An update, and a funny acectdote

Well, I think it's funny. Maybe you'd have to have been there.

I'm moving on from the failed CR affair, as one does. I'm still confused, and maybe even a little hurt, but ultimately it's a small thing. For a while I was concerned that perhaps something had happened to him, but I've seen his vehicle outside of the church from time to time. (No, I'm not stalking him I promise. The church just happens to be on the road that the wife and I travel quite frequently.) Yesterday I even saw him getting in his vehicle, and if the wife hadn't been with me I may have turned down the street and said hey. Perhaps it's best that didn't happen.

I went back on Grindr a few times, waiting to see what would turn up. The few conversations that I got involved in died quickly, as I'm just not really that into it right now. We've got a lot going on, what with getting our house ready to put on the market and looking at potential "new" houses for us. We're really interested in one in particular, but we haven't been able yet to get an appointment to see it. (The owners are still in it, so we can't just show up.) (Saturday morning the status changed to "pending" so we missed out on that one.)

Isn't it funny how a good photographer can make a house look so much bigger and fresher than it is in real life, though? We've been in a few houses that we were interested in, and they always seem less than they did in the pictures.

L came to town early Thursday, and I got off work early, so we spent a few hours together. We rarely get "us" time anymore, so it's nice when things come together like that. Of course there were shenanigans, as usual, but no real sex. I got to finger her a bit, and she stroked me so that I could tutor her on how to give R a good hand-job. We come up with the damnedest excuses for doing what we do! (The finale was that she watched me jack off until I came, which always turns her on. Unfortunately, nothing further happened after that.)

Later R came to the house, and when the wife got home we all went to dinner. We had a good meal and a great time, teasing and joking with one another. L kept bringing up Rs sister, gauging his reaction. She thinks there may have been something between the two of them when they were younger (and for the record, she may not be entirely off base) and keeps hoping to get a "hit" on some of her barbs. So far, he's handled all of them (according to L) will h hardly any reaction at all.

But on the drive home,they were talking about some moonshine his mom brought them from out of state. I said "you live right next to the moonshine capital of the world, Franklin County! Why do you need that imported shit?! "

R said " oh,but this is from West Virginia. It'll make you want to fuck your sister!"

I looked up sharply in time to see L duck her head to the side, shoulders hunching as she tried to stop laughing. For one of the few times in my life I was speechless, for what felt like a few minutes (but was actually just a few seconds) before blurting out "good heavens!" That got everyone laughing,but I think it was more to break the tension than anything else.

As happens in these times, later I came up with two or three responses that would have been better. The one I really wish I'd said is "Drink a lot of that, do you R?" That definitely would have been interesting!

I did later text L that the next time R drinks some of that moonshine, she definitely needs to ask him if it makes him want to fuck his sister.

Back to the Drawing Board (or not)

I'm giving up on looking for a dick to suck, at least for a while. It's more trouble than it's worth.

I went on Grindr yesterday,and it was just more of the same ole same ole. I engaged in a few half-assed conversations, but my heart wasn't really in it. No, I can't host. No I can't meet you after work. No I can't drive two hours out of my way on a weekend.

No, I don't know what I even want here.

I think giving up Facebook has been a positive thing, but I'm still feeling morose. The cold, dreary weather we've had since Saturday (and get to enjoy all week) isn't helping either.

The wife and I started watching "The Handmaid's Tale" and it feels all too scarily possible in today's climate. Margaret Atwood wrote it in 1985, and seems remarkably prescient now.

Just so this post isn't all doom and gloom, I am heartened by the growing BLM sentiment, and the protests it is generating. Despite a few miscreants causing trouble, the protests are long overdue, and I hope they can lead to meaningful change.

Likewise, I support the removal of all the Confederate statues and memorials from the public square. Traitors to the country who fought to maintain the right to hold other humans as slaves should not be celebrated or help up as honorable people.

How I Avoided the War (with apologies to Patrick Ryan)

Earlier this week I got to work early and, like I always do, I farted around until it was time to clock in. The lion's share of said farting around usually involves catching up on Facebook and, when I get bored of that, checking out Reddit. But this day friend's post caught my eye, and one of his friends made an opposing argument that I felt not only called for a response but it called for it from me.

In short, I got in a stupid argument with an idiot (some may even say there were two idiots involved in this argument.) I quickly realized that his goal wasn't to exchange viewpoints and either meet eye-to-eye on some points or agree to disagree. Instead, he was just trying to score some fake internet points with essentially a "Gish Gallop" strategy.

