Look Who's Back

Hello? tap tap Is this thing on?

Hey, y’all; is there anybody out there? Will anybody know I posted this?

Well, maybe it doesn’t matter. This blog was always meant to be my way of (mostly) anonymously venting about my problems. Sure I wanted readers, and praise for my writing when it was deserved (or even if it wasn’t.) And I guess a part of me hopes that some of you will read this and be happy that I posted something.

Let me catch up on some things, I guess. I made it through the winter months fairly well; the winter blues didn’t do me in like they have in the past. I don’t know what was different this year than in the past; maybe just a better attitude about things in general, and not being so hard on myself or so easily frustrated with the wife.

I haven’t lost the weight I’ve been trying to lose for two-plus years now. I get down a little bit, then I go off the rails again and put it all back on (with interest!) That doesn’t stop me from trying, though, and this time I will do better! Or not; we’ll see.

Back in March the wife went to Germany for 2 weeks. I’ve been encouraging her to go for some time because her mother is in bad health. Not only is she physically declining, she has dementia and it’s really starting to show. So I’ve told the wife that she needs to go while she can, but she kept refusing. But her sisters insisted, and even offered to buy the tickets (assuming, I suppose, that I am too poor to buy her a ticket) and that was enough to convince her.

She was gone for two weeks, and though I’ve been good since last year I have to admit that my first thought was to wonder if some shenanigans could ensue. Twice I was able to spend uninterrupted time with L, and we could have done anything we wanted (B was at work and we had the house to ourselves) but she wasn’t buying what I was selling. Hell, I couldn’t even give it away!

And I was actually fine with that. We had a good time together both evenings, and things seemed fine for the most part between us. I’m a little pissed about something she said (concerning the wife), and it would seem to indicate that there’s not much chance that we’ll ever be as close as we were before, but I suppose we’ll continue to get along well enough.

Meanwhile, Simplicity suggested that we get together for a platonic dinner (respecting my wish to be good), so we met on a Saturday evening to grab a bite. I wanted to try out a newish place between both of our cities and she agreed. When we got there I was worried that I might have made a mistake, because it didn’t look like much of anything from the outside. Inside was a little better, but still had a “cafeteria” feel to it (for my part.) But the food was actually pretty darn good, and they had beer (for me) and some girly drink (for Simplicity) that I can’t remember the name of.

After eating, we walked around the block a few times, then we decided to head back to where we’d met. During the drive we held hands and continued talking, and I finally admitted that I’d wanted to kiss her all night. (Actually, I may or may not have used the word “fuck” but I’m not certain.) The feeling was clearly mutual, so I decided to swing by the old office to see if anyone was there. Nobody was there, fortunately, so we went inside, locked the doors, and kept the lights off. Kissing led to touching and biting and licking and pulling clothes off and sucking and fucking and it was hot and wet and dirty and so goddamned good and over too quick.

We cleaned up as best we could and straightened up furniture that might have been moved around a bit, then left giggling and feeling good. I dropped Simplicity off at her car after another kiss goodnight and slept better that night than I had all week, I think.

Sunday afternoon, though, Simplicity started being mean to me. She texted me saying that she was eating Mexican food; normally that would have been okay, but I was having a few beers and smoking a cigar, and I immediately started craving Mexican food. I don’t like going to restaurants alone, plus I’d been drinking, so here I am with a craving and nothing to do about it! When she later texted that they were having margaritas, I couldn’t take it and called her a heartless bitch! (All in good fun, of course.)

The girl I used to work with a few years ago, the one I wrote briefly about before in a post called “The Saint Patrick’s Day Massacre”, and I also had a “date” the following Friday night. I’ve had a crush on her for a while, but always figured my chances were nil after that afore-mentioned massacre (I finally got the nerve to tell her I was interested and she gently shot me down.) I texted her on a whim to see how things were going, and thought about asking if she’d like to get some dinner. I didn’t expect anything to happen, but you never know, right?

As it happens, she virtually invited me to go out; she made it a point for me to know that she was free the upcoming weekend (her ex-boyfriend would have their daughter), and when I kind of zoned on that obvious hint she said “So if you’re bored while the wife is away and want to do anything, let me know!” Even I’m not that dense, so we made arrangements to go to dinner.

I was admittedly preoccupied with thoughts of what might happen, and how I could steer events in that direction, but ultimately I was too much of a pussy to pull the trigger when it counted. I had opportunities where I could have tried something; after dinner (Mexican) and drinks (Margaritas)  we were back at her place drinking some wine and watching TV (we were going to play Wii, but it turned out her ex-boyfriend has it.) We were sitting comfortably close together on her couch, but she was kind of sitting forward so I reached over and started scratching her back (over her shirt.) She indicated that she enjoyed that, so after a few minutes I started giving her a shoulder and back rub.

Now shoulder rubs are my go-to move when I want to try to get something going with a girl. (By “go-to move” I mean that it worked once before, years ago.) We continued to talk, and I thought about leaning forward to nuzzle/kiss around her neck; that’s the important part of the move and will let you know immediately if the person in question is interested in more than a quick massage. But the angle we were sitting at on the couch just didn’t lend itself to making the move without a lot of shifting and moving and generally telegraphing that I’m sitting up and leaning forward and… well, you get the picture.

