Shiver with antici...

pation,

The wife and I got moving early (for us) yesterday to get some things for a home improvement project we wanted to knock out. I threw myself into it in an attempt to keep my mind of what L was doing, but it didn’t work. I didn’t know what time she was going to meet him, so most of the day I wondered if they were fucking, getting ready to fuck, or already done fucking. I knew she was going to a birthday party for a friend of hers, but I didn’t know what time that would be. The uncertainty kept me unbalanced.

I kept hoping she'd text me, give me some kind of idea when she was leaving, when she'd be with him, when it was over. Early afternoon I sent her a picture of a small home improvement project the wife and (mostly) I had performed. She responded, saying I'd done a good job. I asked when she was going to the party, and she said 4. I'd sent that text at 2:30 or so, and she sent her reply at 3:45, saying she'd forgotten to push "send." I asked if "he" was going with, she said "oh no." 

I wanted her to offer me something, but knew it would be unlikely. She was on her way to the party, then would be on her way home, and wouldn't be able to text. I tried to put it out of my mind, and some drinks and a movie with the wife helped. 

Anyway, she texted me this morning with the details. She isn’t great at just writing from the top of her mind, so I had to ask questions to get her started. I was at work, not yet signed in and the only one in the facility at that time. Her account was pretty hot, and I wound up jacking off while she was telling me everything (she knew I was, and liked that I was, but didn’t want any pictures.)

More importantly, she confirmed what I’d already known, that she really thinks she wants a relationship with this guy, and he does too. She doesn’t know how or when she’ll be ready to leave B for good, but she wants to move back here (our home town) and have her own place. I'll be pleasantly surprised if she sticks to that plan, and I'll keep my fingers crossed. I want her to be happy, and if this guy is the way to that for her then I'm all in.

As long as there's still room for me.

It Shouldn't Be Like This

I shouldn’t be this bothered by it, but I am and I’m not certain why. I can guess, but none of my guesses feel right. I’m not exactly jealous, but I will admit to being envious because of what I can’t have that someone else does.

She told me two weeks ago, on a short, day visit, that she was “talking” with someone. No, they hadn’t fucked (nor even seen each other outside work) but they were texting and she wanted to fuck him. She’d sent him nudes but he hadn’t sent any in return.

She told me later that week that he was going to meet up with us at the St. Patrick’s Day parade downtown, then later thought she might call that off because it would be too risky. The wife would be there, which was one consideration, but she was also worried about coworkers seeing them and jumping to (the mostly correct) conclusions.

Then Saturday, while we’re downtown celebrating at various places, the fact that the parade had been cancelled led me to the erroneous conclusion that he wouldn’t show up. Except that he did, and the rest of the day was just an ambush of us (the wife and I) having to accept this is the way it is. Within an hour they weren’t even trying to be subtle about it anymore.

The plan was for her to stay the night with us; she’d already brought all her things in. The plan was after day drinking downtown, we (the three of us) would come home and have some drinks, watch a movie maybe. The plan was not for him to drive her to our house and join us. The plan was not for them to be on the couch, making out. The plan was not for her to finally drag him back to her room and spend the next few hours noisily fucking.

When I say that the plan was not all those things, I mean it wasn’t the plan that I was aware of. I don’t know if I believe her that it wasn’t her plan all along, at least in part. I do know that at no point were we asked if any of this was alright. It was thrust upon us and we were just expected to deal with it.

 The wife handled it better than I would have thought, especially considering she didn’t even have the warning that I did.

The next morning she apologized, and said she barely remembered the sex. She couldn’t tell me if he had a nice dick, or if she’d enjoyed the sex. I told her that from what we heard it must have been okay. I also told her that I didn’t like B blowing my phone up, asking where she was because she wasn’t answering when he tried texting or calling her. She apologized for that too, and thought it was going to cause problems for her when she got home.

While talking about what little she did remember, I was stroking myself while she watched. She showed me her tits and leered while I came. She went back to try to get some more sleep, and I jacked off again, hoping it would feel cleansing. Of course it didn’t.

When she came back out a while later, she still looked very rough. I told her I jacked off again while she was trying to sleep. She told me she played with herself twice thinking about having seen me cum. That made me feel a little better.

She also told me she didn’t know where this was going. She told him she wasn’t looking to leave B, and he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship either. She said she definitely wants to fuck him again, only this time while sober enough to remember everything. I told her when that happens I want to know all the details.