I got flustered, wanting to answer him but unable to keep up with his onslaught of nonsense, and eventually bowed out. He continued to spam the comment thread until I finally blocked him.

This isn't my first time having a fruitless argument on Facebook, but that day it really got to me. Half an hour later I was still fuming about it. An hour later I was fuming, but I also had a headache and was in a generally bad mood. It didn't help that I'm becoming increasingly bitter at work for various reasons. Facebook isn't one of the reasons, but I realised getting worked up over a stupid Facebook argument wasn't helping any either. So I deactivated my account.

Not being on Facebook for the past two+ days hasn't made me any less bitter about work, and it hasn't made interactions with people (for instance the wife) any less annoying. But maybe I'm dealing with those issues a little better because I'm not also stressed out from the inane shit that FB offers.

And since that time sink is out of my life (at least for now), that also means I have a little extra time at lunch to write award-winning level posts such as this one. Not that I have anything interesting to write about though.

CR and I are still talking, and still trying to work out getting together. I think I put too much pressure on myself and on CR to make it happen as quickly as possible, and it made me way too frustrated when it didn't work out. As JFB pointed out in response to my last post, with both of us married, on the downlow, and with a lot to lose should we be found out, there are going to be times when it just doesn't work out. So I'm trying to take a less stressful approach; we'll get there when the time is right. Meanwhile, we can tease each other with texts, pictures, and videos, and it'll be all the more intense when we finally do get together.

But god DAMN I want to suck his dick!

Too Good to be True

I'm starting this Saturday night, but it likely won't get posted until Sunday morning.

I've spent the day thinking about how I'd write this post, what I'd say and wouldn't say. And now I'm as blank as ever.

CR and I decided to try again for this morning, meeting at the church. We talked about it all week, teasing and getting each other charged up. We talked about it again this morning, shoring up our plans and getting the little details worked out. Then the wives woke up and we had to get on with our morning, but knowing we'd see each other (finally!) at nine.

It's been harder (giggity) this week to get excited after the false starts we've already had, but I was starting to get into it. And this morning I was raring to go! But when the I got a text from him at 8:30 I already knew what it would say before I saw it.

So once again something has come up at the last minute. My head is telling me this doesn't happen every time if both parties are wanting to get together. My gut tells me that CR isn't playing games, and that this is just a run of bad luck. Honestly I just don't know what to think.

But it's becoming more and more apparent that this is just not going to work out for us. Not now, not under these circumstances. The church isn't the "safe," reliable place it was supposed to be. There's no way for CR to ensure that someone else won't want to be there at the time we're trying to, and there's no guarantee that once we got started someone won't show up unexpectedly. That would be bad for everyone!

So CR, if you're reading this, I'm not mad. I'm trying to be understanding of how things are for both of us. I hope that we can still chat as friends. But I think it's time to just let it go unless we can figure out something more reliable. I can't maintain excitement about something when in the back of my mind I'm doubting it's going to happen at all.

My urge and need to suck a dick rises and falls seemingly at random. Right now I'm honestly not even sure I want it any more. That will probably change down the road, but for now I think I'm done.

Another Failure to Launch

After Friday's disappointment, CR and I agreed to try again for Tuesday. That fell through because of his family obligations,so we thought we'd either try for Thursday,or for sure Saturday morning. Although I'm learning nothing is "for sure."

Thursday was a long shot, and sure enough it didn't work out. But we thought Saturday would be a done deal. Until Saturday morning, an hour before we were to meet. Someone else would be at the church for the day, and it was unavailable.

So now we have to try again.

Sigh

Something, something, or maybe nothing

I'm rushing this post to get it up (giggity) before work,so my apologies for formatting and spelling errors.

When I told L about my curious hobby, she was really excited and asked every couple days if I had any prospects. I told her about some of the guys I was talking to, but none of them were really pending. I'd told her about the one guy, and also about how he'd ghosted me, and she was sympathetic.

L went to visit her daughter just as that happened, and wasn't around to talk to when I started chatting with CR. That Sunday the wife was out of the house to run some errands, so I called L to give her an update. I hadn't really gotten to know CR well to that point, but I was impressed by his dick and told L that. We had a good conversation, and she warned me again to "be careful, in all sense of the words."

During the week I tried to update L via text what was going on, and how CR and I were making a good connection. I noticed that her answers were short; "Ok", "Right", "Good", and the like. So I just stopped updating her, since it was apparent that she wasn't interested. That kind of hurt, but L is L.