I let a great opportunity slip through my fingers when she kind of cooed and said “Wow! I’ve had dinner, drinks, and now a nice massage. What else could a girl want?” My head (I don’t know which one) was screaming to say “How about a kiss?” in that low, sexy voice that turns knees to water and get girls all buttery in their nether regions. Not that I have that low, sexy voice, but that’s how I wanted to say it. But before I got around to it, she started talking about something else and the moment was gone.

I left around 1 a.m., tired and frustrated with myself for not having made a stronger move. Trying and being slapped down again would have been preferable to the feeling that maybe she did want something and I lost my chance. On the other hand, I don’t think I was too subtle either; the massage, the touches, even some of the points of conversations should have been enough for her to know I was sending signals. She never indicated that she was uncomfortable with my signals, but she also never did anything to encourage more. It’s entirely possible that she did, though, and I was too insecure to pick up on it. But it’s also possible that had I tried to push for more (by kissing her, for instance) and she wasn’t receptive, it would make her uncomfortable to be around me later and adversely affect our friendship.

Later on Saturday I texted her to see if she wanted to hang out again; if she’d said yes I was determined to kiss her before the night was out, and damned the consequences. She declined, saying she had too much cleaning and whatnot to do.

So it goes.

 Now the wife is back safe and sound, and we both had a nice vacation, so I can’t complain too much. There’s a new motorcycle that’s caught my eye; I want it, but I know the smarter, financially sound decision is to wait another year to knock some of my debt down first. But I’m impatient, and I really like the bike. It will interesting to see which side will win the debate over the next week or so.

Rough Day

My company is downsizing around 7000 positions worldwide (about 10% of our workforce), and today our little back-water office took its hits. Fortunately my job wasn’t one that was eliminated, but it kind of feels like it was a close call. The Director, my boss’s boss, told me that my position was staying but being reorganized into a different department and would take on some additional responsibilities. I was given the choice to accept the new position (same pay and benefits) or take a severance package. It was a pretty easy decision to make!

Two of my coworkers were given basically the same choice with their jobs, and they too decided to stay; I imagine it was a pretty easy choice for them as well. Unfortunately, six other coworkers weren’t so lucky and were terminated. It’s a tough loss, as all of them were good people and most of them were good workers.

I’ll especially miss Myna*, the lesbian who worked in the warehouse. (The other woman who works in the warehouse is probably a lesbian too, but I don’t have direct confirmation of that.) Myna and I got along pretty well, and especially in the past month as we’ve encouraged each other in our exercise and weight-loss efforts. She and I have a lot in common, though apparently only one of us is willing to suck a cock.

I’m going to take the wife to dinner tonight, and probably have a stiff drink or three when we get home.  

Happy New Year

Yes, I know, that's not a very original title right now. I want to write about a few minor things, but it's all so incredibly boring that I don't know if it's worthwhile. I guess I will, though, if for no other reason than to make sure I have at least one post in 2015. I mean, there may (or may not) be others, but if not at least there will be one. For what that's worth.

Anyway, between a combination of paid holidays and vacation, I worked two days Christmas week and one day New Years (this) week. And of course I'm dreading going back next week just because of having to get back into the swing of things. And I really have to concentrate on being productive and not wasting so much time on the internet.

The really big news from work is that my company is getting bought out by our rival company, which leads to a lot of uncertainty. Coupled with some economic factors, and some jobs could be in jeopardy either over the next few months or the end of the year when the hurdles have all been cleared for the buyout. Most people think our local office, with the specifics that we do, will be safe but we just don't know if either the current company or the new one will be able to afford keeping everyone on. And I'm just an office administrator who doesn't add anything directly to the bottom line.

But screw it; there's little I can do outside of just trying to be as indispensable as possible.

The wife and I went to my folks for Christmas as we always do, then later that evening went to a movie and to our favorite Asian restaurant for sushi. As both of our biggest gifts were already given earlier in the month, we didn't exchange many gifts between ourselves. In fact, other than money for the two nieces who are still under the cut-off age of 18 and restaurant gift cards for my parents, we didn't spend much money at all for Christmas. Personally I'd just as soon not exchange gifts with my parents; we give them gift cards and they give us cash (like they do for all their kids) and a small gift. For me the best part of the day is just going over there and eating too much while catching up with parts of the extended family I don't see the rest of the year. At almost 50, gifts I don't need are the last thing I want to get.

The best gift I got from the wife (outside the quickie we had Christmas morning before going to my parents) was permission to go to the Cowboys/Redskins game in Landover MD. (Yes, I'm an adult and could have gone without her permission, but I think any married man will admit that having the seal of approval from the wife to do something is infinitely better.)

Z and I wound up going (I'd originally wanted to take the wife, but she couldn't get Monday off from work) and had a pretty good time, but I'm not going to go into the details because it's just too boring. We drank a lot of beer, talked long into the night after the game, and headed back Monday morning not too badly hungover. I didn't blow Z, but I did offer to just to be polite, and we showed each other our junk. Like I said; boring stuff.

The wife and I tried going to a bar for NYE that was having a live band, but it turned out to be a heavy metal band so we left. We came back home and had some drinks while watching a football game, then went to bed around 11:45. I thought we'd make it to midnight, but apparently we both fell asleep a few minutes too early; I woke up around 1:30 a.m. with the TV still on and her snoring merrily away. We laughed about it the next morning.

Anyway, I hope you all had a good (or at least tolerable) Christmas, and that the New Year turns out better than the last.