It felt easier this time than the last time, maybe because it all happened so fast I didn’t have time to think about it. Or maybe because I’m not stuck in the middle, trying to cover for her with the wife. The wife knows, and though she’s somewhat disappointed she knows L is going to make her own decisions.

Then yesterday she said he told her that he liked hanging out with us last week, and that he thought the wife and I were pretty cool. I don’t know if he really told her that, or if she said he did. I think he really did, because L doesn’t generally lie about something like that. It did answer the question of whether they were still talking. And from what she said, L is deeper into this than she’d let on earlier.

I told the wife enough for her to know that the two of them were still talking, and she just shook her head. L is going to make her own decisions, after all. The wife agrees that if it should happen, down the road, that L and this guy are officially together in some way we’d be fine with hanging out with them. We just don’t want to be in the middle of drama like the last time, seven years ago. (Holy shit, has it really been that long?!)

I told L “next time get some pictures for me” and she said he doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like sending dick pictures, and didn’t really like her sending him the nudes. What a weirdo, right? She agreed, laughing. So I again reiterated that when round two happens, remember everything so I can get ALL the details. She told me she thinks it’ll be tomorrow (today, as I’m writing this.) She’s going to visit a friend here in town, but meet him beforehand. He lives somewhere between her town and here, so it will be easy. From what else she said, maybe he’s going with her to visit her friend; I don’t know.

I told her just to tell him that the pictures are for her brother, and he’d probably be fine with it. That got the expected “ROFL”, and I smiled.

I was fine for most of the night. A friend came over for dinner, the three of us watched a movie, had some drinks, then she left. The wife and I had another drink, maybe two, then started getting ready for bed.

With the TV off, and nothing to occupy my time, my buzz fell away and my thoughts teemed. I don’t know why I feel this… despondent? Is that too strong a word for this? I don’t know. I’m trying to be philosophical about it, if that’s a thing, reminding myself that it should be enough that she is in my life. Maybe there will sometimes be room for the other things we have, off and on, and maybe not. As long as she’s in my life, that should be enough.

But is it?

Quick Update

The wife will be up soon, so I'm posting a quick update while I can. I may try to post a bit more tomorrow during the magic hours when I'm awake and she's still asleep. No promises, though.

Anyway, mom is back at the memory care facility. The hospital sent her back Thursday, and we stopped in to see here that evening. She was sleeping, and fidgeting, and though I called out a few times she didn't wake up. To be honest, I didn't really want to wake her because I wasn't sure how she'd react.

Friday morning my sister texted me saying that the attendant at the facility told her mom had eaten all of her breakfast, by herself! That was certainly some much-needed good news! I decided to leave work early (at lunch time), and stopped by to see her. When I got there I talked with one of the nurses there for a few minutes, and she confirmed that Mom was having a good day. Still not very communicative, though she'd say "yes" or nod and smile from time to time.

She woke up when I went into her room, and I sat on the side of her hospital bed (which makes it easier for her to sit up, and for them to help her out of bed) and talked with her a bit. She didn't really talk, but looked at me and smiled while I chattered on. After a few minutes her focus started drifting, so I said I'd let her get some rest and the wife and I would come by the next day (today.) I asked if she'd like that, and she smiled and nodded. I gave her a quick hug, as good as I could with her laying down, and said "I love you," and she said "I love you, too."

I don't know how long mom has left. She's under hospice care, with a DNR, so there will be no more blood transfusions or IVs to keep her hydrated. The focus is on comfort, and my sister and I agree that is the best course. These up days may be fleeting, but I'll hold onto them and appreciate them while I can.

NAO 7 - Interrupted!

No sense putting this part off: the wife and I drank last night. I didn't succumb to an overwhelming need, I just decided that I wanted to drink and the wife was happy to go along. We'll likely drink tonight as well, as my sister and her husband are in town, but we've agreed that we know now that we can go without drinking during the week, and we'll continue to do that going forward. We'll see how long that lasts. ("During the week" is defined as Monday through Thursday when we both have to work the next day. Holidays and Vacations excluded.)

The reason my sister and her husband are in town is because our mother took a turn for the worse Thursday morning. The care center she's in called my sister and told her that mom was unresponsive and vomiting, and that they were having her sent to the hospital. R and D started packing immediately but were also waiting for more information before leaving.

