could handle myself well even after quite a bit of beer. Yes I was fat, but not grotesquely so; I'd just built a pretty high tolerance for alcohol. This is important because as the night went on, and I finished beer after beer, my test results got better. Okay, I'll confess that I planned this in an attempt to impress the girl by sand-bagging on the initial test, then doing a little better after each beer. Isn't it crazy what college guys think will impress college girls? Except that this girl seemingly was impressed, and she spent quite a bit of the next two hours talking to me when she wasn't testing anyone else. 

She was from out of town and went to a different college, wasn't dating anyone seriously, and was happy to have found someone interesting to talk to (she meant me!) She hadn't wanted to come to the party at all, but figured it would be a good way to get an assignment out of the way. She was smiling when she looked at me and said "Now I'm kind of glad I came." 

But there was another girl there at the party who apparently took a shine to me. I don't really know if she was all that into me, or if she had something against the other girl and wanted to Beaver Dam her (the female equivalent to cock-blocking, apparently.) But she was aggressive, rude, and would not take no for an answer. Plus, she was HUGE! 

Now don't get me wrong, I like my women curvaceous. I've always said if I wanted to date a girl with the body of a 12 year-old boy, I'd have become a Catholic priest. But this girl was 400 lbs if she was a day, and I'm not exaggerating.

At first I was able to verbally spar with her, good-naturedly letting her know I wasn't interested at all without being cruel about it. Then I'd attempt to talk to the other girl again. But  no matter where the other girl... Janet! That was her name! No matter where Janet and I moved, Bertha (for lack of a better name to use) would follow us and bull her way between us. She used her bulk and weight to push Janet aside, often cornering me in the process. If I attempted to get around her, she'd move in the way and at one point was actually leaning on me until I forcefully told her I had to take a piss. She followed me to the bathroom, and when I came out she cornered me again. 

I pretty much gave up on doing anymore of Janet's tests or even trying to talk to her. Looking back, I wish I'd been more forceful with Bertha about leaving me and her alone, but I wasn't really sure if Janet was at all interested in me or not. Maybe she was just being nice while waiting for someone better looking or cooler to come along (it wouldn't have taken much.) At one point I did catch her eye and she gave me a pitying, wistful smile that, really, could have meant anything. 

And let's face it, I was a horny, 19 year-old virgin with low self-esteem; I was a sucker for any kind of validation. It didn't matter that it came from someone as disgusting as Bertha (and I am referring more to her attitude than her looks, though her looks didn't help her cause any), I ate it up. By this time I was drunk enough to not give a fuck anymore, and before I knew it I found myself following her to her dorm room. 

I don't remember our taking our clothes off, but I do remember her being the first woman I'd ever seen completely nekkid. Despite her having more rolls than a Country Cookin' buffet, I had pretty decent wood going. We kissed a bit, then I went down on her (big mistake; I didn't notice her putting in some contraceptive gel and that made my lips numb) and then I was fucking her. And fucking her. And fucking her. God, it felt like I was fucking her for two hours because of the drunken haze I was in, but it was probably more like 20 minutes. Still, pretty studly for a virgin, right? 

I finally gave up. I couldn't get any good leverage or traction being on top because her belly was too big for me to lay across her. We were on the bottom bed of a bunk set, so I couldn't kneel and fuck her either from in front or doggy style, and there was no way I was going to let her get on top. Honestly, laying on our sides with me behind her didn't occur to me at the time, but I really don't think I could have cum anyway. My cock was hard, but mentally I just wasn't into it. Her pussy was like fucking a wet plug of tobacco, and I was really worried about my numb lips. I did ask her to give me head, but her idea of a blowjob was to squeeze the hell out of my dick while half-heartedly licking the tip. Ouch! 

I got dressed and went back up to the party just as it was breaking up. I didn't see Janet anywhere, but I wouldn't have been able to face her at that point anyway. I could barely face my two cousins; everybody saw me leaving with Bertha and knew what we'd been up to. I would have left quietly with my tail between my legs if I hadn't needed a ride home from them. They tried to fuck with me about it, but I let them know up front that it was bad timing and could be dangerous for them. We rode home in silence except for the occasional snickers from them. 

I let them have their fun the next day, though, and took my lumps like a man. The younger brother (just a few months older than me) did finally say "Well, you got your dick wet, and that's all that matters" and gave me a high five, which I returned half-heartedly. Wahoo. He also told me that when Bertha and I left the party, one of the guys said "I hope he knows she doesn't care about him." Being my best friend, he did stand up for me and say there wasn't a chance in hell I wanted anything more than a piece of ass from her. 

The older brother really broke my heart though. Once he was done teasing me, I asked him if Janet had left with anyone. He said she didn't, and told me (and swore even years afterwards that he was telling the truth) that his girlfriend told him Janet was pissed about the whole thing because she kind of liked me, and probably would have had sex with me.