Anyway, as I said yesterday, CR and I had our meeting scheduled for Friday. He was radio silent from about 8:30 on, as expected. When I didn't hear from him by 1:00 I figured that his obligation was running longer than expected, but we had plenty of time. I wasn't leaving work until 2:00, with the plan to get there around 2:30(ish).

By the time I was pulling off the interstate I still hadn't heard from CR, and I was getting a bit concerned. I drove around for a bit, waiting to see if he'd contact me and killing some time. My cutoff was going to be 3:00, because I'd want to be home and cleaned up (if need be) before the wife got home at 4:30.

By 3:00, all kinds of things were going through my head. Number one, I hoped that some family emergency hadn't come up. But I was also wondering if a better opportunity to play had come up. Which would have been fine, really, I'd just like to not be left hanging. Or maybe he wasn't that interested after all, which would also be fine as long as he let me know.

I didn't really believe any of that; those thoughts were coming from my insecurities. I'd chatted with CR enough to know that he isn't the kind of person who'd do those things. 

I had been keeping Simplicity up to date all week on our plans, and likewise I was telling her about not hearing from CR. Ever the good friend, Simplicity was sympathetic, and agreed that this was probably just a goof up and would all get worked out. She also advised that, should this happen again, I'd have to consider backing away.

By 3:30, I no longer had any wiggle room on time, so I went on home. Like any red-blooded American who'd been cock-blocked, I jacked off (it was a big load, CR) before the wife got home, then later drank too much.

Just before going to be Friday night, I finally got a message from CR. He apologized, and told me about the shit-show of a day he'd had. It seems...

Well, why don't we let CR tell us himself in the comments. Take it away, CR!

Something, something, definitely something!

When I got the message over Grindr, I almost ignored it. The name on the account was "Bromance", and I was sure it was some 20-year old frat boy. I couldn't imagine how there would be any connection between us!

Out of curiosity I looked at the guy's profile, and noticed that he listed his age as 40. Okay, that's a little better. Plus, at the time he was showing to be about a mile or so away; even better! Okay, maybe this will be worth looking into.

We chatted a good bit, exchanged some face photos, then agreed to move on to the interesting stuff.

Now you, my readers, know that I'm not attracted to guys, I'm just about that dick. And you know (because I've told you, and you believe me without reservation) that I'm not hung up about the size of the dick; I don't want a tiny dick, nor do I want some monster, porn dick. Anything in the range of average is fine.

So with all this said, during the two weeks I've been talking and exchanging pictures with guys on Grindr, there's been a decided lack of... wow when it comes to their dicks. Not that there was anything wrong with them, not at all. Most were on the lower side of average, but average nonetheless. But none of them really made me open my eyes and think "Oh, boy!"

Then there was CR. Yes, he warrants his own designation, so that should tell you something! It's not the size (though it's definitely on the larger end of average), it's the way it is so well proportioned! The thought of sucking a dick, any dick, is usually enough for me to get a chub going, but the thought of sucking CR's dick gets me HARD!

Oh, and CR is no doubt eating this up right now. I've said it to him enough times in chat, but now he's reading me say it to all of you! (Yes, CR is now a fan of my blog, and knows everything interesting that there is to know about me.) Say "hi" to CR, everybody. Say "hi" to everybody, CR.

As we chatted through the week, we got around to asking each other about our lives, including what kind of work we do. I had a vague idea of the area CR worked, so I assumed that he was going to tell me he worked in a law office or perhaps a realty firm. So I really wasn't prepared for his actual answer: "For a church, honestly."

The more we talked,t more of a connection I felt with CR. Trust is always an issue with me when it comes to deciding whether or not to meet up with a man (and yes, I know most people have the same issue.) But with CR, things just seem to fit. I'm even excited at the idea of kissing him,which is outside the normal for me!

When we started talking seriously about meeting up, I asked where we could have some privacy. Again, not really prepared for the answer: "At the church, honestly." It seems C-19 gives him opportunities to have utmost privacy at the church. This really could be interesting!

(Honestly, as an atheist, the church is just another building to me. But it is kind of fun to think about!)

So, we made plans to meet up last Friday, and I was going to leave work early. We'd only have about an hour, but from the pictures and videos we sent each other, it didn't seem like we'd need much longer than that!

We spent a good bit of time Friday morning chatting, keeping each other wound up with pictures and videos. About 8 that morning, CR informed me that he had an obligation that would keep him radio silence until 1:00, but would contact me then. My plan was to leave at 2:00, so I wasn't worried about it. Even if he ran later than he thought, the plan was to meet around 2:30, so he'd have plenty of time to get everything settled, right?

Can you see where this is going? You can probably see where this is going.