Over the next few hours we got disturbing news about mom's condition: still unresponsive, extremely low blood pressure which they weren't able to stabilize with transfusions, and fecal matter and blood present in the vomitus. All of which painted a pretty grim picture for mom.

R and D got into the area late Thursday night, and her last message to me was that mom was stable, and she'd let me know more of what she found out the next day. I had to work yesterday, and there wasn't a lot I could do for mom if I were there, but I did leave early yesterday afternoon to join R and D with mom at the hospital.

It turns out that her primary issues were (are) bowel compaction due to constipation, and dehydration. The doctor told us that the fecal matter and blood in her vomitus was actually just trace amounts, and not indicative of internal bleeding or any of the other really bad things we'd been warned of that could be the problem. Once they got fluids in her she stabilized and her blood pressure went up to a much more normal level. Mom was sleeping when I got to the room, and would wake up for a moment or two before drifting off back to sleep.

Around 3 pm yesterday a therapist came in to give mom breathing treatment, which involves using a mask to force vapor from Alburteral into her lungs. Mom put up with that for about 10 minutes before starting to become agitated, which then moved to "combative" (she grabbed the therapists hand holding the mask over her face and forced it away.) From that point on she remained agitated for the rest of the time that I was there.

Mom hasn't been very communicative for the past four or five weeks when we go to visit her. She'll say "hello" and answer simple, yes-or-no questions, but she doesn't initiate dialogue. She was much the same way yesterday, but when I told her that I was going to have to go get the wife (we still only have the one vehicle for now) and that I love her, she said "I love you too." 

About a half hour later R texted that mom had become more agitated, taking a swing at her (but missing) and screaming "shut up shut up shut up!" Mom's doctor ordered that someone be with mom at all times so that she doesn't get out of bed or rip off her IV lines, so when an attendant go there R and D left. R was upset, but it's not her first rodeo dealing with mom.

Anyway, I was tempted to drink Thursday night when all of this came up, but decided against it. Sometime Friday morning, when I decided I'd leave work once I got some things I needed to do done, I also decided that I would have a drink or two that night. It felt like the right time, and though I didn't complete the full month I feel like we accomplished at least having better control over it. Maybe that's all denial, though.

I still haven't heard the final decision from the insurance company of the guy who caused the wreck last Friday. Monday evening the adjuster called me and had me recount the events of the accident while she recorded me. Afterward, she told me that she was still waiting to get statements from the lady I hit and their customer, and then they'd contact me about their determination of their liability. 

I'm almost resigned to hearing that they decided they aren't liable since their customer didn't hit anyone. The lady I hit, as far as I know, didn't run into any of the pallets, so the insurance people may decide that I was travelling too close and failed to stop in time. My argument is that I'd just merged onto the highway when the events took place and had no time to establish safe following distance, but that may fall on deaf ears. 

Now that NAO has ended, I don't know how much motivation I'll have to continue updating. I'll probably try to update on mom and how the insurance thing works out, but I can't promise anything. I do thank you all for indulging me my soapbox while reading my posts, and know that I love you all!

NAO Update 6 - A Close Call

I almost drank last night. I didn't, but it was a close thing. We had to get up early this morning because the wife is working, and that played a part in the decision not to drink. I'm glad this morning that we didn't drink last night, but again, it was a close thing.

Two weeks after the transmission went out in my vehicle, and one week after paying over $2200 to have it repaired, I got into a wreck yesterday (Friday) on my way home from work. I rear-ended a car in front of me right after merging onto the bypass; the driver of that car had to stop because wooden pallets were falling off the trailer in front of her.

Good news:

1. Nobody was hurt.
2. The responding officer didn't cite me for the accident because there really wasn't anything I could do to avoid it.
3. The driver cited for "failure to secure load" has insurance, and it's not a fly-by-night outfit like SafeAuto (whom I have a personal grudge against.)
4. This happened in my car, the 15 year-old beater, and not our newer vehicle.
5. I was able to drive the car home, so it doesn't have to be towed
6. We have another vehicle, so I'm not stranded. 
7. I can ride my motorcycle to work, if necessary.
8. I have some funds to buy a cheap, reliable replacement if necessary
9. Nobody was hurt!

Bad news:

1. I JUST PAID TO HAVE THE TRANSMISSION REPAIRED!
2. I'll have to listen to the wife's passive-aggressive complaints about not having her car.
3. The $2200 I spent on the transmission would have gone a long way towards getting a replacement.
4. The at-fault driver's insurance may refuse to pay, saying that I should have been able to stop.
5. If his insurance doesn't pay for my damage, they may try to not pay for the damage to the car I rear-ended.
6. Even if his insurance pays, I'm sure they'll "total" my car, which means I'll get maybe $1000 tops (15 year-old car.)
7. The dash-cam video I should have, which probably wouldn't have made any difference to insurance decisions one way or another, doesn't exist. The data on the card got corrupted somehow (cheap dash-cam cameras will do that) so there's nothing.

All in all, it could have been worse. 

After dinner, I was really tempted to drink, and the wife was all for it! But we knew we'd have to get up early this morning, so I was trying to convince myself that we'd just have one drink, maybe two at the most. I knew, though, that I wouldn't stop at two, and maybe not three. And even if I did stop at one or two, I'd feel like I'd wasted the excuse to drink. I know that sounds kind of fucked up, but it was that more than anything that led me to deciding just not to drink at all. I think the wife was a little disappointed, but like me, this morning she was happy that we'd stuck to our "NAO" pledge.

I'll write another update soon once I find out whether his insurance will pay for my damages, and what I wind up being able to do.

(Poorly Named) NAO Update 5 - No Sex This Time

Saturday morning, and 11 days in I’m still keeping NAO going! The wife is working this morning, so I finally have plenty of time to write an update. The problem with having plenty of time is that I wind up procrastinating, or getting too much into my own head and second thinking myself, and I often wind up writing nothing at all. So if you’re reading this, no matter how bad it is, I at least got over that hump.

I went to lunch yesterday with a few coworkers, to a place near work that has the best wings around! (I’m actually planning to take the wife there tomorrow, Sunday, so she can try it out for herself.) Patti (“not with a ‘y’, dammit!”) went with us for the first time, as did the new guy who just started this week.

I only mention Patti because the conversation turned to weekend plans and coworker R asked if I was going to have a cigar and scotch that night. I said no, and explained about “no alcohol October”, and Patti said “Oh, Sober October!” God dammit, where was she when I was first writing about this and needed a title?!

I got my vehicle back yesterday; it cost me $2200 to get the transmission rebuilt. I had to really consider whether a 15-year-old vehicle was worth the expense, but other than the busted transmission it’s been fine (for a GM vehicle.) Would I be able to get a better one for the same $2200? Probably not, or at least not with any guarantees. If I start having to spend more money on it, I may have to rethink it, but for now I’ll hope it limps along for three more years.

My first real test of Sober October NAO (dammit!) came Wednesday night. I’d been frustrated at work, then got home to the wife passively aggressively complaining about not having “her” car while mine’s in the shop. We went out to dinner because I’d worked late and didn’t feel like cooking anything, and I was just on edge the whole evening. When we got home, while she took a shower, it was about all I had to not take a sneaky shot or two of tequila just to take the edge off.

I didn’t, of course, and when the wife was done with her shower I told her I was going to ride the motorcycle to work until my car was ready. She didn’t want me to do that, stating that Thursdays and Fridays are always the worst for accidents on I81 and it wouldn’t be safe. She finally understood that I was pissed about her complaints earlier and apologized, which made me feel small. (And there were accidents on I81 North Thursday evening that made me almost an hour late getting home.)

Anyway, we talked it out and I calmed down, and after a good, sober night’s sleep I felt less edgy on Thursday. I wound up leaving work early Friday (right after lunch, in fact) to pick up my vehicle (the shop closes at 3 pm on Fridays), so all is well again.

I just finished a book trilogy, The 5^th Wave by Rick Yancey. Despite a few glaring inconsistencies and plot holes, I really enjoyed the series. The ending was a bit formulaic, but was wrapped up nicely. I’d like Yancey to write a follow-up novel, or maybe even a series, to follow some of the survivors after the main events, but maybe that wouldn’t be a good idea.

A couple years ago I read The Silent Corner by Dean Koontz. It’s the first in a five-book Jane Hawk series, and it was a good read. I’ve been reading Koontz for decades, and though I’ve always been a bit put off by his preachiness, he does write well.

I think the first Koontz I read was Watchers, and I don’t remember his preachiness being quite as bad back then as it’s steadily become. My eyes generally wind up aching because of how often I’m rolling them as Koontz goes on and on about the “moral decay of society” and how the “elites” are the biggest danger to civilization (as if being educated is a bad thing.) His straw-man arguments against liberal and progressive ideals start to grate on me after a while, and I wind up having to take a long break from reading him. It took me longer than it should have to finish the Odd Thomas series (to be fair, they did tend to drag a bit even without the right-wing ideology, but were still compelling reads.)

Anyway, I recently got about half-way through the second book in Koontz’s Jane Hawk series and I think I’m finally done with any of his new stuff. The bad finally outweighs the good when it comes to reading him; his characters, both the “good guys” and the “bad guys” have become one-dimensional (they always were, I suppose) and the overall pessimism about society in general is just too dark. It’s at its worst when I’m nodding and agreeing with him, and I don’t need outside pessimism reinforcing my own!

I know nobody is interested in my thoughts, politically or literately, but I don’t have a lot of a sexual nature to write about, so this is what you get. At least until the Cowboys start playing better!

NAO Update 4 - More from T

Sunday morning, and NAO is going strong! So far I haven’t had any real temptations to break down and have a drink, which is good. On the other hand, it’s only been 5 days so far, so I’m not going to let my guard down just yet.

Edit: The wife woke up earlier than expected again, so I didn’t get this finished yesterday. It’s now Monday morning, and though the Cowboys’ woeful performance yesterday had me on the brink of giving in, I still remained strong and didn’t drink!

I forgot to mention that Friday morning, on my way to work, my vehicle broke down. The transmission went out just as I accelerated to pass a truck going up a hill on 81 South. A coworker coming from the same direction picked me up on her way in, and I was able to get in contact with the guys I normally have work on my vehicles. I wound up leaving work early to get that dealt with, and enjoyed an unexpected day off. Now I just have to hope getting the transmission rebuilt in a 2004 Trailblazer won’t be too expensive; I’m not ready to give it up and get a different one right now. Despite that, Friday night went okay (as I wrote previously) and I wasn’t tempted to drink.

So after my encounter with the guy from Grindr that Sunday (again, this was back in August) I went about my day, finishing up the work I had gone in to do. I texted him a little later, thanking him for the good time and that I was looking forward to another opportunity to get together. He said he was too, and we agreed to work something out soon.

Sometime around that Wednesday, I texted him that I would probably have some time the following Sunday after noon, and that I wouldn’t be in such a rush. He said he’d be available, and over the next few days he texted me (we’d exchanged cell numbers) to confirm Sunday and keep in touch. I’d suspended my Grindr account and deleted the app from my phone because I was getting tired of the constant messages from people who I tried to make clear I wasn’t interested in.

Also that week I realized that my annual physical was coming up, and that I’d have to decide if I wanted to take just a few hours off work or if I wanted to take the whole day off. I contacted T to let him know I could possibly be available, and he said he would definitely have time that day.

That Saturday the other guy and I texted about Sunday, and though I was still wanting to get together with him, I also started feeling a little anxious about it. I don’t know why, and I can’t explain it even now, but I just didn’t feel as comfortable with the idea as I had earlier in the week. I figured I’d get over it, and everything would be fine, but by Sunday morning I realized I was so uptight about it that I just didn’t want to go through with it. I texted him around 11:30 to say “Hey, sorry, the wife changed her plans and I’m not going to be able to make it.” This was a complete lie, but as soon as I sent it I felt a lot calmer.

He didn’t reply that day, and I felt bad that I’d backed out at the last minute, but I felt like it was the right move.

A few days later he sent a text asking how I was doing, and we chatted a bit. I apologized for backing out and he said no problem, and that we could try again. I agreed.

The following Monday was when I would be having my physical, so that Friday I texted T to make sure we were still on. I was excited about meeting up with him again because not only did I think I’d be more comfortable since we’d had an encounter before, he and I are truly friends outside of any shenanigans. He said everything was still go on his end, and I said I’d text him Monday when I was free.

Monday came, and my physical went well and was over quicker than I thought. We’d originally agreed to meet up around 11, but after he found out I was done by 9:30 he said come on over whenever I was ready. I had to go home first and get something to eat, and some coffee, so I told him I’d text when I was on the way.

I’d had a bit more to drink the night before than I should have (a condition that was becoming more frequent than I’d like) and was feeling kind of shaky. Getting some food and coffee helped, but I was still in kind of a funk by the time I left for T’s. I was still excited with anticipation, though, so I pressed on.

T and his husband moved into a really nice neighborhood, and I was impressed with the house. T met me at the door and we chit-chatted for a few minutes before he offered to take me on a tour of the house. It’s not a large house (though certainly bitter than mine), so it wasn’t long before we finished up the tour in (surprise) the bedroom.

The conversation turned to what I was there for, haltingly, and we kind of tripped over ourselves to figure out where each of us were. I was far more nervous that I’d anticipated, and really needed T to make the first move, but that’s not T. I was trying to figure out how I would proceed, and considered going in for a kiss. That’s when I noticed 1) that I could smell T’s breath and it wasn’t good, and 2) that there was quite a bit of build-up around his gums. Like he hadn’t brushed, and probably doesn’t floss regularly. I’m not really a stickler for extreme hygiene, but that was really a turn off.

He asked me what I was comfortable with, and I told him I wanted to blow him, and I was good with him blowing me if he wanted to (he confirmed he did), but that I was still uncomfortable with kissing. He said that was fine, and somehow we managed to start taking our clothes off.

I’ve said before that for me, it’s all about the dick and I’m not much concerned with the guy’s looks 

or even general level of fitness. I know T is overweight, and it didn’t bother me. He has put on 20 lbs or so since the last time I’d seen him, but he didn’t look sloppy. Until he took his clothes off; then he just looked soft and saggy. I know I don’t have a lot of room to talk, as I’m still about 20 lbs over where I should be, but it was a little unsettling.

Still, this is my friend, and this is still what I want to do (though the enthusiasm was waning a bit) so we got on the bed and started fooling around. I quickly made my way down to his dick, and was relieved to find that he hadn’t neglected that area of cleanliness. I licked and sucked, enjoying the tastes and textures of his dick and balls, but he never got truly hard.

The way we were laying gave him access to me, and soon we were in a 69 position. Once we got started I wasn’t as nervous, and I was getting into it and he was too, finally. Suddenly, one of their dogs who’d been barking from the basement from the time I arrived was suddenly barking from outside the door. T jumped up and said “That’s weird, how’d he get out?” He pulled his drawers on and went to the door.

I started feeling a little paranoid and said “should I get dressed?” He didn’t reply (and may not have heard me over the barking of the dog) and left to take him/her back downstairs. I sat on the bed feeling more and more uncomfortable, until several minutes later when T returned. “Sorry about that, I guess the door wasn’t completely closed.”

I laughed (nervously chuckled, really) and told him I was wondering if I should get dressed. He smiled and said no, Peter wouldn’t be home until much later, and besides he knew I was there so it wouldn’t be a problem anyway. The idea of Peter knowing not just that someone was over, but that it was me (though we’ve never formally met) started getting in my head.

T took his drawers off and we resumed, but I was no longer anywhere near having, or getting, an erection. His arousal seemed to have waned as well, and he apologized and wondered why he was so nervous. I asked him if he’d want to fulfill a fantasy of mine, which is to lay back and have him straddle me and fuck my face. He eagerly agreed, but then I realized that he had a different picture in mind. He wanted me to lay back on the bed with my head over the side while he stood behind me.

This was fine, I guess, but it did put me in a position where my head was a lot closer to his ass than I’d anticipated. He started to get hard again, and I was able to put all that out of my mind as he fucked my mouth. A few minutes later he pulled out and started playing with himself while I licked and sucked his nut sack, and when he was getting ready to cum he put his cock back in my mouth.

I had my cell out and was recording (I thought) everything, and when he came I tried to get some open mouth views. I found out later that I wasn’t recording at all, and that was disappointing, but still I got what I’d wanted.

He tried to suck me some more, and I made a valiant effort to cum because he wanted it, but I just couldn’t. I went from semi to nothing, back to semi, then back to nothing, and finally told him it wasn’t going to happen. We got dressed, chit-chatted a little while longer, then I left.

Overall, and I hate to say it because T is a friend, the experience was underwhelming. Some, maybe a lot, of it had to do with I was still a little shaky and feeling cruddy from the drinking the night before. But in any event, it just left me feeling less enthusiastic about the experience than I had previously.

The kicker is that, since then, I haven’t had any desire at all to get with another guy. The Grindr dude has gotten in contact several times since then, and I keep putting him off (which, since the baseball season is over my availability is almost non-existent anyway.) I don’t want to flat out tell him I’m just not interested, because the desire may come back at some point and why burn bridges?

Of course, I did get aroused Saturday morning writing about my encounter with him, so maybe that desire is starting to come back, at least a little. Time will tell, I suppose.